Conversations at 3 am
by Panache
Summary: Late night conversations spark something between Billy and Kat. Ch. 18 Seeing Dawn:: Yup, I think the title pretty much sums it up. Panache
1. Late Night Frienships

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first Power Ranger's story, so I'd appreciate any feedback you have. I'm a little fuzzy on all the details, but I have tried to keep this accurate within the broad-strokes and major events. This piece is set during early Zeo before Kim breaks up with Tommy.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Kat couldn't believe how quiet things were in the Command Center. Used to the hustle and bustle that always accompanied the moments before a battle, the Pink Ranger found the silence that had settled over their base of operations atypical and slightly unsettling. Then again she had never been here when there wasn't danger, so maybe this was usual.  
  
**I've certainly never been here at this hour** She mused looking down at her watch. It was a little past one in the morning, but despite her exhaustion from the day's battle she hadn't been able to sleep. Apparently Zordon had because his tube was currently empty. Never having wondered what their mentor did when he wasn't informing them of the latest threat, Kat found it odd to think about him doing such mundane things as sleeping.  
  
Trying to find Alpha, she turned a little and winced as her shoulder reminded her exactly why she hadn't been able to sleep. It had started off as a dull throbbing ache like most of the residual pain that demorphing didn't take care of, but during the night the ache had intensified and now there was a sharp shooting pain whenever she moved. In a lot of ways it reminded her of the pain from when she would hurt something diving, not serious enough to worry, but painful enough to keep her up.  
  
Deciding that her discomfort overrode her curiosity about Zordon and Alpha's nocturnal habits, Kat turned and headed down to the infirmary.  
  
As she passed the Zord bay, she heard a clatter and a muffled voice. Instantly on alert, the Pink Ranger typed in her security clearance and slipped through the opening doors.  
  
She had only been in the Zord bay a handful of times and it never failed to take her breath away. Piloting them was one thing, but standing next to the behemoths was a humbling experience. Shaking herself a little, Kat refocused and began to scan the bay for the intruder.  
  
Whoever had been there moments ago was now being perfectly still; either that or they were gone. Keeping her back against her Zord, Kat inched along trying to catch a glimpse of her target. Just as she rounded the corner, a figure dropped down to her right.  
  
Emitting a tiny gasp, the Pink Ranger spun and dropped into a defensive crouch, only to find herself staring into a pair of familiar green eyes.  
  
Billy Cranston stood there in a defensive position that was a near perfect mimic of her own. Relaxing at the sight of her, the young engineer let out a sigh of relief. "Geez, Kat you scared me."  
  
"You?!? I thought you were an intruder." Wincing a little as the pain returned, she pulled out of her crouch to lean against the body of the Zord. "What are you doing here anyway?"  
  
Billy's look of surprise had been replaced by one of concern. "I was going to ask you the same question, but I think I've figured your reason out. May I?"  
  
At Kat's nod of ascent, his fingers began to probe along her shoulder blade with a firm yet gentle touch. As he hit a particularly sore spot, she hissed in pain.  
  
"How long has it been like this?"  
  
She started to shrug and quickly stopped. "Two, maybe three hours."  
  
"Have you taken anything for it?"  
  
Kat shook her head. "I'm not a big fan of pain medication, spent too much time on it while I was diving, so I don't usually keep any at home, but . . ."  
  
"You can't sleep?" Billy supplied knowingly.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"I might have something in the infirmary that will help. Come on."  
  
As Kat followed him, out of the Zord bay and down the hall, it occurred to her that Billy had managed to avoid her question rather deftly. Falling in beside him, she asked, "So what's your reason for being here?"  
  
"I live here. Didn't you know that?" Billy replied nonchalantly, as he keyed in the access code. Turning to usher her in the infirmary, he caught her shocked expression and burst out laughing. "That was a joke, Kat."  
  
Letting an embarrassed smile cross her face, Kat murmured, "Sorry, I guess it's just . . ."  
  
"It seems really possible." The former ranger completed the thought for her with a wane, slightly forced smile. Turning away, he began to rummage through a few cabinets. "I've actually thought about it, you know. I mean there are nights when I might as well, and it would certainly be cheaper . . . but I'd go stir crazy."  
  
"Cheaper?"  
  
Billy turned to her surprised. "Yeah, I moved out of my dad's house when I graduated, sort of following the natural progression. Plus there are only some many excuses I can create for being out until four in the morning. I'm sorry I thought everybody knew that."  
  
Kat felt slightly abashed at his revelation. She really had never thought about where Billy lived, or what he did anymore than she thought about Zordon or Alpha. When he had been a Ranger he lived much the same life as all the other Rangers, and when he wasn't . . . well it had been so easy to shift him over to the classification of Alpha and Zordon. Need Billy? Go to the Command Center and you're bound to find him. It was just so easy to let it rest at that, only it wasn't really true.   
  
Curious now, Kat looked over at him and asked, "So where do you live?"  
  
"I got a one room apartment near the University, which is kind of a joke because I'm only taking a half schedule there." Finally having found what he was looking for, Billy guided Kat onto a stool.  
  
The blonde girl's nose wrinkled at the odor that emanated from the jar.   
  
Billy gave her a weak smile. "Smell's horrible doesn't it? I'm still working on a way to mask the odor, but I haven't quite got it worked out yet."  
  
Shaking her head at his unnecessary apology, Kat smiled back, "It's just a little . . . strong. What is that stuff?"  
  
"Think of it as a cross between a localized anesthetic and a strong pain killer, but without the drowsiness or lack of feeling. I've been working on it for awhile."  
  
"Sounds great."  
  
Suddenly very serious, Billy set the jar down and looked straight at her. "I have to warn you, I haven't tested this on anyone yet. Based on all my preliminary work, I don't anticipate any adverse effects, but still biology is not the most exact of scientific disciplines. If you use this, I am going to ask you to stay here for at least a few hours so I can monitor you. Consequently, it's not going to help you sleep."  
  
Watching him make the speech, Kat had been mesmerized by the sudden change in her teammate. The intensity of his gaze rivaled Tommy's, but it lacked the battle ready edge. Rather there was a firm warmth to it, and somewhere in the back of his eyes lay a tiny spark of intellectual curiosity, which she suspected had taken him a little effort to squelch.  
  
Smiling reassuringly, the Pink Ranger laid her hand on his arm. "If I don't use it, I'm going to be up all night any way. I'd rather be up without pain." Sitting up very straight, she gave him a stern look. "Guinea pig me, Dr. Cranston."  
  
The young scientist laughed despite himself and mock saluted her. "Aye, aye Captain Hillard."  
  
"Captain Hillard . . . I could get used to that."  
  
"Well, then Captain, I'm going to have to ask you take your shirt off -- just the outer one." He quickly amended at her slightly startled look.  
  
As it sunk in with her what he meant, Kat shrugged out of the button down shirt she had thrown over her pajama top and laid it on the stool beside her. Feeling Billy come around behind her, she tensed, suddenly very self-conscious to be sitting there in her spaghetti strap pajama top.  
  
As though sensing her discomfort, Billy rested a warm hand on her arm, and Kat looked up to find him grinning at her. "I see you in pink spandex all the time, remember? This is modest."  
  
Easing considerably, she found herself grinning back. Sweeping her hair to the side, she turned a little so that Billy had full access to her shoulder. With strong but gentle strokes he massaged the foul-smelling stuff into her skin, taking the time to work out knots as his hands encountered them.   
  
Kat sighed in pleasure as she felt the pain recede. She had expected Billy's touch to be shy and tentative, much like his usual demeanor with members of the opposite sex. Instead he moved with the kind of absolute surety that he usually only had when fixing things in the Command Center.  
  
**Which is exactly what he's doing** she suddenly realized. This wasn't the shy young man giving a girl a massage. This was the confident scientist taking care of a patient. This was the ex-Ranger offering help to a teammate. This was Billy Cranston in his element.  
  
Opening her eyes, at the realization that his hands were no longer on her shoulder, Kat looked over to find Billy washing his hands. Sensing her gaze, he turned and smiled. "Feeling better?"  
  
"Oh, only about a hundred percent. That stuff is amazing."  
  
"Well, let's give it time before you pass judgment."  
  
"No, seriously Billy, it feels great. Is there anything you don't know how to make?"  
  
"Toast." He replied with a solemn expression.  
  
Kat burst out laughing.  
  
"Really, I burn it every time. My cooking skills are non-existent."  
  
"Okay, besides food . . ."  
  
Billy walked over to the bench and began to clean up. "I'm actually not that spectacular in Biology."  
  
"Billy . . ."  
  
Turning to face her, he smiled like a caught child. "Okay, let me rephrase that. Relative to my other skills, Biology is a weak point. It's just not my favorite discipline. I like certainty and calculations. The biological sciences are a little variable for my taste."  
  
"But you're good at it."  
  
"I've improved a great deal actually. Once it became apparent that there would be the need for medical attention, and frequent trips to the doctor would raise suspicion, I taught myself what I thought would be useful. I'm gaining a certain affinity for it." Placing the jar back in its cupboard, Billy turned to her with a wicked look on his face. "You could say that Biology has *grown* on me."  
  
"Ugh," Kat made a gagging noise. "That is a horrible joke."  
  
"Sorry, I don't break out the good humor until 3 a.m."  
  
"Well, I guess I'll get to see it tonight won't I?" For a moment the look on Billy's face flip-flopped between terror and excitement, as though he couldn't decide how he felt about her being here. Wanting to offer him a way out, Kat back-pedaled, "Unless, I'd be interfering. I could always just stay in the infirmary."  
  
"No," Billy shook his head; his expression indicating that he had decided excitement was the way to go. "No, I'm just not used to company. It'll be a nice change, though."  
  
Kat slid off the stool and grabbed her top. Shrugging back into it, she looked over at him quizzically. "Do you do this a lot? Stay up here and work, I mean."  
  
He shrugged. "When it's necessary." Stopping in the open doorway, he gestured with a sweep of his hand. "Coming?"  
  
Sliding past, Kat waited for him to fall in step beside her and asked, "So what's necessary tonight?"  
  
"You are, or at least your better half is. I'm trying to adjust her so there's less recoil when you fire," He brushed his fingertips lightly against her shoulder, "Keep her from beating up on you again."  
  
Kat felt something go through her at his touch -- so familiar and intimate, yet new and unexpected all at once. She knew from her previous interactions with Billy on the team that he was not one to engage in casual contact with anyone. Then again she felt that this night was allowing her to see a whole new side of their one-man support team -- more open and at ease, the early a.m. Billy. She liked him like this.  
  
Even as her thoughts struggled to wrap around this new facet of her friend's personality, another portion of her mind was processing what he had said, "Her?"  
  
Billy looked over at the Pink Ranger's confused expression and smiled, "Yeah, your Zord."  
  
"You gave my Zord a gender? Or is this just like the way guys call all cars girls."  
  
The young engineer shook his head. "No, some of the Zords are definitely male, and I didn't just give them genders. I gave them names. Come on, I'll introduce you."  
  
True to his word, Billy took her around to each of the Zords, and quite literally introduced her -- telling her the names he had given them, their quirks, strengths and weaknesses. He encouraged her to run her hands along their plating, to press her ear to the metal and hear the soft thrum of their engines. Watching his hands trace along their surfaces, Kat had the suspicion that, if she asked, he could tell her the exact battle that had caused each dent.  
  
Finally walking her up to her Zord, Billy made a grand sweeping gesture and pronounced, "Kat, I would like you to meet Lynn."  
  
The Pink Ranger giggled a little in response, "Billy, that's my middle name."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Did you . . . I mean, are all them named that way?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Walking up to the Zord, he placed his hand against the side and closed his eyes. "It's a reminder. I like to remind them who they're protecting. I like to remind myself why they need so much attention. Besides, calling them Kat, Tommy, Adam, Tanya, and Rocky would just be too confusing for my feeble mind."  
  
Moving up beside him, Kat rested her hand on the Zord next to his and whispered, "Hello, Lynn."  
  
Relaxing at her obvious acceptance of this revelation, Billy grinned, "Follow me up, and you can really get to know her."  
  
*****  
  
"Billy?"  
  
"Up here."  
  
"Where?" Looking up, Kat turned in a small circle and tried to spot her companion. She had left him to his own devices half an hour ago, when it had become obvious that he was so engrossed in the system he was working on that he wouldn't be talking for a while. Coming full circle, she started at finding Billy hanging upside down in front of her.  
  
"Here." He grinned unrepentantly.  
  
"Stop that." Kat chastised, setting down the two mugs she had in her hands, "You almost made me spill the coffee."  
  
"Coffee! Katherine Hillard, you are a true queen among mere peasants." Rolling back up, he twisted around and jumped down on his feet.  
  
"And here I was going for being called Captain again." She teased, holding the mug just out of his reach.  
  
"Captain Hillard, if you give me that coffee, I will call you anything you want." He was rewarded with a steaming mug and a warm smile.  
  
"Thank you Dr. Cranston, but Captain will be fine."  
  
"Aye, aye." Billy murmured as he came to sit down beside her on the floor.  
  
"So how is Lynn doing?"  
  
"She's unrepentant, but willing adjust. I think next time you should find that she won't give you near as much trouble."  
  
Tracing her hand affectionately along the metal interior, Kat smiled, "She's never where the trouble comes from, but thank you."  
  
"You're welcome."   
  
Turning back to look at him, she found Billy wiping steam from his glasses with the tail of his shirt. "You're wearing glasses!"  
  
"I've been wearing them all night. Am I going to have to put a sudden reduction of observational abilities down as one of the side effects of my foul smelling cream?" He grinned at her to let her know that he was teasing.  
  
"No, I just . . . don't you usually wear contacts?"  
  
"Almost all the time, but I can only wear them for so long. They start to dry out as it gets later at night. Also, I don't like to wear them when I'm working with chemicals." He placed the glasses back on his face. "If a chemical splashes it can get trapped between the contact and the eye causing permanent damage, so I always keep a pair of glasses in the Command Center."  
  
"Then why have contacts at all?"  
  
"To attract girls of course." Billy took a sip of his coffee.  
  
For a second, Kat thought that he might actually be serious, but then he winked at her and she burst out laughing.  
  
Billy looked down at his watch. "Three a.m. right on time."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The good humor."   
  
Kat collapsed in another fit of giggles. "No . . . no fair . . . *giggle* . . . I'm just too tired not to laugh."  
  
"Which is the beauty of the three a.m. humor, it doesn't have to be funny."  
  
Finally recovering from her bought of laughter, Kat leaned against the wall and took deep breaths. "Seriously, Billy why do you have contacts?"  
  
The ex-Ranger rested his mug against his knees and looked off into the distance as though he could somehow see his past painted on the other wall. "I guess at first I did it to fit in. Change something here, change something there, stop making use of your entire vocabulary, stop wearing glasses and hope people will stop seeing a nerd. It was another step towards being normal, which at one time I thought I wanted."  
  
"And you don't anymore?"  
  
He shrugged, "Being a Ranger gave me confidence in myself for something outside paper knowledge, and somewhere along the way the confidence allowed me to be comfortable with the gifts I have and who I am."  
  
"But you still wear contacts."  
  
"Well, at some point I also became comfortable with putting synthetic material in my eye." Billy turned a little to smile at her. "Actually, for day to day work I find them more comfortable than glasses. I can put them in in the morning and forget about them until night. Plus I always found glasses to be a bit of a pain for working out. Going running with contacts is a much more pleasant experience."  
  
"You run?" The moment Kat said the words she regretted them. **You don't have to sound so shocked that he exercises.**  
  
Billy's full, pleasant laugh reassured her that she needn't have worried about offending him. "Yeah, I fell into it as a Ranger, running was my specialty." He gave her a self-deprecating smile and continued, "I keep it up now because, well I don't have the powers to help my physical condition, so something has to."  
  
"I never thought about that. Do you think that the other ex-Rangers have all gained fifteen pounds? Sort of like a first year at university."  
  
"I doubt it. With the exception of me, all the other Rangers started out enormously physically active and probably remain so. I was never very good at sports, but I like running. It allows me to put my thoughts in order, and there is absolutely no coordination required." Having finished his coffee, Billy stood up and moved back over to the spot where he had been working. "Besides, how else am I to maintain my stunning physique?"  
  
Kat watched as he pulled himself up and swung his legs over the metal piping. "Do you always do that?"  
  
Flipping up so that he now perched on the bar, Billy looked down at her, "It's hard to get a ladder up here. Can you hand me those?"  
  
Picking up the tools he was pointing to, Kat walked over and handed one up to him. "No, I mean do you always make fun of yourself so others can't?"  
  
For a moment Billy froze, and then continued on with his repairs. "You know, for someone who didn't realize I was wearing glasses for two hours, you are disconcertingly perceptive."  
  
"And you're really good at avoiding questions."  
  
Billy's only response was to hand down one tool and hold his hand out for the other one. When it didn't come he sighed and relented. "Yeah, I guess I do. Like you said if you get there first others are less likely to. Call it a defense mechanism."  
  
He was rewarded by Kat placing the requested tool in his hand. "You don't have to have a defense mechanism with me you know."  
  
"It's kind of hard to turn off. Are you going to ransom all of my tools this way?"  
  
"The idea has merit. You're not an easy person to get to know."  
  
Her only response was a grumbled, "This is going to be a very long night."  
  
Kat struggled not to laugh, "Tell you what, promise me one thing, and I promise not to hold any of your tools for ransom for the rest of the night."  
  
"Anything." Billy replied in a melodramatic tone that echoed against the metal.  
  
"Promise me, that the next time you work late I can come keep you company."  
  
This time her answer came in the form of an odd *clunk* and a muffled, "Ow!"  
  
"Are you okay?" Instantly concerned, Kat moved to pull herself up on the pipe as well but Billy waved her off.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. You're request just took me by surprise."  
  
"So do we have a deal? Or do I have to continue to hold your tools captive?"  
  
"You know I'm doing this work for you."  
  
"Billy . . ."  
  
"I yield, I yield. Yes, Captain Hillard, I promise that the next time I work late you can come. In fact, I welcome your company. Now can I have my tools?"  
  
Laughing, Kat pulled away and leaned against the wall, "I'll think about it."  
  
Billy just whimpered.  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
(end pt. 1)  
  
Thank you all for reading. I would appreciate all comments or suggestions 


	2. Someone Else's Story

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: This chapter is set during the ski trip with Tommy after Kim has broken up with him. Each chapter will continue to move forward through the Zeo universe (with minor alterations).  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
**This was a good idea** Kat told herself for what must have been the hundredth time since coming on the ski trip. Staring at the flickering fire, she repeated her silent mantra once again.  
  
Of course it was a good idea. The trip was giving them all a chance to bond --- a chance for Billy and Tommy to reconnect; for Billy and her to spend time together outside their now frequent late night talks in the Zord bay; and for Tommy and her to . . . do whatever it was that they were doing.  
  
**What am I doing?** She thought with disgust. It wasn't as though she was having any success at pretending that seeing Tommy with Heather didn't hurt, at least not to herself. God, this trip was a *bad* idea.  
  
"Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?" The warm, familiar voice brought a smile to Kat's face, her first one in hours.  
  
"Only if you pay the cover charge," she joked, holding up her hands expectantly.  
  
She was not disappointed. Feeling the heat of the mug in her hands, Kat brought it down and inhaled the comforting aroma of what had become their ritual beverage.  
  
"Good thing I brought two." Billy smiled as he sat down in one of the overstuffed chairs. The corners of her mouth turned up a little response.   
  
Kat took a sip and promptly frowned again. "Billy! There's no sugar in this!"  
  
Normally he fixed her coffee exactly how she liked it – two creams, two sugars – too sweet in his opinion. Tonight however she stared down at dark brown liquid with absolutely nothing in it.  
  
"Are you sure you didn't give me yours?" She queried hopefully.  
  
Her teammate nodded, grinning with a wicked smile that told her he had something up his sleeve.  
  
Actually, it was in his pocket --- two packets of sugar, two prepackaged cups of cream, and a spoon. Setting them down on the side table in a deliberate row, he looked up at her. "My turn to hold something for ransom."  
  
Kat groaned, "My coffee will get cold."  
  
"Not if you answer honestly. Either that or learn to like it black, the way people should drink coffee."  
  
The Pink Ranger stuck out her tongue. "Only in your opinion. Okay fine, ask away."  
  
"How are you holding up?"  
  
Hunching a little in her seat, Kat turned her gaze back to the fire. "I'm fine. Why shouldn't I be?"  
  
She reached over to the grab a packet of sugar, but Billy stopped her. "If you're going to be this way, you'd better start liking it black. He's in bed, Kat, sleeping like a log. It's just you and me, and it is well past midnight."  
  
Kat sighed, wishing fervently that she could pretend not to know what he meant, but of course she did. During the day they could make-believe all they wanted to --- with their friends, with each other --- but there lay the unspoken promise that, in the middle of the night when nothing else seemed real, whatever was shared between them would be.  
  
"Am I really that obvious?" She murmured holding out her hand as a sign of her willingness to talk.  
  
"No," Billy whispered in a way that meant yes.  
  
A tissue followed the packet of sugar he had placed in her hand, and Kat dabbed at her eyes. "I fell so horrible. Kim has been an amazing friend. I mean what kind of person takes you shopping to make you feel *better* about trying to kill her?"  
  
Billy laughed. "Only Kim. She has an incredible heart."  
  
"Yeah." Kat's grip tightened on her mug as though were a life preserver. "That's what makes this so awful. When she wrote Tommy that letter . . . mostly I was sad --- sad to see him hurting, sad to think of what Kim must be going through --- but there's this tiny part of me that can't help but be excited because now I might have a chance. Oh God, I'm horrid!"  
  
Kat broke into deep heaving sobs. **Stupid stupid stupid** She hadn't meant to reveal that much, even to Billy . . . but somehow he always had this way of sitting there quietly and listening, that made her pour her heart out.  
  
God, what must he think of her? If he had been close to anyone on the team before her it was Kimberly and Tommy. Adam had told her once how inseparable the three of them used to be. How after Kim left, nothing was ever quite the same between Tommy and Billy, as if Kimberly Hart had been the invisible thread that bound them together. Now here she was admitting to being partly thrilled that the thread had been snapped.  
  
As though he could read her thoughts, Billy leaned over and put a reassuring hand on her knee. "It's okay."  
  
Gently removing the coffee mug she still clutched in her hands, Billy set it down on the table and began to add the cream and sugar. "You know, you've just described the feelings of approximately seventy-five percent of the female population at Angel Grove High School. Well, they all probably have less guilt, but essentially the same. Here."  
  
He handed the now properly prepared coffee back to her. "Kim and Tommy were the fantasy couple. I think possibly every girl had some small secret wish to be Kimberly Hart."  
  
"I guess I'm a pretty poor stand-in."  
  
"Hey! You are *not* a replacement for anyone. What made you say that?"  
  
"Oh, come on Billy! Same Ranger color, same interests, same head-over-heels attraction to Tommy Oliver . . . we even have the same initials for Christ-sakes!" She sighed in frustration, "Sometimes I feel like this isn't really me, like I'm just living out Kimberly Hart's story."  
  
"Kat, look at me." When she didn't, Billy put his hands on her shoulders and forced to her to face him. "You need to stop."  
  
"I've tried! I've tried so hard to be different from her, but nothing works. I've even tried to turn off my feelings for Tommy, but that's obviously a failure." Kat met his gaze defiantly, "Do you have a cure for that pain, Dr. Cranston? Do you have something that will make my feelings for him go away?"  
  
Maybe it was the darkness that seemed to wrap around them like a protective cocoon; maybe it was the way the firelight played across his face and danced in his eyes, Kat couldn't say. But for an instant that seemed to stretch into an eternity, something different and beautiful lit his eyes.  
  
In that instant Kat thought he might say 'yes'. In that fleeting eternity, he could have told her that Tommy would never look at her again, and she wouldn't have cared. For a moment she could have fallen hard and nothing in her would break . . . because he would catch her.  
  
And then it slipped away, so quietly and quickly that it might not have been there at all. Like a dream, it faded into something not quite remembered, and Kat was sure she had imagined everything.  
  
Releasing his grip on her shoulders, Billy pulled away with a sad, apologetic look. "No, Captain. I'm sorry, I don't have anything for that."  
  
"Then how am I supposed to stop?"  
  
"You're not."  
  
"But you just said . . ."  
  
"That wasn't the type of stopping I meant. You have to stop trying *not* to be Kim, it's just as bad as trying to be her. Either way you wind up pretending to be someone you're not. Kat, you can't let the idea of Kim run your life. You're not her."  
  
The Pink Ranger swallowed and focused her gaze back on the fire. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"  
  
"Neither. It just is. Look, I love Kim. She's been one of my best-friends for as long as I can remember, but she's not perfect."  
  
Kat looked up at him sharply, but his gaze held nothing except honesty as he continued, "Kim has this effervescent personality. She almost literally bubbles with life and energy, and when you're with her, you can't help but be caught up in it."  
  
Letting out a bitter laugh, Kat snapped, "This is supposed to make me feel better? God, has there ever been a guy on this team who didn't have a crush on her?"  
  
Smiling sheepishly at being caught, Billy replied, "You might try Jason, although I wouldn't recommend holding your breath."  
  
Kat just sighed and sunk down lower in her chair.  
  
"You didn't let me finish."  
  
"Fine, go on."  
  
"Kim can be . . . overwhelming. She has so much presence and sometimes it's a little stifling. She was always doing *something*, always trying something new, like she was afraid to stop."  
  
Kat looked up in surprise. No one had ever spoken about this side of her counterpart. In her mind the former Pink Ranger was perfect, never afraid of anything, never someone that a person wouldn't want to be around, but as Billy spoke, the truth of his words combined with her memories formed a slightly more real picture of Kim for her.  
  
Billy continued talking, "For all the things that Kim knew how to do, she was never good at just *being*. You are." He smiled at her. "The times we've spent just sitting in the Zord bay, working or staring at the walls in comfortable silence. I couldn't have done that with Kim. Her motto seems to be 'have silence, will fill it'. I like silence, and I like that you're comfortable sharing it with me."  
  
Kat felt herself smiling in response. "I like sharing it with you."  
  
Needing the experience of sharing something with him that her counterpart couldn't, Kat let their conversation lapse. Picking up on her cue as he always did, Billy turned to the fire and quietly sipped his coffee, leaving her to her thoughts.  
  
Watching the flicker of firelight, she let her friend's comments roll around in her mind. During their past conversations, he would always jokingly complain about how perceptive she was. Tonight he had shown that his perception rivaled her own. Time and again he demonstrated a mature kind of self-knowledge that she found impressive, but even so she never realized that he let it extend to those he cared about it.  
  
Could he read all of them so clearly? If she asked would he tell her about Adam or Rocky? She suspected that there was nothing he could tell her about Tanya that she didn't already know, but maybe Aisha or . . .  
  
**Stop right now** She chastised herself and sighed. This was getting to be ridiculous.  
  
"You can ask."  
  
Kat looked up to find him staring at her with a thoughtful expression on his face.  
  
"Whatever question you just thought of . . . you can ask me."  
  
"How is he doing?" She whispered, feeling a slight twinge of guilt at bringing Tommy back into the conversation.  
  
"Pretty bad. Kim really blindsided him with that letter. But since he's Tommy, he's putting on a brave face."  
  
"I still can't believe she wrote him a letter. She couldn't have at least called?"  
  
"I don't think she could have." Billy responded quietly.  
  
Kat stared at him in surprise. She had meant the question to be rhetorical, but now she was curious. "You're not talking about having access to a phone, are you?"  
  
Billy shook his head, "No. Kim hates to hurt people. It goes against everything in her nature. Intentionally hurting someone she cares about as much as she does Tommy? That had to be near impossible. If she had tried to do it over the phone . . ."  
  
"She wouldn't have been able to go through with it." Kat murmured with understanding.  
  
He nodded in confirmation. "She probably would have let it drag out far too long, and that would have been worse."  
  
"I just hate to see him hurting."  
  
"Give him time, Kat. He just needs some time."  
  
"Define some."  
  
"How do you feel about starting to date him when you're forty?" Billy joked.  
  
At Kat's stricken look, he became serious again.  
  
"Weeks or months, probably. I don't really know. I have absolutely no experience in this area."  
  
"Oh come on, you can't tell me that there hasn't been at least one girl who's fallen for the charms of Billy Cranston." Kat teased, grateful for a chance to steer the conversation away from the turn it had taken.  
  
A sheepish look crossed his face, and she pounced.  
  
"So there has been! I want details Doctor."  
  
"Is that an order, Captain?"  
  
She nodded, and he saluted her with a grin.  
  
"There have been a couple . . . several actually, but none of them ever went anywhere. Lot's of tried and failed reactions." At her confused look, he gave her a wane smile. "Sorry, bad chemistry joke. I don't know what it is about me, but I can kill a possible relationship faster than anyone I know."  
  
"At least you never tried to kill anyone else's relationship."  
  
"You were under a spell. Tommy understands that."  
  
Kat sighed, "I know he does. We've talked about it, a lot actually. I think that's part of the attraction."  
  
"His dark side?" Billy teased.  
  
"No, the fact that he understands what it was like, what it *is* like. The memories never go away you know. I can still remember every horrible thing I did or tried to do."  
  
He touched her hand. "That wasn't you."  
  
"But it felt like me, and I don't just remember what I did. Billy, I remember *wanting* to do it. I remember enjoying it."  
  
Whistling under his breath, Billy leaned back in his chair. "Tommy never told me that part."  
  
"He never told anyone, not even Kim. It's not exactly something either of us feels comfortable sharing." Suddenly realizing everything she had just said, Kat stared at her friend in shock. "How do you do that?!"  
  
At her question, Billy shook himself out of his reverie and looked over. "How do I do what?"  
  
"How do you get me to open up like that? I never thought I'd tell anyone about that except Tommy."  
  
"I guess I'm just naturally gifted." The young engineer smiled. "You're the same way, you know. Five minutes with you, and I'm sharing things that I would never have told anyone."  
  
"Not even Trini?"  
  
Billy choked on his coffee.  
  
Looking over at her with a mixture of astonishment and fear, he snapped. "What do you know about Trini?"  
  
Kat flinched. She had heard his voice take on that brittle tone before, when he was arguing the wisdom of a modification with Tommy, or when he someone came to him with a new problem after they had spent all night in the Zord bay the night before . . . but he had never directed it at her.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, Billy. I didn't mean to . . . it's just . . ."  
  
"Just what?" The warmth and gentleness was back in his voice, but it remained guarded.  
  
"I talked with Kim on the phone a few days after our first real conversation, and I was curious so I asked her whether there had ever been someone really special for you . . ."  
  
"And she said Trini."  
  
Kat nodded, wishing she had never mentioned his old friend. "I'm sorry I brought it up."  
  
"Damn," Billy cursed under his breath. "You're going to get me to do it again aren't you?"  
  
"You don't have to say anything."  
  
The young genius shook his head. "No, I think I do. Besides, I made you talk about Tommy. It's only fair."  
  
Leaning back in his chair, Billy turned his face up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. He remained that way for a long while, and despite his reassurances, Kat began to doubt that he would say anything at all. Still, she didn't want to push, so instead she tried to turn her attention back to the fire.  
  
When he finally spoke, Kat nearly dropped her mug.  
  
"Trini Kwan definitely tops my list of if-onlys and might-have-beens. She was my . . . well she was everything in a way --- best-friend, confidant, protector, translator." He laughed softly at the last word.  
  
"Translator?"  
  
Billy let a sad smile cross his face as he stared into the now dying fire. "Yeah, I used to use as much of my vocabulary as I could in every sentence. When I was younger my parents encouraged me to experiment with words and expand my lexicon. Unfortunately, it was alienating. Other children would give me a blank look and either stop talking to me or worse."  
  
"Oh, Billy . . ."  
  
"But the first time I talked to Trini, she didn't even blink, just continued conversing with me as though the way I spoke was perfectly normal. She's always been like that, almost nothing phased her." Billy's voice had gone soft with the remembrance of something both pleasant and painful. "She became my connection to the world, suddenly all these doors opened because she was there."  
  
"She sounds like a beautiful person."  
  
"She was." Billy murmured in a way that made Kat certain he wasn't just talking about the Asian girl's inner beauty.  
  
"Did you love her?" The words were out of her mouth before she realized it, leaving them to hang heavy in the air.  
  
"I love all my teammates . . . but of course that isn't what you meant." Billy sighed with resignation, "I think I'm a little bit in love with the possibility of her, with what could have been, but I don't think I was ever actually in love with her. That kind of love is a pretty mature emotion, and I was still sort of young and naive when she left."  
  
"I guess being a Power Ranger forces you to grow up."  
  
"Trini *leaving* forced me to grow up. Suddenly it seemed like I had to face everything on my own . . . bullies, girls, social interactions. She wasn't there to filter out the bad anymore, so I learned to handle it."  
  
"I think you've done really well." Kat whispered, aware that he hadn't really heard her. He was staring out the window at the mountains, as though waiting for something.   
  
"Do you ever wish she hadn't gone?"  
  
Billy laughed, "Does almost every day count?"  
  
In attempt to lighten the mood, Kat pretended to think this over. "Hmm . . . I don't know . . ."  
  
It did the trick. Chuckling a little, Billy sighed happily, "Thank you. I think I needed to share that with someone."  
  
"I'm glad I could be that someone. Hearing you talk about Trini makes me wish I had known her too."  
  
"You would have gotten along well. The two of you have this same quiet energy."  
  
"Oh," was all Kat could manage in response. She knew that he had meant the comparison as a compliment, but something about it just made her feel . . . secondary.  
  
Looking for an excuse to leave the room for just a moment, she murmured, "The coffee's cold, I'll get us a fresh cup."  
  
Getting up, she reached over for his mug as well, only to have Billy stop her with a firm hand on her wrist.   
  
"Don't do it, Kat." He warned.  
  
"You don't want more coffee?"  
  
He ignored her question, "Don't start thinking of yourself as my replacement for Trini. I don't have the energy to snap you out of that, so stop now."  
  
Kat bit her lip to stop the tears. She hadn't even realized that was what she was doing, but once he said it, she knew he was right. **God, how does he do that?**  
  
Billy had softened his grip, but kept his hand on her wrist. "Our friendship is completely different. If Trini came back today, nothing would change. She doesn't know me anymore, not like you do."  
  
He released her completely and smiled, "You have something not one other member of this team can claim."  
  
"What?"  
  
Billy's smile transformed into a mischievous grin. "No one else, not Kim, not Trini, ever has or ever will get me to call them Captain."  
  
Kat laughed in delight.  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
(end pt.2)  
  
Thank you for reading. Comments and Criticisms are appreciated as always. 


	3. Not On My Watch

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: This chapter is set in some general time after the ski trip but before the Gold Ranger starts appearing. Each chapter will continue to move forward through the Zeo universe (with minor alterations).  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
"William James Cranston!!! Get down here right now!"  
  
**Damn** Billy winced as Kat's commanding voice echoed throughout the Zord bay. She had definitely learned to make good use of the acoustics.  
  
For a split second he contemplated not responding. The only other time Kat had used his full name was half-jokingly, right before she had given him a lecture on the fact that a candy bar did not constitute a meal. There was absolutely no humor in her voice this time.  
  
Heaving a mental sigh at the argument that he didn't to want have, but knew was unavoidable, he called back, "I've got a lot of work to do, Kat. If you want to talk to me, you'll have to come up."  
  
Silence. For a moment he thought she might have actually left, and a tiny shiver of disappointment went through him. **You wanted her to** He reminded himself.   
  
The momentary regret was quickly replaced by a tense defensiveness, as he heard her soft steps on the ladder. Muffled words that he couldn't make out, but was pretty sure were not at all complimentary, heralded her arrival.  
  
He heard her swing around the ladder and step onto the platform, but still he didn't turn. If he turned and saw the worry in her eyes it would be game over. Kat would win without saying a word, and he still had far too much work left to let that happen. So instead he kept right on repairing the damaged wiring in front of him.  
  
"I thought I might find you here."  
  
"You should be in bed, Kat." The remark came out far harsher than he intended.  
  
"I will be, as soon as I get you there too."  
  
**Oh God** His whole body froze for a fraction of a second. Instinctively, he knew what she meant, but it took a moment for his sleep-deprived mind to push past the innuendo. **Wiring, think wiring and to do list a mile long**  
  
"I'll sleep as soon as I have everything done."  
  
"You promised that last night *and* the night before."  
  
"And I'm still not done. The Zords took a lot of damage this time."  
  
"Have you gotten any sleep?" Kat questioned, her voice thin with exasperation and worry.  
  
"I took a nap on one of the cots sometime yesterday."  
  
"God, Billy . . ." Kat came and crouched down beside him, "Is this a critical system?"  
  
Billy shook his head. "I finished all the critical systems early yesterday. Critical, then backup, then auxiliary, you know how it works, Kat."  
  
Actually his repairs usually went critical, backup, Lynn, and then all the other auxiliary systems, but he wasn't about to tell her that. It had taken him long enough to stop his own guilt at that minor alteration to his repair schedule.  
  
"So is this backup or auxiliary?"  
  
"Auxiliary."  
  
"Then you can afford to sleep. We'll come back tomorrow, and you can finish then."  
  
"And if there's an attack tomorrow? What then?"  
  
"Then we go into battle with well repaired Zords. They're *auxiliary* systems Billy, not everything has to be perfect."  
  
**She doesn't understand** Billy sighed. Of course she didn't understand, how could she? He had never told her, never told anyone . . .  
  
"Billy? What is it?"  
  
Resting his head against the top of the open panel, the young engineer closed his eyes, reliving the painful memory that had recently transformed itself into one of his worst nightmares. "When I repaired your communicator, after you were hurt in the woods . . . the only damage was to the outer casing and a circuit that didn't have a backup because it *should* have been auxiliary . . . nice to keep your voice steady but not necessary . . . only with all the interference from the trees . . . God, Kat . . ."  
  
"Hey, I'm here. I'm fine. We're Rangers Billy, things happen."  
  
"No!" He slammed the flat of his hand against the wall. "No, things do not just happen, not things like that. Not on *my* watch."  
  
Ashamed of his unintended outburst, Billy went to turn his attention back to wiring he had been working on.   
  
In true Kat fashion the Pink Ranger got to his pliers first, forcing him to face her for the first time that night. "You can't plan for everything, Dr. Cranston."  
  
Snatching the pliers out of her hand, he snapped, "I can try."  
  
"And you can make yourself sick in the process," Kat grumbled.  
  
Billy wasn't listening to her however; instead his entire attention was focused on the wiring that he had just done. Nothing was right -- an entire half-hour's worth of work, for nothing.   
  
"Damn." He threw his pliers down in frustration and ran a grease-smudged hand through his hair. Deciding that one epithet just didn't rise to the occasion, he cursed again, "Damn!"  
  
"You're making mistakes aren't you?" Kat asked, in a way that told him she already knew the answer. She tugged on his arm. "You need sleep."  
  
His mind running a hundred different scenarios where this would be the difference between Adam's safety and something unspeakable, Billy shrugged off her insistent grip. "No, what I *need* are fewer distractions. Just . . . just go home Kat."  
  
Turning his back to her, the young engineer began to undo the tangle of wires, ignoring the pit of guilt that was forming in his gut. He had almost succeeded in pushing it away completely, when he heard Kat's choked sobs and heavy steps on the ladder.  
  
**Crap** Fresh disgust and self-loathing swept over him, and suddenly all the repairs in the Zord bay seemed unimportant. Dropping his tools, Billy scrambled down the ladder after her, berating himself the entire way down. **Very good Doctor, excellent bedside manner. High marks all around. God, how could you be so stupid?!**   
  
She hadn't deserved to be the brunt of his anger. It had been his own stupid mistake, but he had spoken out of frustration without thinking, and if he didn't catch up with her, he might pay for it in the dearest way possible. As he neared the bottom, he caught a glimpse of pink running across the Zord bay at high speed.  
  
"Kat!"  
  
She didn't even slow down.  
  
Jumping down, Billy hit the ground running. "Kat! I'm sorry!"  
  
He caught up with her at the access doors.  
  
"I can't remember the exit sequence." She murmured, her body still shaking with silent tears.  
  
Never in his entire life, had Billy been so grateful that they had double secured every door. Placing his hand over the keypad in case she suddenly remembered, his touched her shoulder. "Kat, please look at me."  
  
The Pink Ranger shook her head, and remained facing the doors.  
  
"Okay, I deserve that. I'm sorry, Captain." Seeing her relent a little at the nickname, he continued softly, "You didn't deserve anything I said up there. You're right. I'm tired, and I let my lack of sleep speak for me. Let me make it up to you? I don't think I should have any more coffee . . . but I could make you some. We can go up on top of the old Command Center and look out at the stars. What do you say?"  
  
"No."   
  
Billy felt his heart stop and all the air go out of the room. He couldn't lose his best friend over this. He wouldn't. Preparing to launch into serious begging, he was stopped by Kat's next words.  
  
"Your apartment."  
  
"What?" This was some strange dream. He had fallen asleep making repairs, and he was dreaming all of this. Kat turned to face him with a determined, slightly angry look on her face. **Okay . . . not a dream**  
  
"You want to make it up to me? You stop working. We go back to your apartment, and I make sure you get some sleep. That's the deal -- take it or leave it."  
  
"I'll take it." How could he not? One look at her tear-stained face, and he would have done anything to keep those tears from returning. "Just let me put everything away."  
  
Kat stopped him. "Don't worry about it. I'll come back and do it once you're asleep."  
  
"You don't ha---"  
  
She cut him off. "That's an order, Doctor."  
  
Sighing in resignation, Billy punched the exit sequence into the keypad. "You, Captain, are the most stubborn woman I have ever met."  
  
Kat smiled at him. "Only because you force me to be."  
  
*****  
  
Billy sighed as the warm water of the shower swept over him, easing out some of the tension in his muscles. God, it felt so good to be clean! He hadn't even realized how dirty he was until he had seen the grey color of the water.  
  
Stepping out of the shower, he dried off and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. He could feel the beginnings of sleep play at the edge of his consciousness. Kat had been right. He really was far too exhausted to be working.  
  
The thought of his friend sent little warning bells off in his mind. Kat was still out there in his apartment, and he was in here . . . without a clean shirt. Usually he slept without a shirt, so when he had gathered up everything to take a shower he didn't even think to grab one. It suddenly seemed like an incredibly stupid mistake.  
  
He reached over for the shirt he had been wearing, but promptly discarded it. It was filthy, and he just couldn't bring himself to put it back on. **Okay, stay calm. You're reasonably decent by modern social standards. Just walk out there and pull out a clean shirt like nothing's wrong** Yanking open the door before he had time talk himself out the plan, Billy stepped out into the room.  
  
"There you are. You know, I was beginning think you had fallen asleep in th--" Kat stepped out of his kitchen and stopped talking.   
  
At that moment, the ex-Ranger was enormously grateful he didn't have on his glasses. Trying hard not to blush, which was no doubt a dismal failure; Billy moved over to his dresser and pulled out a clean white t-shirt.  
  
"I made you some soup."  
  
Putting on his glasses, he turned to find that Kat had moved back into the tiny kitchen. Walking over, he leaned in the doorway and watched her, trying to figure out what he had ever done to deserve her friendship.  
  
Moving around the kitchen like she owned it, the Australian beauty set out two glasses and filled them with milk. Placing them on the trays with the steaming bowls of soup, she looked up at him and smiled. "I know it's pretty late at night and isn't usually good to eat anything right before you go to bed, but if I know you --"  
  
"And you do."  
  
" - You haven't eaten anything remotely nutritious in days."  
  
"Guilty as charged."  
  
"This was the closest thing to real food I could find in this entire apartment. Do you buy anything besides frozen food?"  
  
Billy shook his head, "I can't make toast, remember?"  
  
Kat laughed, "Of course. Well, here." She handed him a tray and pointed to the table. "Sit down and eat."  
  
Sitting down, Billy took a gulp of milk and looked over at her. "Kat, you do know that I'm supposed to be the one apologizing here, don't you?"  
  
"I know, and you're going to." Setting her tray on the table, she sat down across from him. "Talk."  
  
Billy ate a spoonful of soup. "About what?"  
  
"I want to know what you meant in the Zord bay when you said things like that don't happen on your watch."  
  
"I just meant that I don't like to see things go wrong technically."  
  
Kat looked at him. "No you didn't."  
  
Billy set down his spoon and met her gaze. "No . . . I didn't."  
  
"Why do we always pretend that other doesn't know exactly what we're thinking?"  
  
"Force of habit?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
They fell silent, and Billy went back to eating his soup, knowing that as soon as he finished, he'd tell her everything because that was just the way it worked.  
  
When they both had finished, he picked up the dirty dishes took them over to the sink, needing the distraction of doing something with his hands, so that he could let his thoughts flow freely. Kat followed him and stood in the doorway with her arms folded. "So?"  
  
"So . . ." Billy turned on the water and began to scrub. "You're right. I don't just dislike seeing things go wrong technically, I hate it. Every time there's a malfunction, I feel as though I've let the team down. That's my responsibility, that's my watch, and if can't keep it then what good am I?"  
  
"All kinds of good! You've saved our lives more times than I can count. Billy, you're doing everything you can."  
  
"Doesn't feel like it."   
  
"Why?"  
  
"You all go out there almost every day and risk your lives, while I sit in the Power Chamber in perfect safety and just pray that I picked the rights systems to upgrade, the right weapon to develop . . ."  
  
"You're far from just sitting around in perfect safety."  
  
"I've been a Ranger, Kat. I know the difference between being on the front lines and staying at the base."  
  
"And you want to be on the front lines again?"  
  
"No! Yes . . . I don't know anymore." Billy ran a hand over his face in frustration and leaned against the counter. "At least when I was active, I always knew that whatever happened I was there with all of you, fighting alongside you, putting myself in the same danger, but now . . . God, Kat if anything happened to you . . . any of you, I'd never be able to forgive myself."  
  
Stepping over, Kat placed a hand on his arm, and with one touch shattered what little resolve the ex-Ranger had left. Breaking down in defeated sobs, he felt her pull him close, felt her cradle his head against her shoulder, heard her whisper repeated words of comfort, but he wasn't really conscious of anything except the release of pain.  
  
They stayed that way for a long time, even after the tears had stopped, standing there in the kitchen, simply content to hold each other up. Tonight one was taking comfort and other giving it, but they both knew that the roles could so easily be reversed.  
  
Finally pulling away, almost reluctantly Billy looked at her and smiled. "Thank you, Captain."  
  
Kat smiled back, "Always. Do you want to talk about it some more?"  
  
Billy sighed, "Not really, but I probably should. You'll have to ask the questions though."  
  
"Do we have to stand in the kitchen all night?"  
  
"Wow, good question, high marks for perception." Kat swatted him playfully, and he smiled. "We could sit at the kitchen table."  
  
The Pink Ranger made a face. "No offense Billy, but you're chairs are really uncomfortable."  
  
"I know, it's the only thing keeping me awake sometimes. It's a one-room apartment Kat, I don't exactly have a plethora of seating. I guess we could sit on the floor or the bed . . ."  
  
"Bed." She pronounced in a way that broached no argument.  
  
Fighting not to lose his focus at her decision, Billy followed her over to the bed and sat down, propping one of the pillows against the wall for support.   
  
Mimicking his actions, Kat sat down beside him and wasted no time, "Why did you give your crystal to Tanya?"  
  
"I think I liked the kitchen question better."  
  
"Billy . . ."  
  
"Okay, okay. The truth is I look horrible in yellow."  
  
She just gave him a withering glare.  
  
"I know. I'm avoiding . . . can you blame me?" Staring hard at the opposite wall, Billy thought for a while and finally responded. "I think mainly because I felt it wasn't my crystal to give up. I know everyone said I should have it. I know I called it mine, but the truth is it was Aisha's. She quested for it. She found it, and in the end she sent it back with someone who she thought should have it. If she had come back with it, it would have been her power without question, who was I to question her choice?"  
  
"You mean besides being the most experienced Ranger on the team?"  
  
"Most experienced doesn't mean best. I am definitely proof of that."  
  
"Stop it! Just stop it. You were an amazing Ranger Billy. Okay, so you aren't Tommy. Who is? You were a good fighter, and more importantly you were a smart one. I've never seen anyone able to think during a fight the way you were."  
  
Blushing a little at the compliment, Billy replied, "Thanks. How are you and Tommy doing by the way?"  
  
"Oh, very subtle." Billy grinned sheepishly, and Kat relented, "We're fine, still in the same weird holding pattern, but fine. And that is all I am telling you. You're not shifting my focus that easily, there's more to this whole crystal thing than you're telling me."  
  
He let out a sigh. "Not really. I meant what I said. The work I did on Aquitar showed me that I could be of more value working in a support capacity. Intellectually I know it's true---"  
  
"But?"  
  
"But I didn't count on it being so hard. I didn't count on the fact that I'd have to stop watching your battles on the viewing globe because it killed me to do so. Everyone else made giving up their powers look so easy . . ."  
  
"Everyone else moved on to pursue a personal dream."  
  
"And I moved on to pursue grease." He let out a wry chuckle.  
  
"No, you didn't move on. You gave up your powers, but you're still part of the team, and you're a really important part."  
  
"I know. Just sometimes, I can't help but wish that I could go back and change my decision. I don't want to take away Tanya's powers, she's too good a Ranger for me to want that, but I would do anything to be able to fight alongside you guys again."  
  
"Even wear yellow?"  
  
Billy laughed, "Kat, I'd wear pink if it meant not having to watch from the Power Chamber."  
  
Apparently finding the image of him in her signature color, just too amusing, Kat doubled over in laughter. When she finally caught her breath, she looked up at him. "I wish I could do something."  
  
The former Ranger shook his head. "It would just be so much easier if I was a little more removed."  
  
"Is that why you're pushing us away?"  
  
Billy looked over at her sharply, "What makes you say that?"  
  
"Because you haven't been around for weeks. You don't come to the Youth Center. You don't come to the park. If I didn't come to the Zord bay at night, I'd never see you. I think the last time you and Tommy spent any time together was on that ski trip, you don't even know Tanya, and who knows how long it's been since you've had a good time with Adam and Rocky."  
  
Thinking back over the past month and a half he realized she was right. Billy shook his head in amusement. Of course she was right, it was the theme of this entire night. "Have I ever told you that you are a remarkably perceptive woman?"  
  
Kat giggled, "Oh, only about every time we talk. Seriously though Billy, you can't keep going on like this. I won't say that I understand how hard it is because I don't, but withdrawing yourself from your friends isn't going to make it any easier. It's just causing different kinds of pain."  
  
"What if I promised to start coming to the Youth Center once a week?"  
  
"Twice."  
  
"Twice a week."  
  
"You have to promise me something else."  
  
"When do I ever get to have you promise me something?" He grumbled in mock indignation.  
  
"All you have to do is ask."  
  
"Fine, what am I promising now?"  
  
"You have to promise me that you'll stop spending so many nights in the Zord bay."  
  
"I can't do that Kat. There's too much that has to be done, and I won't let you all go into battle without knowing everything's online and operational."  
  
"You're right." Leaning back up against the wall his friend was silent for a long time. Finally she looked back over at him. "Billy?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What if you had help?"  
  
He shook his head. "Alpha doesn't have enough dexterity to handle these kind of repairs."  
  
"What if you had human help?"  
  
He looked over at her incredulously, "Who?"  
  
"Me." She rushed on before he could protest, "I know I probably won't catch on as quickly as some of the others, but I've been watching, and it looks like a lot of the work that you do is pretty routine. Besides I'm going to come anyway."  
  
Billy just stared at her in astonishment. It was a simple solution. She was right, a lot of the work was routine, and he had the sneaking suspicion that she'd catch on a lot faster than she gave herself credit for. But still . . . it just wasn't the type of work you let your warriors do, and his Captain was definitely a warrior. Did her desire to help never end?  
  
"So what do you say?"  
  
He looked up to find her smiling at him, no makeup on, her hair disheveled from laughing, the start of dark circles underneath her eyes --- she had never looked more beautiful. "I say thank you, and when would you like to start?"  
  
Kat squealed in delight. "Two days from now. You're going to sleep for whatever is left of tonight, and you're sleeping tomorrow. I'm going to check on the Zord bay sometime tomorrow night just to make sure. Now under those covers mister."  
  
Pulling down the covers, and climbing under them, Billy murmured, "Never let it be said I disobeyed an order."  
  
Sleep began to press against the edges of his consciousness as soon as his head hit the pillow, and he was only vaguely aware of Kat tucking him in and turning out the kitchen light.  
  
"Billy, I just thought of something."  
  
"What?" He mumbled sleepily.  
  
"Would you wear the little skirt on the pink uniform too?"  
  
"Goodnight, Kat."  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Comments and Criticism always welcome.  
  
Okay, so that's Ch. 3. Obiviously there are more chapters left, but I won't be posting for at least a week because school is rearing its ugly head. I apologize in advance for the lull, 


	4. The Bigger Fool

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: Yes, I know, I said it was going to be a week before the next part, but this was so much more fun than molecular genetics. We are continuing our move forward through the Zeo Universe (with minor alterations). Also, I couldn't find the character's middle names, so I'm making them up as I go.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
"There," Kat sat back on her heels and surveyed her work with satisfaction.  
  
Scooting out from under the control panel, where he had been working, Billy looked over at her. "Finished?"  
  
"I think so." She murmured, her voice betraying her uncertainty. Cocking her head to look over the wiring one last time, she grumbled, "You couldn't have just given me a simple patch job?"  
  
Sitting up, Billy gave her a self-satisfied smile and shook his head, "Nope. None were necessary tonight. Besides the fact that you're calling it a 'simple patch job' tells me that you can more than handle realignments."  
  
"I guess." Satisfied that as far as she could tell, nothing was horrendously wrong, Kat pulled away from the panel and stood up with a grunt. "All right, come check me."  
  
Billy smiled as she tried to brush the dirt off her jeans. "Give it up, Captain, that stuff never comes off."  
  
Kat sighed, "Don't I know it. I had to tell Mom that I was working on restoring an old car with you guys. She restricted me to one pair of jeans and two tank tops. I just hope she doesn't want to actually *see* the car I've been working on."  
  
"With all the time we've been spending here, we could probably have a whole fleet of Mustangs, one for each member of the team. Still that does explain your uniform." He grinned, gesturing to the torn jeans, faded pale pink tank top, and sloppy ponytail that she always wore for repair work.  
  
"Exactly how long have you been referring to my work clothes that way?" Kat tried to give him a withering glare, but the spark of laughter in her eyes and the smudge of grease on her cheek diminished the effectiveness.  
  
Billy walked over and crouched down to inspect her work. "Since, I've been able to predict exactly which top you'd be wearing on any given evening."  
  
"Why Doctor, I'm flattered you noticed."  
  
His head still bent over the wires, the young engineer chuckled, "I always notice."  
  
At his offhand comment, Kat felt a tiny thrill of pleasure run up her spine, and she froze.  
  
"Looks good."  
  
"Huh?" **Oh, nice, very articulate** Shaking her head a little, the Pink Ranger tried to bring her focus back to her friend who was gazing up at her with concern.  
  
"The realignment you did . . . its perfect. Kat, are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah . . . I'm fine. I just need a little break."  
  
Looking as though he didn't really believe her, Billy shrugged and moved back over to his work.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Kat leaned up against the wall and stared at the ceiling. It had been a silly offhand comment. Logically most of her knew that and was happy with it, but there was just this small part of her that had wanted it to mean more, and that small part seemed to be growing a little bit bigger every time something like this happened.  
  
It was ridiculous really. Ninety-nine percent of the time she and Billy talked, laughed, and worked together like nothing more than good friends and then . . . *bam* a comment, a touch, a look and it all seemed as though it could be so much more. Just these stupid little moments that drew her up short, and caused the voice to whisper a little louder that their friendly banter was more flirtatious, their looks had more meaning, and their touches had more heat.  
  
**Lack of sleep** She told herself. Of course it was the lack of sleep. A girl just doesn't go through her entire day wanting one guy, but as soon as the night falls switch over to wanting a different one. That just wasn't the way feelings worked.  
  
**Besides, this is nothing like my feelings for Tommy** That much she at least knew with certainty. Everything about her and Tommy's friendship was tinged with the expectation of something more eventually happening, giving every interaction an undercurrent of tension. With Billy, there were no expectations, and everything they did was easy and comfortable as though they had been doing it together their entire lives. She didn't want to lose that.  
  
"Kat?"  
  
"What?" She looked over at him and realized that he had been waiting for an answer to a question she hadn't heard.  
  
"I asked whether you were ready to move on to Edward. You know I would think our fearless leader's Zord would merit a little more interest from you." Billy gave her a suggestive smirk.  
  
Laughing a little at his comment, but more at the relief of feeling everything click back into place, Kat pushed off the wall. "Yeah, I suppose poor Edward should be taken care of. Tommy beats up on him a lot."  
  
Billy barely stifled a laugh, and continued to gather his tools. "You said it not me. Feel up to doing another realignment? I think the navigation is off by just a fraction."  
  
Groaning a little, Kat brought her hand to shoulder and tried to loosen some of the knots that were beginning to form. "Is it in the same place? Because I don't know if I can stay in that position for another hour. How do you keep your back from rebelling against you?"  
  
"Sit down." Billy pushed her gently into the pilot's chair and replaced her hands with his own. "Why do you think I keep up with the martial arts training?"  
  
"For the same reason you've improved in biology, and we're here repairing Zords at two in the morning. The good of the team, Dr. Cranston, the good of the team."  
  
"Besides that." He ran both hands along her neck and pressed lightly against the back of her head, indicating she should tilt it down.  
  
"You're secretly a Bruce Lee wannabe?"  
  
"And you're insufferable. The martial arts helped me learn to be still and relaxed. I can stay in a position for awhile without all my muscles cramping."  
  
"Well then how come it's not working for me? I've been training with Tommy ever since I joined the team."  
  
"Tommy's all about movement and power. I learned from Trini --- all focus and flow ---different disciplines and styles. Talk to Adam, his style is similar to Trini's."  
  
Feeling her tension melt away under his gentle ministrations, Kat sighed in contentment. "Where did you learn to do this?"  
  
"Trini again."  
  
"Mmm, remind me to thank her when I meet her." Tilting her head up to look at him, she smiled. "You are way too good to me."  
  
"Well, it's not like I can have you in pain. How else am I going to get that realignment done?" Kat stuck out her tongue, but he ignored her. "Lean forward."  
  
Thorough as ever, he continued in little circles down the length of her spine, until Kat was sure that she might never want to move again. Moving his hands back up to her shoulders and he began to work along her shoulder blade.  
  
At the Pink Ranger's small gasp of pain, Billy pulled away so quickly that is was as though she had burned him.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't---"  
  
"No, no . . ." She hurried to reassure him. "You didn't do anything. I banged up my shoulder yesterday. You just hit a sore spot."  
  
"You should have told me. We could have put something on it."  
  
"It wasn't Ranger related, and it's healing fine. I had almost forgotten about it."  
  
"Healing? Kat, let me see."  
  
Immediately serious and focused, Billy made her stand up and move to better light. When she felt his fingers resting at the edge of her tank top strap, Kat nodded, giving him the silent permission that he always waited for.  
  
Pushing strap down her shoulder, just enough to expose her bruised skin, Billy drew in a sharp breath at what he saw there.  
  
"Looks horrible, doesn't it?"  
  
"Kat . . ." With infinite care his fingers traced the edges of the wound. "This is more than just a bruise, you've got some abrasions too. What happened?"  
  
"I just bumped into some the weight-lifting equipment."  
  
"Like hell you did. Nobody gets a bruise like that just bumping into equipment." Turning her gently so that, she faced him, he demanded, "Tell me what happened, Captain."  
  
"Jacob."  
  
Something dark and fierce flickered behind his eyes, "Who is Jacob, and what did he do to you?"  
  
"He's just this guy at school who doesn't know what a girl means when she says no."  
  
"Kat, did he . . .?" Billy's deceptively calm voice contained a mixture of fear and barely restrained anger.  
  
"No," She shook her head, "No, I didn't mean it like that. He just likes to make an annoyance of himself. Every time I turn around he's there . . . looming over me. That's what happened yesterday. He moved into my personal space, and I backpedaled hard, directly into one of the weight machines."  
  
"Does Tommy know?"  
  
"Oh yeah," She laughed. "I've got my very own, male Ranger body guard unit right now."  
  
"You don't sound very happy about it."  
  
"I am. It's just . . . while its really sweet of Tommy to look out for me and everything . . ."  
  
"You want to fight your own battles." At her surprised look, he smiled, "I spent most of my freshman year getting shoved against lockers and being protected by Trini. I know what its like to want to be able to do it yourself."  
  
"Yeah. I mean, I'm a Power Ranger, I could drop him if I wanted to, but it's not like he knows that. All Jacob sees is a weak girl."  
  
"Have you thought of trying to make him see you as something other than a weak girl?"  
  
"That's the problem, if he gave me the slightest provocation, I'd kick his ass, but all his does is stand there and smirk."  
  
"What if he saw you kick someone else's ass? On the training mats, I mean."   
  
She shook her head. "The only one I'm really evenly matched with sparring wise is Tanya. I don't think Jacob would find me beating her very impressive. Tommy might agree to pretend, but that would just be completely unbelievable."  
  
"Yeah, it probably would be, although I'd pay good money to see it."  
  
After sharing a brief chuckle over the image of her knocking their team leader to the ground, they fell into sober silence.  
  
"Kat?" Glancing up, she found Billy looking at her with a mischievous glint in his eye. "What if he saw you kick mine?"  
  
*****  
  
"Oh, come on Captain, is that all you've got?" Billy teased.  
  
"No." Was all Kat said before he barely had time to dodge a beautifully executed roundhouse.  
  
Not giving her a chance to regain her footing, he dropped to a crouch and swept her other leg out from under her, causing Kat to land on the mat with a thud.  
  
Staring up at the ceiling, the Pink Ranger muttered, "I hate you."  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
"I should."  
  
He offered her a hand up. "You know we're attracting a little bit of a crowd."  
  
"Is Jacob here yet?"  
  
Billy allowed his gaze to sweep the Youth Center. They were actually attracting the attention of just about every patron there, which wasn't surprising considering the intensity with which they were going at it. Both had agreed that if they were going to make it look real it had to actually be as real as possible, which meant actual sparring. The only difference was after going a few rounds with him in the training gym every night for a week Kat knew what it looked like when he dropped his guard, and once Jacob was present he would drop it.  
  
**Well speak of the devil and he appears** Watching the, weasel-like teen weave his way through the crowd towards the mat, Billy whispered, "He's here, and he's watching."  
  
"Showtime."  
  
"Just don't kill me."  
  
Separating out to start again, they circled for a short time with both making a few light test attacks, but Kat was obviously ready to take things up a notch. Blocking a punch, Billy began to wonder whether he would need to drop his guard at all. He had never seen her quite like this -- all fiery determination and beautiful intensity.  
  
As his back hit the mats, Billy let out a grunt of pain. **Nope, definitely no guard dropping needed**  
  
Kat was standing over him with a look on her face that was cross between triumphant and worried, and all in all very pretty. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"No you don't."  
  
"I should." Picking himself up off the mat, Billy winced. "I might be feeling that for awhile."  
  
"I could get an icepack or ---"  
  
"I'll be fine. Just let me go get a smoothie from Ernie." Locking eyes with her, he cast his gaze just over his shoulder to where Jacob was standing.  
  
Reading the grim determination on Kat's face, he left her to her own devices and went up to the Juice Bar.  
  
"That was amazing."  
  
Turning a little, Billy smiled at the familiar voice. "Hey, Tommy."  
  
Gesturing to the seat beside him, the Red Ranger continued, "When I walked in and saw the crowd, I thought there was some sort of exhibition happening. Imagine my surprise at seeing you and Kat going at it out there."  
  
"Yeah, she's pretty good. Of course she's had a good teacher."  
  
"Just watching her go. She was so beautiful."  
  
"I wouldn't know. I was too busy hitting the mat." Smiling a little at the slightly goofy look that had come over the face of his usually rather intense friend, Billy followed Tommy's gaze out into the crowd, just into time to see Jacob approach Kat as she was stretching.  
  
"Why that . . ."  
  
Billy laid a restraining hand on the Red Ranger's arm. He'd be damned if he was going to let Tommy ruin this, because there was no way he was going back out on those mats again. "Kat can handle him, Tommy. Let her do it her way."  
  
As though on cue, the Pink Ranger got up from her stretch, grabbed her bag, and sauntered slowly over to them as though nothing was wrong. When Jacob moved to step in front of her, she didn't slow down a fraction, so that he was the one forced to move aside first.  
  
"Wow."  
  
The ex-Ranger had to admit that that about summed her up at this very moment.  
  
"Did you see that?!" At Kat's excited squeal, Billy looked up just in time to be caught in a gigantic hug. "Did you see that? We did it! I'm so happy I could kiss you."  
  
Coughing a little at her last statement, Billy caught her gaze and flicked his eyes over to Tommy. In a flash she had launched herself into the Red Ranger's arms. "Tommy! Did you see me?!"  
  
Oh, yeah, Kat was on cloud-nine or possibly nine and a half.  
  
"Yeah, I saw you. You were amazing. Here sit down." Watching Tommy pull the chair out for Kat, Billy didn't miss the openly admiring look his face or the way he kept his arm at her back. It was as though in these last few minutes, Kat had completely stepped out of Kimberly's shadow into her own personal and apparently very flattering spotlight.  
  
"Oh, that's only because I had help." Kat caught Billy's eye and smiled, and for a moment they were alone exchanging a private joke.  
  
Tommy flicked his gaze between the two and grinned, "You planned this?"  
  
Billy laughed, "Oh, yeah."  
  
"But the sparring looked completely real."  
  
Kat smiled, "It was real."  
  
"The pain is too."  
  
"Well, at least it was real up until the point where Billy intentionally dropped his guard."  
  
"No I didn't."  
  
Kat looked over at him wide-eyed, "You mean that wasn't intentional."  
  
"No, I mean I didn't drop my guard. You were just faster." Seeing her concerned look he smiled, "Take pride Kat, you truly and royally kicked my ass."  
  
Tommy shot him a surprised look at his language, and Billy laughed. "Sorry, private joke."  
  
Kat however was grinning at him like an idiot. "So you up for a rematch?"  
  
"Ugh," The young engineer groaned, "Not until my bruises fade to yellow and then we'll see."  
  
"Why did you ask Billy for help?" Tommy finally interjected, with a bewildered expression on her face.  
  
Billy meet Kat's gaze and after a moment of silent communication answered, "Because she knew that I had had trouble with bullies in the past. Who better to go to than the expert?"  
  
Accepting the small white lie at face value, the Red Ranger turned his attention back to Kat, and the three of them continued talking and laughing over smoothies.  
  
As the conversation died down, Tommy asked hesitantly, "Kat, what are you doing this evening?"  
  
Billy tried to make himself as unobtrusive as possible, as the Pink Ranger blushed a little and replied, "Nothing really. Why?"  
  
**Ladies and Gentlemen the Captain has just reached cloud ten**  
  
"Well, . . . I . . . I was thinking that we all might go out. You know the entire team, take some time off and boost morale."  
  
**Oh, for the love of . . .** Billy barely refrained from kicking Tommy under the table, as he saw the flicker of disappointment play across Kat's face.  
  
Getting up from the table she smiled half-heartedly, "Yeah, that would be nice. Count me in."  
  
Watching her walk away with a little less spring in her step, the teen genius dropped his head and sighed, "Tommy, can I talk to you, out in the hall?"  
  
---  
  
Leaning against the lockers, the Red Ranger sighed, "I just don't know if I can do it."  
  
Billy wanted to bang his head against the metal in frustration. "She likes you Tommy. If there is one thing I know about Kat it's that she likes you."  
  
Of course there were lots of things he knew about his best-friend, but somewhere along the line the two of them had come to the silent understanding that for some reason that wasn't something to be shared with the rest of the team. Not that he was complaining. It made the time they spent to together uniquely their own.  
  
"Yeah, but maybe it's just not the right time yet."  
  
"Oh come on, I saw the look on your face when she hugged you today. You could have lit up the New York skyline. Besides, you can't keep stringing her on like this."  
  
A dark look crossed Tommy's face, "You think that's what I'm doing?"  
  
The young engineer had about ten snappy comments that seemed good at that moment, but he settled for rolling his eyes and replying, "I don't think you're doing it intentionally, but yeah that's what you're doing."  
  
"I don't want to, but I also don't want to rush anything after Kim."  
  
"Tommy, do me a favor. Close your eyes, picture Kim at her best, and describe her for me using three words." At the Red Ranger's startled look, Billy gave him a wane smile, "Just humor me."  
  
Obeying somewhat reluctantly, Tommy closed his eyes. After a moment he said, "Bright, open, beautiful."  
  
"Okay, now picture Kat and do the same thing."  
  
"Calm, caring . . ."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Beautiful." Tommy finished somewhat weakly.  
  
Billy chuckled. He would have chosen strong, perceptive and fiery, but Tommy's description was enough to satisfy him, "I should have placed a restriction on that word in the beginning, but it proves my point."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"You see different things in Kat. You're not interested in her solely because of her similarities to Kim."  
  
"Still . . ."  
  
This time Billy did bang his head against the locker. "This is ridiculous. Look, just go out there and ask her. She'll say yes, and I'll get some sleep."  
  
"Some wha. . .?"  
  
"Just ask her," The ex-Ranger interjected, realizing his slip of the tongue. "I'm going to stand right here, and if you don't, I promise I will make you regret it."  
  
Tommy laughed, "Are you threatening me?"  
  
"Not physically, but I'm a hacker in a world run by computers. I can screw with you six ways from Sunday." Billy didn't know what was in his eyes, but for a second Tommy looked just a little bit frightened. "I'm joking . . . sort of."  
  
Dragging his friend over to the hall opening, he forced Tommy to look into the Youth Center. "She's right over there, just go up to her and ask her to a movie."  
  
"Easy for you to say."  
  
"Exactly, one of the few pleasures of not being the heart-breaker."  
  
"Where is Mondo when you need him?"  
  
"Just go." With that the teen genius forcibly shoved his friend out into the main area of the Youth Center.  
  
Standing in the doorway, he watched Tommy walk over and approach his best-friend with no little trepidation, but as soon as the Red Ranger received one of Kat's soft smiles, he was speaking very fast and very animatedly.  
  
As Billy saw the sheer joy light up Kat's face, his heart skipped a beat at the thought that he had helped to put it there. After everything she had done for him, his Captain deserved this and so much more.  
  
At that moment, Kat's gaze met his from across the room and for an ephemeral instant there was something almost regretful in her eyes, but then it danced away to be replaced by gratitude and delight. Billy smiled back. How could he not, when Kat glowed like that? Tommy had been such a fool for keeping her at arms length for as long as he did.  
  
**So why do I suddenly feel like a bigger one?**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
(end pt.4)  
  
I never said who would date. Yes I'm a bitca, no I don't care, but feel free to tell me so in feedback.  
  
Comments and Criticisms are appreciated as always. 


	5. The More Things Change

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: I apologize for the lull. I've been out of town and this part proved a little tricky. We are continuing our move forward through the Zeo Universe (with minor alterations). This part falls approximately a week after "Bigger Fool"  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to pokemaniacbill for his beta read, and Lilac Moon for her company.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
"Kat?"  
  
"You don't have to look so stunned." The Pink Ranger shot back with a smile; ribbing her friend good-naturedly about the sleepy deer-in-the-headlights expression he wore.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just . . ." Billy squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again, as though trying to make sure she wasn't a mirage.  
  
"Nope . . . I'm still here . . . still standing in the hallway . . . waiting for you to be a gentleman and invite me in . . ."  
  
To her not-so-subtle hint, the young engineer managed the incredibly articulate reply of, "Huh?"  
  
Sighing in a mixture of amusement and exasperation, Kat put a hand to his chest and shoved him back into his apartment. Following him over the threshold, she teased, "See, now I had to go and do that. What would your neighbors have thought?"  
  
Having awakened a little at her playful assault, Billy responded, "Since they're all college-age guys, probably things that I can't say in public."  
  
"Well, I'm happy to have helped enhance your reputation."  
  
Leaning against the now closed door, the blonde genius crossed his arms and gave her a puzzled look. "Not that I'm not really grateful for your help with my non-existent reputation, but . . ." He pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose, as though this would somehow make everything clear. "Why are you here again?"  
  
Kat looked over in surprise at his obvious confusion, "You weren't in the Zord bay."  
  
"Ah." Billy nodded wisely and promptly went to back to staring at her dumbfounded, "Okay, you're going to have to navigate this one a little more clearly for me Captain. I just woke up."  
  
"Oh." Suddenly feeling a little foolish, Kat turned to stare at the unmade bed --- the bed, which he had obviously been comfortably resting in, before she had interrupted.  
  
Knocking on his door at one in the morning had seemed like a perfectly logical course of action upon finding the Zord bay dark and empty. Never once had it occurred to her that he might be sleeping. Friday night, sleep, and Billy were just three concepts that didn't occupy the same space in her mind.   
  
**Nice going, wake him up from what's probably the first decent night's sleep he's let himself have in weeks.** God, she could kick herself for being so inconsiderate.  
  
"Kat?" She spun around to find him looking at her in obvious concern without the slightest trace of annoyance at being roused from his dreams.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I'll just go now."  
  
Billy caught her arm, "I didn't say I wanted you to go. I'm just still trying to process why you're here . . . in uniform no less."  
  
Kat looked down at her work clothes and then back up at him. "It's Friday. We always work on Fridays."  
  
Comprehension finally dawned in Billy's eyes. "But I thought you had a date with Tommy tonight."  
  
"I did."  
  
"But you're here."  
  
"It's one AM, Billy. My date ended around eleven. So here I am reporting for duty. Only I didn't have anyone to report to."  
  
"I'm sorry. I just thought you wouldn't be coming . . . that you'd want to spend time with your friends."  
  
The Pink Ranger looked over at him sharply, "You are my friend."  
  
"No, I know that . . . I just meant . . ." He took a cautious step towards her, "I don't want you to feel that you've got some obligation to give up your Friday nights like this."  
  
"Billy . . ."  
  
"I mean it. I'm grateful for your help, but ---"  
  
"Billy . . ."  
  
"You should have some fun."  
  
She held up a hand to stop him from saying anymore, "I want to be here."  
  
"Oh." Blinking a little as his still sleep-addled mind processed this piece of information, Billy let a slow smile spread across his face. "Well then, I'm sure I can scrounge up something for us to toil over."  
  
As he moved around the room, picking a pair of jeans up off the floor and pulling a clean t-shirt out of the dresser, Kat swore she could actually see the wheels in his head begin to turn faster and faster until they were almost clicking along at their normal pace. "We don't have any real repairs to do, but there are some upgrades that might be good to start thinking about. You should learn how to do a preliminary scan to evaluate a starting point. I haven't taught you that yet, have I?"  
  
She barely stifled a laugh, as he looked over at her in slight bewilderment. Apparently his brilliant mind wasn't yet up to speed. "No, you haven't taught me anything other than the basics. Are you always this disoriented when you wake up?"  
  
He just looked at her blankly, and Kat was about to worry when she caught the start of a wry grin twitching at the corners of his mouth. Obviously his perverse sense of humor did not take as long to kick in.  
  
Billy chuckled as he realized he was caught. "Yeah, if I was really sleeping. Cat naps I can sort of shoot awake from, but if I've been out for awhile it takes almost an entire half-hour for me to even approach full-speed."  
  
"So for a full half-hour you operate like a normal person, how horrible."  
  
"It really is."  
  
"I'd throw something at you right now if I had anything."  
  
"Glad it's my apartment." And with that parting comment, he closed the bathroom door behind him, just as Kat came to the realization that the entire apartment was strewn with very throwable dirty laundry.  
  
After chucking a sweater at the closed door, just on general principle, Kat moved over the tiny kitchen and flipped the switch. Giving herself a moment to adjust to the sudden onslaught of bright lights, she called out, "Coffee?"  
  
"You have to ask?" Billy responded from behind the closed door.  
  
"No, I mean where do you keep your coffee?"  
  
"Freezer."  
  
"What?"  
  
"There are whole beans in the freezer. Three kinds, take your pick. Grinder is by the coffee maker, and filtered water is in the fridge."  
  
Opening the freezer, Kat shook her head in amusement at finding three carefully wrapped varieties of coffee. Leave it to Billy, who lived on prepackaged, amorphous food that she wasn't even sure deserved the name, to be a gourmet when it came to coffee.  
  
Of course that about summed up his entire approach to life. Those things he deemed important merited his entire attention and meticulous care. Everything else was simply a distraction to be taken care of with the absolute minimum of effort.   
  
It was particularly apparent in the now well-lit little room, which he jokingly referred to as 'the resting place' mostly to annoy Kat because of what she termed his 'I'll sleep when I'm dead' mentality. Most of the one room apartment looked like a war torn country --- a shoe here, a shirt there, a pile of laundry that could have been clean or dirty, a half-finished soda. Yet in the middle of it all, like some island of calm, sat his desk with papers neatly filed, pens all in a single place, and a pile of carefully marked schematics that she was pretty sure would prove to be for the Zords.  
  
"Ugh." She looked up to find the object of her musings standing the bathroom doorway, shielding his eyes. "I'd say you're incredibly cruel, but I can smell the Columbian."  
  
"See, I know all your weak spots."  
  
"You've got me. Can't say no to the stuff."  
  
"So if Mondo offered you a bottomless pot . . ."  
  
"Turn me in a heartbeat." Grinning at the complete ridiculousness of the concept, Billy slid into his desk chair, and began to flip through some of the schematics in front of him. Finding the one he was looking for he pulled it out. "I was thinking we could start looking at a weapons upgrade to Morgan. Route some power through a few circuits, install some new ones here . . ."  
  
Kat moved to look over his shoulder. She didn't understand half of what the young genius was saying, but it didn't really matter. There was something euphoric about Billy as he worked --- the way he became so completely engrossed in the problem, the unstoppable pace at which his hands flew across the computer keyboard. He was supernatural and very human all in one continuous moment.  
  
Glancing up in sudden realization of her presence, he smiled in apology and pushed the schematics over so that she could get a clear view, explaining, "I was just thinking that if we take these three circuits, and used them ---"  
  
Putting her hand over the schematics to stop him from doubling back on his thoughts, Kat murmured, "You don't always have to teach me."  
  
Billy visibly flinched. "I - I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't keep shoving this down your thr---"  
  
"No, Billy!" Reaching out instinctively, she grabbed his hand. "That's not what I meant. I like learning from you. It's just . . . I can tell your mind is already sixteen steps ahead on this. I don't want you to always feel that you have to slow down for me."   
  
"I don't mind."  
  
"Well I do. I didn't ask to help just to create more work for you. This is one of those times when you should just wind me up, point me in a direction, and say go." Squeezing his hand reassuringly, she pulled away. "You keep working. I'm gonna go finish making the coffee, so Mondo can't lure you away."  
  
"'Kay." Billy responded distractedly already completely absorbed in the notes he was making.  
  
Moving back to the kitchen, Kat threw a surreptitious glance over her shoulder and bit the inside of her lip in concern. This marked the third time in just over a week that one of them had misunderstood the other.   
  
In one sense she felt a little silly for worrying about it, after all if it had been anyone else she probably wouldn't even have noticed. But it wasn't just anyone. It was Billy. It was her. It was them. Two people who were usually so in tune with one another that they knew what the other was thinking sometimes better than they knew themselves. Only this past week, everything had seemed just the tiniest bit off. Not overwhelmingly so, but enough that she had gone through what should have been one of her better weeks in a slight funk.  
  
Kat brought Billy's cup over to him and set it down on the desk, only to be rewarded by a slightly surprised look, which was quickly replaced by a gaze that was just a fraction too grateful. As he turned back to the schematics, the Pink Ranger stumbled under the weight of sudden realization.  
  
He had been expecting her to leave! She had seen that look two other times this week already, and in one blinding flash it all made sense. Her best friend fully expected her not to have time for him anymore.   
  
Sitting down on the bed, Kat worked to ignore the near physical impulse to chuck something at his head. Did he really think that just because Tommy had asked her out, she was just going to drop everything else? **No, he just thinks I'm going to drop him.** Kat shook her head. **God, Doctor for someone so smart, you are really stupid.**  
  
Of course, maybe it wasn't so stupid. She'd seen other girls become so wrapped up in a new relationship that they forgot to maintain existing friendships, but this wasn't the type of friendship that got maintained. It simply existed, like gravity and air. Spending time with Billy made everything right with her world to the point where it was an almost unconscious pull. Tonight after kissing Tommy good night, and spending half an hour gossiping with Tanya about her date, it had been the most natural thing the world to change clothes and teleport over to the Zord bay.  
  
Maybe that was the problem. Maybe somewhere along the way the pleasant routine that they had established had become too unconscious. **He thought I felt obligated.** She didn't feel that at all, but as she sipped her coffee it became pretty apparent how he could think that. The time that they spent together was completely determined by the work to be done. No work, no time. The Friday night sessions had been a chance happening of repeated attacks, only at some point she had come to rely on them.  
  
Billy's earlier comment about spending time with her friends and having fun replayed itself in the back of her mind, eating away at her. God, how could she make him see that if she had just three free hours to spend time with one friend it would be a pretty fair toss up between Tommy, Tanya, and him . . . and that Billy would probably win out?  
  
"Doctor?"  
  
Looking up at the nickname, Billy smiled, "I'm almost ready Captain. Just give me a few more minutes to finish these calculations."  
  
"No, I was just thinking . . ." She trailed off a little nervous under his now complete attention. "Would you mind if we did something else?"  
  
"Well, we could focus on Lynn if you like . . ."  
  
"No, I mean something besides working in the Zord bay."  
  
"Like what? There's nothing open right now. Trust me, I know."  
  
"You offered to show me the stars once."  
  
For a moment Billy looked as though he had just woken up again, but he quickly recovered and nodded thoughtfully, "Yeah, I did. All right, stars it is."  
  
Fighting not to bounce up and down like a giddy child, Kat shot off the bed and back into the kitchen. "Do you have a thermos for the coffee?"  
  
"Not sure. Try the junk cabinet below the sink."  
  
"Found one." Pouring the rest of the pot, she had made into the thermos; Kat glanced over to find Billy searching for his other shoe. "Over by the window."  
  
"Thanks. Here."  
  
The Pink Ranger looked up just in time to have a dark gray sweatshirt hit her squarely in the face.  
  
"Sorry." Billy said with barely concealed laughter that told her he wasn't sorry at all. "You're going to need that though. It gets a little chilly out there at night, and sitting on top of the Command Center you catch a breeze."  
  
"You've done this before."  
  
"Couple of times. Never had company before. It'll be nice."  
  
Kat laughed as Billy finished neatly arranging all of his notes, careful to number and date them, and then bent over to dig a sweater for himself out of the pile of clothes in the middle of the room.  
  
"What?"  
  
At his expression of complete oblivion to the dichotomy he presented, she laughed again, "Nothing, it's just . . . your apartment has a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. Are you sure there isn't a split personality I should worry about?"  
  
Scanning the apartment, Billy realized what she was referring to and grinned. "I don't think so, although I did have an evil clone once. Does that count?"  
  
Kat just looked at him in astonishment. Only to a Power Ranger would those words sound so completely normal. "Okay, as soon as we get out to the Command Center you're telling me that story."  
  
*****  
  
"There was leather?"  
  
Billy nodded, slightly embarrassed. "There was leather and spikes, and from what I'm told an incredible mastery of the word 'yeah'. I'm trying to repress."  
  
"Are there pictures?"  
  
The look on the teen genius's face was one of sheer terror. "I hope not."  
  
Kat barely kept from snorting her coffee, "That's even better than the evil clone story, but not quite as good as the body-switching. I still don't believe you about not looking."  
  
"Don't you have any stories you'd like to share?" Billy queried obviously anxious to steer the conversation away from that particular event.  
  
"None that can match up to those." Kat briefly considered teasing him further, but decided to let it slide. Despite his openness with her that was obviously just one of those things he would remain firmly embarrassed about. Granting him a gracious reprieve, she turned to look up at the glittering night sky. "I haven't seen this many stars since leaving Australia."  
  
"It's hard to get a clear view in Angel Grove, too much ambient light. I used to come out to the desert with my parents when I was younger to witness major astronomical events."  
  
"It's funny."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The stars don't look that different. I guess I just expected the night sky to look completely different half way across the world."  
  
"Still the same stars."  
  
Kat sighed, "It's nice. Makes me feel like I'm not really that far away."  
  
"Yeah, when they start to look different, it's disconcerting."  
  
"When is that?"  
  
"When you're half-way across the galaxy."  
  
The Pink Ranger looked over at him in awe. She sometimes forgot that for all the amazing things she'd seen, Billy had seen three times as many. He never really talked about his travels in space, as though he didn't want to rub everyone's nose in it.  
  
"Do they really look that different?"  
  
Billy rocked his hand from side to side. "Yes and no. All the constellations seem a little wrong somehow because some stars aren't as bright as they should be, but from a ship they look pretty much as you'd expect. On Aquitar however, the atmosphere is completely different, the stars sort of spread in blurs like car headlights on a rainy night, and everything has a bit of a blue tinge to it."  
  
Kat closed her eyes as he spoke; letting his words paint pictures across her mind. "It sounds like being in an impressionist painting."  
  
"That's actually a pretty good description."  
  
"It's hard to imagine you being so far away. I mean you can't even see Aquitar from here can you?"  
  
"No, but . . ." Billy scooted around behind her, and pointed up at the sky. "See that cluster of stars there? Three bright, with several dimmer ones."  
  
Following his hand, Kat looked out at the three stars that stood out like jewels and nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"Okay, look dead center between them and imagine a tiny planet the size of Pluto that's so blue the Earth should hand over its title. That's Aquitar."  
  
For a moment Kat swore she could actually see it as though Billy's voice, which had gone soft with appreciation and something akin to longing, conjured it from the darkness. "Do you miss it?"  
  
"Not as much as I missed Earth while I was there. I used to use the same three stars to find home."  
  
"Three bright." Kat murmured leaning back to rest against the roof of the command center, only to come in contact with Billy's chest. Shoving away the momentary impulse to sink against him, she sat back up. "Sorry."  
  
Shaking his head at the unnecessary apology, he shifted out of the way and moved to lie beside her. After a few moments of silence, he said, "You're very good at getting me to tell stories and not reciprocating."  
  
Leaning back on her elbows, Kat set her mug down carefully beside her and looked out at the night sky. "Not many to tell. When I was younger most of my life was focused on diving."  
  
"What was that like?"  
  
"Like flying."  
  
"Flying?" He queried gently, urging her to share.  
  
"Yeah. You stand on the edge of a platform completely human, and then for one moment you're a bird in freefall."  
  
"And then you're a fish." The young engineer chuckled, "That's a lot of metamorphosis for one dive."  
  
"But what a rush. I didn't think anything would ever match that until I became a Ranger." Suddenly realizing that she was emphasizing the positives of something he had given up, Kat turned with an apology on the tip of her tongue.  
  
But Billy beat her to it. "It's okay. I really don't mind. After all I still remember what it felt like, so I can relate. It is a bit of an adrenaline high."  
  
"A bit?"  
  
"Slight understatement."  
  
Kat emitted a laugh of pure joy. She felt like dancing, felt as though she could fly right off the edge and soar. He had known! Before she said a word, he had been able to tell exactly what she was thinking. Everything was right with the world again.  
  
"I'm not going to pretend that my humor is that funny. Why are you so elated?"  
  
"We're back."  
  
Billy raised his eyebrows, "We've been gone?"  
  
Turning on her side to meet his eyes, Kat nodded. "Haven't you felt it? Ever since Tommy asked me out last week, it's like we've been expecting things to change."  
  
Her friend's expression grew shuttered, "Things have changed."  
  
"But not for us. You're not going to lose me, Billy."  
  
If the young engineer had been drinking his coffee he would have choked on it. As it was he had to settle for knocking the mug over, and chasing it fruitlessly as it rolled off the edge of the roof. Wincing a little as he heard the crash, he peered down into the inky darkness, and sighed, "I really liked that mug."  
  
Kat crawled up beside him and looked over the ledge. "I'll buy you new one. Did you hear a word I said?"  
  
Billy nodded slowly, still looking out into the darkness. "I heard you."  
  
"But you don't believe me."  
  
"It's not that I don't believe you, but . . ." Pulling away from the ledge, he carefully sat down, avoiding her gaze. "You're going to want to spend more time with Tommy that's natural, and there are only so many hours in a day."  
  
"Are you *trying* to push me away, Doctor?!"  
  
Billy's head snapped up, finally meeting her eyes. "God, no."  
  
"Well, then listen to me. If I run out of time, I will get rid of something else on my schedule, but not this. Not unless you tell me to go." Kat held his gaze, letting him test the truth of her statement.  
  
Obviously finding whatever he saw there satisfying, Billy nodded slowly, "I would never tell you to go."  
  
"Good, then we're clear. You're not losing me, and I'm not losing you. Your friendship is too important to me." Feeling the need to lighten the mood, Kat poked him playfully. "After all if it wasn't for you, Tommy would never have asked me in the first place."  
  
"You knew?"  
  
"Well you weren't exactly subtle with the taking him out in the hall and the next minute he's finally screwed his courage to the sticking plate."  
  
Billy looked at her in mild surprise, "Shakespeare."  
  
"We're reading it in English. What did you do to him out there anyway, beat him up?"  
  
The young genius let out a full and easy laugh that told her whatever shadow had passed over him was gone. "Not in this dimension. Let's just say I implied that crossing a person with intimate knowledge of computers could be less than pleasant."  
  
"Less than pleasant. That's a nice euphemism for 'I can screw with you six ways from Sunday."  
  
If Billy had another mug to drop he would have. "He told you?" Kat nodded, and he groaned. "He's an idiot. That's all there is to it. Our fearless leader is an idiot."  
  
"Hey! I'm dating that idiot. And he didn't mean to tell me, it was just when we were at the door tonight, he said something about being really grateful to you, and I prodded the rest out of him."  
  
"You could make a mute speak if you wanted."  
  
"I'm pretending that's a compliment."  
  
"Pretend away."  
  
"Billy?" At his name, her Doctor looked over, and for a fleeting instant Kat forgot what she was going to say.  
  
"Captain?"  
  
Shaking herself out of the reverie, she smiled, "Thank you."  
  
"Always."  
  
"What did I do to deserve this?"  
  
"You tried to attack me in the Zord bay at one in the morning, you made coffee, and you held my tools for ransom."  
  
"It was the coffee that got you wasn't it?"  
  
"That and your appreciation of my three AM humor. No one else on this team is a night person."  
  
"Ugh," Kat rolled on her stomach to smile at him, "I know what you mean. Do you know why my date with Tommy ended at eleven? He's going to do katas with Rocky at dawn. Something about peace with nature."  
  
Billy's expression told her exactly what he thought of that idea.  
  
The Pink Ranger nodded in agreement, "That's how I feel. The only time I *ever* want to see dawn is if . . ."  
  
"You've been up all night." He completed for her with a smile.  
  
"Exactly. How in tune can you be with nature that early in the morning?"  
  
"Don't look at me. If I'm awake at that time, I'm usually in the Zord bay." Looking out at the sky, he mused, "I wonder what the lure of sunrise is anyway."  
  
Kat shrugged. "Don't know, but it's almost four thirty now. Do you want to stay up and find out?"  
  
Billy nodded, "But I'm going to need another mug."  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Thank you for reading. For those of you who didn't figure it out Morgan is Tanya's Zord. Also, "screw your courage to the sticking plate" is from Henry V.   
  
Comments and Criticism appreciated as always. 


	6. Aftershocks I

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: We are continuing our move forward through the Zeo Universe (with minor alterations). Because of this part's sheer size and differences I'm dividing it into two parts with the next one to be posted sometime within the next week. This section falls possibly the same day to a day after Jason takes the Gold Ranger powers.  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Lilac Moon for her company and encouragement.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
"You have got to find a better hiding place."  
  
Looking up at Kat's gentle chiding, Billy gave her a wane smile and set down his pliers. "I wasn't hiding."  
  
The Pink Ranger crossed her arms and responded with a look that plainly said 'that's a load of bullshit and you know it'. He fought the urge to wince. Though he rarely heard Kat utter even the mildest of curses, she had the ability to issue a silent string of profanity with a look. He hated being on the receiving end.  
  
Backing down, he ran a hand across his face and murmured, "I just needed to get away."  
  
Her expression softening at his admission, Kat crouched beside him and looked over his shoulder at the patch job he was in the middle of. "You should have left this for me."  
  
"I needed something mindless."  
  
"Can't get much more mindless than a patch. You could probably do this in your sleep."  
  
"I think I actually did that once."  
  
Smiling a little, Kat touched his shoulder, "Everyone started asking where you went."  
  
The young engineer sighed and turned back to his work. "I'm not going back to the party."  
  
"And I wasn't going to ask you to." As though to prove herself, she handed him the next tool he would need without being asked. "I'm actually surprised you stayed as long as you did."  
  
"So am I."  
  
For a long moment, she looked at him as though willing him to say something else, but when he remained stubbornly silent she moved to sit down.  
  
"You'll ruin your dress."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Kat . . ."  
  
The look was back. Meeting his eyes with a gaze of defiance, she picked out the dirtiest possible spot and sat. "Like I'm any more likely to wear this dress again than you are to wear that sweater."  
  
Glancing down at his grease stained cream sweater, he had to acknowledge she was right. Up until tonight this had been one of his few pieces of nice clothing, and he had actually gone through a lot of trouble to keep it that way because he liked it. Now though . . . well it didn't matter how many grease stains it had because as soon as he got home he was throwing it away . . . unpleasant associations.  
  
"I wish you had told me you were leaving. I would have come with you."  
  
He shook his head. "You were with Tommy, and he would have asked why I was leaving."  
  
"Right, of course, because God forbid you spoil *their* moment with *your* feelings."  
  
Billy flinched at the acid sarcasm that laced Kat's voice. He had never heard her speak with such bitterness about anything or anyone, much less her teammates who usually received only kind thoughts and sweet smiles. The stark contrast made her outburst of feeling seem all the more brutal.   
  
He just didn't have the resources to deal with this right now. "Please Captain, if you're going to be angry with me, can we put it off until tomorrow?"  
  
Running a hand over her face, she sighed --- a deep bone-tired sigh that reflected everything he should be feeling at that moment, as though she was somehow reaching inside him and externalizing all the emotions he was still too numb to feel. "I'm not angry with you. I'm just . . . frustrated with the whole situation. How could you let them celebrate like that?"  
  
"The addition of a new Ranger is cause for celebration."  
  
"Dammit Billy, that new Ranger should have been you!"  
  
And there it was, hanging in the silence --- the basis for her frustration and the source of the ice flow that had replaced his blood leaving him too cold to feel --- one dashed hope. A hope that they hadn't even had a right to.  
  
Fighting to maintain control because it was all he had right now, Billy murmured, "Obviously it just wasn't meant to be."  
  
Kat stared at him, dumbfounded, and grumbled, "I wish you wouldn't pretend to be so calm about this."  
  
"At the moment I think you're angry enough for both of us."  
  
"Well someone should be. I still can't believe you gave Tommy your permission to throw the party."  
  
"He wasn't really asking for my permission."  
  
"He asked you whether you were okay with the party. If you had said anything he wouldn't have had it."  
  
Dropping his pliers, he glared over at her, and snapped, "What was I supposed to say, Kat? What could I possibly have said that wouldn't have resulted in the team thinking I resent Jason?"  
  
Apparently finding whatever was in his eyes too disconcerting, she dropped her head down to stare at the floor. Just as he thought that she would remain silent, she whispered, "Do you?"  
  
The question brought him up short. His first instinct was to say no, of course he didn't resent the guy, who had been his first leader and like a brother to him, stepping up when he was needed. Yet at the memory of seeing Jason able to help when once again he couldn't, there was this sick feeling that wouldn't go away. Every thought and emotion seemed to be twisted up in other contradictory ones, and he didn't want to try to sort it out yet.   
  
"I don't know." He finally responded, deliberately catching her gaze, hoping she would understand that at the moment it was the only answer he had.  
  
Kat slumped against the wall, a little of the fight gone out of her. "I'm sorry. You're right, it was completely out of line for Tommy to put you in that position."  
  
Falling back on his habitual unquestioning support of their leader, Billy shook his head. "He tried to do the right thing in a difficult situation. It was important to make Jason feel like a part of the team as quickly as possible, and the party was a good way."  
  
"I just hated that everyone seemed so obliviously happy."  
  
"We're good at accentuating the positive. It's how we cope." He turned back to his work, uncertain whether he was explaining their actions to himself or to her. "I've actually always liked that about our friends. With everything we've been through, it would be nearly unbearable if we couldn't find a silver lining."  
  
"Are you finished trying to convince yourself that you're okay with that?"  
  
Taking a moment to put the cover back over the panel he had been working on, Billy nodded, "Yeah, I think I'm done."  
  
"Good."  
  
"I'm not ready to actually talk about this, Captain."  
  
"Then we'll dwell, Doctor. Let everyone else have their silver-lining. We can take the storm clouds."  
  
Managing a half-hearted smile at Kat's willingness to just be there for him in whatever way he needed, Billy came and sat down beside her.  
  
"You'll ruin your pants."  
  
"Good."   
  
Snorting softly at having her words turned on her, Kat leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. "Welcome to the storm."  
  
Normally Billy would have said that the bitterness in her voice and anger written across his Captain's face marred her warm, inviting beauty, but not tonight. The knowledge that she was angry on his behalf, for his disappointments, transformed her into perfection --- his avenging angel.  
  
**I don't deserve her indignation** Of course, given the way he had acted at the party he didn't even deserve her presence here. God, he had been such an asshole. Kat had spent most of the party trying to talk to him, and he had spent most of the party avoiding her. Every time she caught his eye, he had looked away. Every time she walked up to him, he had suddenly found a conversation across the room interesting.  
  
Billy had berated himself the entire night, but he just couldn't bring himself to stop. He hadn't been able to shake the feeling that the perfectly dressed, beautiful blonde on Tommy Oliver's arm wasn't the same girl who knew him. The girl standing across the room didn't know how he took his coffee or how he had cried. She couldn't do a patch job or look pretty in grease stains and torn jeans. She wouldn't have called him Doctor because she wasn't his Captain.  
  
More than anything that was why he had left the party. Because standing there watching her with Tommy had made him feel more alone than anything else. So he had come here hoping his Captain would show, and sure enough she had. Only much to his surprise she was the same girl he'd been avoiding all night.   
  
That realization brought forth a whole new set of feelings inside him --- joy that Kat had not decided he wasn't worth the effort, disgust with himself for being such a jerk, and something . . . ugly directed very forcefully towards Tommy.   
  
Clenching his jaw tight Billy rested his arms across his knees, pressed his head against them, and tried very hard to push that final emotion away. The absolute last thing he needed was to add whatever that was to the mixture of resentful, ugly emotions simmering inside him. The addition of that might just cause the whole thing to boil over.  
  
He didn't know how long they stayed that way, sitting together nursing their disappointment. In someway being in Kat's presence acted a balm for his soul. As though the sheer fact that someone chose to acknowledge that this day had not been a joyful one siphoned off some of the bitterness. Still the anger remained, providing a fierce undercurrent to the silence.  
  
Kat was the first to allow herself to be swept back into it. Slamming her fist against the metal wall, she pronounced, "Dammit, you don't deserve this."  
  
His head still resting against his arms, Billy muttered, "I'm not inclined to disagree with you on that point."  
  
"How's your storm cloud?"  
  
"Dark and cold, I think this would just be so much easier if I could be mad at someone other than myself."  
  
"How can you possibly be mad at yourself?"   
  
Sighing, Billy lifted his head and leaned back against the wall. "Because I'm so angry at everyone, and none of them deserve it, not really. I have all these feelings of rancour and resentment, but who do I direct them at? Jason because he helped the team? Tommy because he was a good leader? Tanya because I gave her a crystal she's earned five times over? Rocky and Adam simply because they were happy to have a new Ranger to help in the battle?"  
  
"Yes!" Kat practically shouted the word, and he looked at her in surprise. That was not the answer he'd been expecting.   
  
Calming down a little she continued. "Be mad at one of them or all of them. Heck be angry with me. Just don't focus everything you've got in your direction. Who cares how noble everyone else's reasons for their actions are? The point is you got the short end of the stick, and for at least a few days you have license to be angry with the entire world."  
  
The young engineer just stared at her. "I could never be angry with you, Captain."  
  
Covering her face with her hands, Kat shook her head. "Is that all you heard me say?"  
  
"No, I heard the rest, but I don't have any right."  
  
"You've got more right than me, and I'm mad at everyone. I'm mad at Tommy because he's so good at being a leader that sometimes he forgets to be a friend. I'm mad at Tanya and Adam because they're so caught up in their new relationship that they can't see anything besides each other."  
  
"They're dating?"  
  
"Hey, I'm tirading here, but yes they're dating."   
  
Her mock indignation at being interrupted caused Billy to smile just a little. He motioned for her to continue.  
  
"I'm irrationally angry at the rest of the team too. I'm mad at Rocky for wearing blue. I'm mad at Jason just because. I'm even mad at Trey!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
Suddenly finding the floor extremely fascinating, Kat whispered, "Because it was him under that helmet instead of you."  
  
Billy felt as though he had just slammed against a wall. "Kat . . . you didn't think I would have kept something like that from the team . . . from you. All you ever had to do was ask . . ."  
  
She gave him a weak smile, "Why do you think I didn't? I just wanted that for you so badly because I knew how much it would mean to you. So I managed to convince this small portion of myself that he really was you. Even came up with all these stupid reasons why you couldn't tell me."  
  
"Like what?" Billy prompted gently, wanting to hear more. At her admission something had gone through him loosening a few of the knots were holding his ire so close.   
  
Despite all the time they had spent together since the Gold Ranger had first shown, neither he nor Kat had ever brought the topic of the new Ranger into the conversation. For him it had been a obviously failed defense mechanism against raising his hopes, and he had always assumed that she had merely picked up on his reticence like she picked up on everything else.   
  
"Everything from Zordon forbidding you to say anything to you would lose the power if your identity was revealed to anyone. I think my favorite was partial amnesia."  
  
"I like that one." He said with a small laugh, "You should have teamed up with Rocky."  
  
"If I did you never would have forgiven me. I saw the way you tensed up when he started theorizing in front of the group."  
  
At her words, he had to fight off the sudden rush of bitterness that came to the back of his throat. "It just felt like some cruel joke. I know that he really thought he was right but---"  
  
Billy broke off before he said something that would make her think less of him, but Kat would have none of it. Coming around, so that he forced to look at her, she pushed, "But why did he have to verbalize your hope?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And why did he have to do it in front of the entire team?"  
  
He just nodded.  
  
"And why did we all have to so easily accept that you weren't the Gold Ranger? Like we thought it was just too ---"  
  
"Laughable." He supplied for her. "Like you all thought it was so laughable that I might be someone that powerful, and then of course everyone was proven right. I wonder who was relieved when I couldn't take the powers?"  
  
The words had tumbled out before he even had a chance to process what he was saying. None of that was true. How dare he even think that was true? "Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean . . ."  
  
Kat put a hand to his lips before he could apologize anymore. "It's okay. I was pushing because I wanted you to stop excusing everyone else's actions for just one second. Did I push too hard?"  
  
"After hearing what I just said how could you even ask that?"  
  
"Because I didn't think what you said was as horrible as you obviously do."  
  
He pulled away. "It was horrible. I have no right to feel this way."  
  
"You're not listening to me."  
  
"They're the team, Kat! I shouldn't be resentful of something that makes them stronger."  
  
"But we are." Looking up at her use of the word we, Billy found himself staring into Kat's familiar blue eyes. Yet at this moment they flashed with a strange mixture of compassion, anger, and confidence that he had never seen before. "We are resentful, and we're angry, and I'm trying to tell you that for at least tonight that's okay."  
  
"I guess." Billy muttered still not completely convinced.  
  
Groaning, Kat got up and offered him her hand. "You are way too good at suppressing everything. We need to stir things up. Come on."  
  
Taking her hand, Billy stood and followed her down the ladder without question. It was only once they were exiting the Zord bay, that he thought to ask, "Where are we going?"  
  
"To the training gym. I think you should hit something, and I'd like it to be me rather than Lynn."  
  
Billy stopped. "I don't think this is a good night for us to spar."  
  
"I think it's a great night. Everyone else on the team works out their anger and frustration this way. Why not us?" Kat tugged at his arm, forcing him to move with her.  
  
"I can think of several reasons."  
  
"And I think they all come down to you're just afraid I'll kick your ass for the third time in two weeks."  
  
"You're dreaming if you think you won that last time."  
  
"Prove it."  
  
----  
  
"Proof enough for you?" Billy laughed as he offered Kat a water bottle.  
  
From her position on the mat, the Pink Ranger sat up and swiped the bottle out his hand. "Shut up."  
  
Still grinning, but managing to remain obediently silent, he sat down beside her and took a long drink of his water, enjoying the cool drops of condensation that fell onto his skin. His body was covered with a thin sheen of perspiration. His muscles ached from exertion. He had quite a few bruises he was going to feel tomorrow, and he felt ten times better.  
  
Falling back against the mat, Kat groaned, "Can I just concede now?"  
  
"You could, but you won't." He knew this routine too well. Kat's best round always came directly after she started to talk about conceding. After the incident with Jacob, they had begun to spar together with some regularity. Billy because he found that he had missed being on the mats more than he thought, and Kat because as she put it 'I need to spar with someone who's not afraid to spar with me'.  
  
Apparently most of the guys had been going easy on her, afraid that if they went full out they'd hurt her or at the very least cause her to become frustrated. The first time Billy had made that mistake, she had told him in no uncertain terms that if he did it again he'd have to do every realignment for two weeks. Since he hated all the endless mind-numbing calibrations it was not a threat he was willing to test.  
  
"All right." Kat picked herself up off the mats. "One more round."  
  
Billy took the water bottles over to the side, and then moved opposite to her. Giving her the brief nod that they used to signal their readiness, he began to circle with her, trying to read what kind of mood she was in.   
  
Depending on her mood the Pink Ranger had one of two ways that she liked to handle a round. Either she could be as patient as he was, allowing the match to drag out as each worked for the best possible moment, or she shot out of the gate relying on her speed and agility to control the match and keep him from finding his perfect attack.  
  
Dodging a light test attack, he came to the conclusion that Kat's mood was definitely the former, which was fine with him. The ex-Ranger preferred these rounds because it made for more of a challenge.   
  
They really were very evenly matched, mostly because as in so many other things they were such compliments to each other. Where he had strength, Kat had speed. Where she had learned to focus on her attacks, he had been taught to perfect his defensive moves. And while he had years of experience, she had the edge of freshness.  
  
Tonight of course they also both had anger. It gave the round a whole extra level of intensity, causing them to push harder than they usually would have. Apparently sensing he was eager to take it up a notch, Kat obliged with a spin kick, and Billy just managed to avoid it by jerking back and using his body's momentum to launch him into a back handspring.  
  
Landing on his feet, he met Kat's astonished look and grinned. She quickly set her expression back into one of determination, and said, "You're teaching me that once I've dropped you."  
  
Somewhere along the line they had also become each other's teachers, picking up moves that the other used, requesting assistance when they didn't quite catch the mechanics. It made each match a little more difficult for both of them.  
  
Billy laughed, "Kim taught me. Only right it should be in the Pink Ranger's repertoire. Of course you have to drop me first."  
  
To give emphasis to his challenge, he launched a series of strikes that forced Kat to back up under the barrage. Unfortunately, he miscalculated one allowing his blonde opponent to block his blow and land one of her own. From that point on all talking ceased.  
  
The sparring continued, stretching on long past when it should have because neither was really looking for a win, but rather a way to prolong this moment where all of the pain, disappointment, and anger had faded into the background. And then it happened.  
  
Billy blocked one of Kat's punches and went to repay her for the earlier hit; only he suddenly no longer had control of his body.  
  
As though someone had flipped a switch, he was abruptly ravaged by harsh pain that tore through his muscles and threatened to split his skull. Letting out a scream of anguish, he collapsed into a shuddering heap.  
  
"Billy!"  
  
He wanted to answer her, but he was sinking fast into darkness. His mind shutting down in hopes of escaping the pain, and no words would come.  
  
"Oh God, Billy hold on."  
  
Black.  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Thanks for reading.  
  
I'm sorry for the cliff-hanger, but it needed to happen with this section. I promise not to make you wait too long for the next part.  
  
As always comments and criticism are appreciated. 


	7. Aftershocks II

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: Here we go the second section of Aftershocks. As I had said before this part has been divided because of its size. This section stems directly from the last one.  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Lilac Moon for her company and encouragement.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Kat was beginning to understand why whenever they went into battle Billy worked doubly hard that night. Standing here in the infirmary and not being able to help was killing her. God, she wanted to do something, anything . . . but there was nothing she could do now that he was stabilized, except wait for the prognosis with her heart in her throat.   
  
Her mind had started to make a detailed list of patch jobs and realignments that would keep her busy until her back was one complete knot and her fingers were bloody . . . that at least would be something helpful. Something she could fix because she couldn't fix this.   
  
**When you can't do anything . . . You start doing everything you can** Kat looked down sharply at Billy's inert form. The words in her head had sounded so like him, complete with all his inflections and understanding that for a moment she thought he had spoken. But no . . . no he was still unconscious. Had he said that once? It seemed like something he'd say, but maybe it was just an attitude she'd picked up on.  
  
If she bolted to the Zord bay now, would everyone think she had lost it? Biting the inside of her lip Kat glanced towards the infirmary doors, but shook her head. No, no matter how much she wanted to escape, she couldn't leave him alone.  
  
Gripping her friend's limp, unresponsive hand a little tighter, Kat tried to fight back the tears. **Doctor, if you don't wake up soon I'm going to go mad** Maybe she already was. The usually calm Pink Ranger wanted to scream, wanted to throw things . . . wanted someone to turn on the stereo, anything that would break the oppressive silence that hung over the infirmary.  
  
The normally talkative Rangers were being atypically quiet, standing around uncomfortably in their pajamas in a way that reminded her too much of a wake. **He's not dead! Stop acting like he's dead! He's just . . . he's sleeping . . . he's so tired and he's sleeping** It was such a stupid thought, but she clung to it, stubbornly ignoring how still he was, or how pale he looked.  
  
Normally she could handle silence. After all it was one of the things she and Billy enjoyed sharing the most, but this was different. This wasn't the comfortable intimate silence that they would lapse into and come out of when he would look over at her and say something so completely in tune with what she was thinking it was as if they'd been talking the entire time. This silence was awkward, imposed, and he wasn't sharing her thoughts because he wasn't thinking at all.  
  
That scared Kat the most --- staring down at her Doctor's completely still form, and realizing that his mind was still too. Billy might be able to stay in one spot for hours, but his mind never stopped. It always clicked along at a lightning fast pace, even when he was sleeping. She had stayed that night when he had broken down, just for a little while to watch him sleep. Even then he had looked as though he might shoot up at any moment to scribble down some brilliant thought.  
  
He didn't look that way now, and it made her feel like she had already lost him. **Stop it! Stop thinking that way!** He would be all right. He was stable, his breathing was steady . . . he would be all right.  
  
"Kat," Tanya came over and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You should sit down."  
  
"I'm fine." Kat murmured still not looking up. If she sat, Billy might not be able to see her when he woke.  
  
"Are you sure you don't want someone to takeover? You've been standing here for at least half-an-hour."  
  
"I said I'm fine." The words came out a little too harsh, causing everyone in the infirmary to look over.  
  
"Okay, if you want anything . . ."  
  
"Coffee."  
  
Tanya turned with a surprised expression on her face. Kat didn't usually drink the stuff at home, but at the moment she needed something that would make this night feel a little more normal.  
  
The Pink Ranger sighed, and lifted her eyes to give her friend a pleading look. **Don't make a big deal out of this Tan** "I'd like a cup of coffee. There's some in the break room."  
  
For a moment she thought her housemate might say something else, but instead Tanya simply shrugged, and moved to exit the infirmary.  
  
Just as the Yellow Ranger reached the doors, they began to slide open of their own accord, and Tommy stepped into the room. Kat had almost forgotten he had gone to discuss Billy's condition with Alpha and Zordon outside the infirmary, since neither being seemed to know the meaning of the word hushed.   
  
Instantly everyone was on alert, waiting to hear the prognosis. What couldn't have been more than a split second lengthened into a painful eternity, stretching the tension across the room like a wire pulled taught against skin.  
  
Tommy smiled broadly, "Zordon and Alpha say he'll be okay."   
  
The wire snapped, taking with it Kat's last remnants of control, and she burst into joyful sobs. "You'll be okay. You'll be okay."  
  
Moving over behind her, Tommy wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his forehead against the back of her head, offering his own brand of quiet comfort. Not lifting her gaze from Billy's inert form, she brought her hand to cover his in acknowledgement.  
  
"You'll be okay. You'll be okay." She probably sounded crazy, but it didn't matter. She couldn't stop saying the words, just kept repeating them over and over, because if she said it enough Billy might hear.  
  
Kat didn't know how long they stayed that way --- with Tommy holding her while she cried out all the fear and pain and relief, until her body could produce no more tears, and she was reduced to dry heaves.  
  
The other Rangers had kept their distance, not wanting to intrude on something they didn't understand, but as she calmed down Jason moved over from where he had been pacing a rut into the floor. "Do they know why he collapsed?"  
  
Not removing his arms from around her waist, Tommy nodded, "Yeah, it was some sort of delayed reaction from his body's rejection of the Gold Ranger powers."  
  
"What sparked it?"  
  
Kat felt her boyfriend tense at the question, and instinctively knew the answer. "Me."   
  
Suddenly every eye was on her.   
  
"The sparring was what sparked it, wasn't it?" Her voice sounded strange to her own ears, so deadly calm, but she just didn't have anything else left.  
  
"There was no way for you to know." Tommy replied and moved to gather her close, but Kat shook him off. She wasn't turning from her post for one second.  
  
Squeezing Billy's hand again, she whispered, "I'm so sorry."  
  
"He wouldn't want you to blame yourself." Jason interjected, "After all he obviously didn't even know, or he wouldn't have agreed."  
  
"I guess."  
  
Adam and Tanya came over from where they had been looking at the information Alpha had put up on the computer panel. Their hands were clasped tightly together, and Tanya held a mug of hot coffee.  
  
"Don't guess." She smiled reassuringly and handed the mug to a grateful Kat. "Tell them Adam."   
  
At his girlfriend's instruction, the Asian teen began to explain. "I was looking at what Alpha's put together so far. It looks like Billy would have been hit with the aftershock at some point no matter what. The sparring just sped the process up. At least this way he wasn't alone when it hit."  
  
At Adam's last words the team fell uncomfortably silent, each member turning their gaze to the unconscious form of their one-man support team, all except Kat whose eyes were still locked gratefully on the Green Ranger.   
  
She knew that Adam had always felt a small kinship with Billy as the other shy male on the team, but now she thought she could see a kind of muted respect that fell just short of hero worship. Of course, at the moment she wanted so desperately to believe that the team appreciated her Doctor the way they should, that she was liable to see anything.   
  
"I didn't know Billy still sparred." Rocky finally broke the silence, his voice betraying how badly he felt about his lack of knowledge.  
  
Tommy responded before she could. "Oh yeah, remember how I told you about the way he helped Kat with Jacob. He's still pretty good." He turned to give her a quizzical look, "I didn't know the two of you kept it up."  
  
Kat nodded, choosing her words carefully, "I challenged him to a rematch and it sort of went from there. We're closer to each other's level."  
  
It was the truth . . . in a manner of speaking.  
  
"I just haven't seen him at the Youth Center . . ." The Blue Ranger trailed off uncomfortably.  
  
"He doesn't like to work out in front of people." She supplied, trying to offer Rocky some measure of comfort.  
  
"That'd be Billy." Jason nodded wisely, and Kat had to bite back a few vicious retorts about not assuming he still knew the team's scientist. Apparently she was no longer too drained to feel anger. Taking a slow sip of her coffee, she tried to calm down because she knew what the next question would be.  
  
"But why were you guys working out at two in the morning?" Though Rocky asked it, she could feel the eyes of the entire team on her, waiting for the answer.  
  
Licking her lips nervously, Kat took another sip of her coffee, and tried to weigh Billy's need for privacy against the need for the team to recognize just what he was going through. "He had to work out some frustrations."  
  
Carefully and deliberately, she set down her mug and allowed her gaze to sweep the room, practically daring someone to be stupid enough to ask what frustrations. No one did however, and only Jason and Tommy even dared to meet her eyes.  
  
The new Gold Ranger's face was impassive, but in his eyes rested acknowledgement and something that she just couldn't put her finger on. The numerous stories she had heard about Jason Scott from both her best friend and her boyfriend had made her feel as though she knew him. Now that she had actually met the former leader, however, Kat determined that he was destined to remain a bit of an enigma.  
  
Tommy's expression on the other hand was like reading an open book. As it sunk in with him exactly what she meant by frustrations, his face betrayed him, contorting in shock and guilt.  
  
**No, you're not the only one to suffer silently** Kat met his gaze with a mixture of sympathy and reproach. Why her boyfriend, the master at trying not to admit his feelings, always took at face value his friends statements about their own emotions was completely beyond her.  
  
By now Tommy had managed to regain control of his expression, but his eyes were still stormy. Swirling there she saw the guilt of a leader who thought he had abandoned one of his men and a complete loss as to what to do next. **Start with being guilty as a friend**  
  
However it was Adam who threw him a lifeline, "Billy will probably have to stay here for at least twenty-four hours after he wakes up. He shouldn't be alone."  
  
"You're right." Tommy nodded, and Kat watched as he slid comfortably back into his role as the team leader, all other things forgotten for the moment. "We'll take shifts. Four hours per person that way everyone can still make any commitments they already have."  
  
"I'll take the first one."  
  
The Red Ranger shook his head, "You should get some sleep, Kat."  
  
"I'll sleep when I'm dead," She retorted, unconsciously falling back on her friend's favorite phrase. At that moment this conversation reminded her a little too much of her arguments with Billy although she was used to the other side. At least she knew the dance. "I was here when he collapsed. I won't leave him. Besides, I'm the only one of you who has off first-period."  
  
He wanted to protest more. She could see it in his eyes --- in the growing confusion as to how she had become Billy's defender and just what that meant. **Don't ask me that Tommy. Not tonight. Because tonight I don't know what I'll say**  
  
"I'll take the second shift." Jason volunteered stopping any further discussion. Kat looked over to him, and the Gold Ranger hesitated, "That is if you don't think he'll mind. It's just, since my schedule is the most flexible because I'm still on the delegate education program, I thought. . ."  
  
As it sunk in with her that Jason was trying to justify himself for intruding in a place where he felt he had no right yet still wanted to be, Kat stopped his rambling, "I don't know how Billy will feel, but it can't hurt to try."  
  
Following their new member's lead, the others began to volunteer for shifts, each deferring to Kat for the final say on when the ex-Ranger would be willing to see them.  
  
"I guess that means I have the last one." Tommy murmured uncomfortably.  
  
Laying a reassuring hand on his arm, Kat kissed him softly trying to communicate her promise that they would discuss things later. "Just talk to him."  
  
"About what?" He looked at her pleadingly, searching for some guidance as to how make things right.  
  
"Anything." **Anything other than weapons modifications and battle tactics. Just talk to him like a person** Pulling away before she said something she'd regret, Kat turned back to the infirmary table and resumed her watch.  
  
**It's getting intense Billy. Feel like lightening the mood?** As though he had heard her, the ex-Ranger's hand moved just the tiniest fraction.  
  
Adam saw it too. "I think he's starting to come around guys!"  
  
The Green Ranger's words were reemphasized by a soft moan from the young engineer, and like a unit everyone moved to crowd around him.  
  
Billy's eyes flickered halfway open, and he groaned, "Captain?"  
  
"He's never called you that before Tommy. He must be really disoriented." Rocky joked.  
  
Kat for her part just moved closer to the table, so she was certain her best friend could see her, and squeezed his hand. Apparently feeling the contact, the teen-genius shifted his gaze, so that as his eyes finally opened they met with hers.  
  
"You scared us." She whispered.  
  
"Us?" He blinked in confusion, and she flicked her gaze around the table trying to make him conscious that everyone was there.  
  
"Welcome back, bro." Tommy clapped a hand on Billy's shoulder, and Kat winced in sympathy. He had fallen hard on that shoulder when he collapsed.  
  
For his part however the young engineer looked like he was still trying to process just what was happening, and Kat had to stifle the insane urge to tease him a little. **Are you always this disoriented when you wake up?**  
  
"Where . . . ?"  
  
"You're in the infirmary." She explained, wanting to keep him from too much confusion. "You collapsed while we were sparring."  
  
"Wha . . .?"  
  
"Delayed reaction from ---"  
  
"Rejecting the powers." Billy completed for her, a small light going on. She just squeezed his hand harder. "How long?"  
  
"About three hours, just long enough to scare all of us half to death."  
  
He actually looked remorseful at that. "I'm sorry . . ."  
  
Rocky stopped him. "Hey, no man. We're just glad you're okay."  
  
"I'm fine." As though to prove the truth of this, Billy struggled to sit, but had to give up under the strain. Lying back against the pillow he sighed, "I may still need a little rest."  
  
Adam laughed, "Try a full twenty-four hours of it. We're keeping you hear until we know everything's okay."  
  
Kat didn't think she'd ever seen Billy find a concept quite so unappealing. "You won't be alone. We're going to keep you company."  
  
"But school . . ."  
  
"Got it covered" Tommy reassured him, "We're taking shifts."  
  
"I have the first one." Her Doctor's expression softened a little at that, although she could tell that he wasn't looking forward to the rest of the day.  
  
"Okay." He acquiesced, letting his eyes flicker closed. It was obvious, that he didn't have a whole lot of energy to his name right now.  
  
Looking up, she caught Tommy's eye and mouthed 'Leave'. He gave her a brief nod to show he caught her meaning and moved away from the table, touching Jason on the shoulder as he went.  
  
One by one the Rangers filed out until they were alone.  
  
"They're gone."  
  
Billy sighed and squeezed her hand, "Thank you."  
  
"For what it's worth, I think they feel pretty bad about everything that happened." For moment he was so still, she thought he had drifted back into unconsciousness, "Doctor?"  
  
"Would it make me a horrible person if I said 'Good'?"  
  
Kat shook her head, "No."  
  
His hand began to fumble at the side of the bed, but she reached over to stop him. "Which button?"  
  
"Small green one. Just hold it down."  
  
Doing as he instructed, Kat watched as the upper half of the bed-table slowly began to rise. Stopping midway to help Billy shift into a better position, she chastised, "You should be resting."  
  
"I can sleep while the others are here."  
  
Sighing a little, she pressed the button again, until he motioned for her to stop. "Comfortable?"  
  
"As comfortable as I can be." He moved to push himself up and winced, "Besides this way I can see you when you sit."  
  
"I could have just stood."  
  
"Have you sat down since I collapsed?" Kat just smiled guiltily. "I thought not. You need to sit."  
  
Deciding that arguing with him would just be futile, she went and dragged one of the hard metal chairs over beside the bed. Plopping down in it, she folded her arms on the edge of the bed table, and resting her chin on them to emphasize just how short she was now, looked up at him with mock annoyance. "Happy now?"  
  
"Extremely."  
  
At the resumption of their playful banter, Kat felt a missing piece of herself click back into place. God, what would she have done without him?  
  
"Hey, It's okay." Billy reached down to touch her arm, "I'm okay."  
  
Not trusting herself to speak, she just smiled and brought her hand to cover his, so that he wouldn't break the contact. She needed his touch at the moment, needed the quiet peace that it gave her soul to feel him awake and alive. Tilting her head to rest against her arms, she closed her eyes and sighed in contentment.  
  
Kat could have stayed that way forever, welcoming *their* silence like an old friend. Allowing it to reassure her more than words ever could.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Opening her eyes, she found Billy staring down at her as though he were pondering some great work of art. "For what?"  
  
"You were crying. I'm sorry for making you cry." Lifting her head a little, Kat felt the slight moisture against her cheeks.  
  
"I hadn't even realized it." She murmured, lifting a hand to swipe them away. "I must look awful."  
  
Tilting his head thoughtfully, Billy pretended to consider this for a moment, and then pronounced, "Yeah, you look pretty bad."  
  
Kat snorted, "Well you don't look much better."  
  
"I don't have to show my face at school in . . ." He glanced over at the clock, "three hours. Did you give yourself time to change?"  
  
"No, I was planning on just transporting over. I guess that's not a good idea, huh?"  
  
"Who has the next shift?"  
  
"Jason." He tensed almost imperceptibly at the name, but Kat saw it. "I could stay. I'm sure I can come up with some excuse for not being in school."  
  
"No, you need to go. You've got that biology test next week remember?"  
  
"I was trying to forget. What made me stay in AP Biology . . . oh wait that was you."  
  
Billy shrugged unrepentantly, "You can handle it, and I told you I'd help. Give Jason a call and see if he can come half-an-hour early."  
  
She reached to fiddle with her communicator and then stopped, "Are you okay with this? He's going to want to talk to you."  
  
"I'm sure I can stay awake for a little while to reminisce."  
  
"No, he's going to want to talk to you about what happened yesterday. They all will."  
  
"Well there's a change." He looked at her sharply, "Kat, what did you say?"  
  
"Enough. They asked why we were sparring at two in the morning, and I told them you were frustrated."  
  
Leaning back against the bed table, he sighed, "Oh joy."  
  
"They needed to know."  
  
"I didn't want to make a big deal out this, Kat."  
  
"Even if it is a big deal?"  
  
He ran a hand over his face and then caught her eyes, "You have to promise me that you won't bring this up with them again. Just let it rest here."  
  
"Billy . . ."  
  
Holding up a hand to stop her protest, he replied, "It's bad for the team, Kat."  
  
And that was what it came down to. That was what it always came down to with him, no matter what that meant personally. Was it good or bad for the team? And once he'd made his decision it was end of the line, discussion over, even if he was wrong. **Damn you, Doctor for being so stubborn**  
  
Reading her reluctance, he tugged on her hand, so that she looked up again, "You told me once that all I ever had to do was ask. I'm asking, Captain."  
  
Kat mentally cursed. He had her. There was such perfect trust in his eyes that she wouldn't go back on her word. She couldn't deny him no matter how much she wanted to. "Fine, I promise . . . but don't you *dare* try to pull away from us again. It's bad for the team."  
  
Billy just stared at her, awestruck at having his own mantra turned on him.  
  
Smiling to show that she wasn't really as angry as she had sounded, she whispered, "It's bad for you, too."  
  
"Okay," He nodded his ascent, and from the blank expression on his face she could tell that pulling away had been at the top of his list of coping mechanisms.  
  
Kat instantly regretted pushing so hard, even if she did mean it. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm sure. Call Jason." Billy looked as though he wanted to say more, but his voice was becoming weak under the strain. She had kept him awake too long.  
  
"You need to rest."  
  
"Yeah." He responded, the mere fact that he wasn't protesting betraying just how tired he was.  
  
Lowering the bed back down for him, Kat moved away to the other side of the infirmary, and hit her communicator.  
  
"Zordon?" The Gold Ranger's sleepy voice came through.  
  
"No Jason, it's Kat."  
  
"Kat . . ." Suddenly he sounded wide awake, "Oh my god, Billy, is he--?"  
  
"He's fine." She reassured him, "He was awake for a little while and now he's resting. But I just realized that I didn't leave myself any time to change for school, could you come up at eight-thirty rather than nine?"  
  
"Sure, yeah, I'll be there."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Does he need anything?"  
  
"Sleep mostly. He's really tired, so don't expect him to talk too much."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Shutting off her communicator, she moved back over to the bed.  
  
"I heard that." Billy muttered, his eyes still closed.  
  
"You didn't say I couldn't try to offer you avenues of escape."  
  
"I thought I wasn't supposed to pull away."  
  
"Well that doesn't mean you have to face everyone today. You're supposed to be sleeping."  
  
His eyes flickered back open, "Captain?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Who won?"  
  
She laughed, "You collapsed before I could beat you, so neither of us."  
  
"Oh," He managed a small grin, "Do you want to concede?"  
  
"Of course not. As soon as you're better, we're having a rematch. I'll drop you and then you can teach me Kim's move. Now get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"To drop you? Sure."  
  
"Never mind."  
  
She squeezed his hand, "I promise. Even if I have to wake you up before I leave."  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Thank you all for reading. There will actually be third section to Aftershocks because I wanted to spend some time on a few of the other Ranger's shifts with Billy, but it's taking a little bit to get into their heads, and I didn't want to cliffhanger you guys for too long.  
  
Also, I do know that this story just seems to be growing without stopping, but the details and character relationships are very important for the sequel I'm planning. So please forgive the perpetual anticipation. 


	8. Aftershocks III

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: Here we go the third section of Aftershocks. As I had said before this part has been divided because of its size. This section stems directly from the last one.  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Midnight Obsidian for his support, company and suggestions.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Billy stared blankly down at the project notes Kat had brought him just before teleporting off to school. Thinking back to her last words just before leaving, he shook his head in mild amusement. Leave it to her to bring him his notes, and then have the audacity to tell him not to work too hard. It was like telling a child they could only have one piece of candy on Halloween, and damn her if she didn't know that. Briefly it occurred to him that he should probably talk to her about the fact that she felt free to blithely teleport in and out of his apartment, but he couldn't decide whether he really cared.   
  
Realizing that his thoughts had wandered away from the work in front of him, he struggled in vain to refocus. He wasn't getting anywhere. Calculations that should have been easy felt arduous and all the theory was locked up in some portion of his mind that he couldn't quite access yet. In the end, the only thing he was really accomplishing was staving off the sleep his body so desperately wanted, but at the moment that was enough.  
  
It was ironic really. Next to Tommy, Jason had been at the bottom of his list of people that he wanted to talk to, but the moment the new Gold Ranger had walked through the door the last thing Billy wanted was to escape into sleep. He just couldn't shake the feeling that this was their now or never moment, and that if they didn't take the chance today it would all slip away from them.  
  
Of course, that didn't mean he had the slightest clue how to begin or what he wanted to say. So at the moment he was settling for doing his damndest to stay awake, in hopes that eventually Jason would go first.   
  
Not that his old friend looked likely to do that any time soon. Billy surreptitiously let his gaze follow the Gold Ranger on what must have been his tenth circuit around the infirmary. Ostensibly, he was familiarizing himself with the layout and whereabouts of supplies, but it didn't take Billy long to recognize the pattern in his friend's movements --- computer console, supply cabinets, diagnostic equipment, triage kits, and back. Jason was pacing.  
  
Strangely that gave the ex-Ranger a sense of comfort. Neither he nor Jason had ever been very good around sick people or any place that even remotely resembled a hospital --- unpleasant memories and too many people they couldn't help. It felt good to know that at least one thing hadn't changed. It was enough to give him hope that they could break down the barriers. Assuming of course that the endless opening and closing of cabinets didn't drive him insane first.  
  
"Jase!" Billy cringed as the name came out far harsher than he intended, and his friend tensed.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"No, it's just . . ." He sighed and dropped his pencil. Running a hand through his hair, he tried to find the right words, the right opening. He didn't want this --- didn't want his old friend to be walking on eggshells around him, didn't want to look at the guy who had been like his brother and feel resentment, didn't want to be in the same room with him and feel so far away. More than anything he wanted to put the past forty-eight hours far behind him, and figure out a way to forge ahead. The only problem was he couldn't figure out how to move beyond this moment.  
  
"Billy --" "Jase --"  
  
They stopped awkwardly, each finding something more interesting in the room than the man across from him.  
  
"I'll go first." Jason offered after a moment, and the teen-genius was briefly reminded of the way he and Kimberly would always volunteer just to show their shy young friend that there was nothing to be afraid of.  
  
**Why break with tradition?** Nodding his acceptance, Billy added, "But could you sit down? What did Zack do to you over in Geneva? I'm getting tired just watching you."  
  
The memory of their perpetual-motion friend broke the ice a little, and the two managed to share their first companionable grin, since the former Red Ranger's return.   
  
Trying to keep the moment alive, Jason sat and said, "He's actually mellowed you know. He and Trini really got caught up in the Peace Conference. Both of them are heading councils for this year. Trini's working on conservation, which is no surprise, but get this, Zack has third-world health."  
  
Billy let out a low whistle, "There's one I didn't see coming."  
  
"Tell me about it. We took this two-week tour of Western Africa, visiting the hospitals, seeing how the people there lived. It affected everyone, but it really hit Zack hard. I think it was the kids. When he got back, the man was unstoppable. I don't know which one I think is more likely to be nominated for chair next year, he or Trini."  
  
"I always knew that once all of that famous unending energy had a focus, he'd do amazing things. But he still dances, right?" Somehow the world just wouldn't be the same if Zack didn't dance.  
  
Jason laughed, "Up and down the halls . . . if Zack wins a resolution the entire floor knows it. One time he and Trini pushed through this joint proposal, and he waltzed her through the corridor. Craziest thing you ever saw."  
  
Billy laughed at the mental image of a completely poised Trini waltzing with an ebullient Zack. She had probably just smiled and gone along as though it were the most natural thing in the world.   
  
Still as he listened to his friend's story, a realization crept in. There was just something about the way the Jason spoke about his friend's exploits that the young engineer identified with --- as though the former Red Ranger was somehow removed from it all. Quietly he asked, "And you?"  
  
Jason sat back, and for a moment Billy thought he would pretend not to understand the question. Finally he answered, "I think the best thing I got out of the Peace Conference was the knowledge that that is not what I want to do with my life. Don't get me wrong, it was a great experience, but it wasn't for me."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
His friend sighed, "I don't know. They're doing great work, but . . . it's just so removed. I couldn't get into it the way Trini and Zack did. Teaching the kids at the Youth Center and watching them improve that got me more excited than anything I did over in Geneva. Over there, you're working on something that might not change anything for another thirty years. At least battling Rita and Zedd, we always knew that at the end of the day what we did changed something for the better. I missed that."  
  
"And now you have it again."  
  
As soon as he said the words Billy wished he hadn't. They had come unbidden, a half-formed thought. He wanted to claw the air and pull them back, but he couldn't. Couldn't do anything other than curse himself for ruining what had been a good moment.   
  
In the silence that followed, the words hung in the air between the two friends like an executioner's blade --- this impossible truth that both had wanted something so desperately and only one could have it.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Jason met Billy's eyes and responded, "I'm happy to be back, but I'm sorry it had to be this way."  
  
At that moment, the teen genius was reminded exactly why Jason had been the original leader and his best friend. There was such complete honesty in the teen's gaze --- this unique openness that conveyed strength and surety, but at the same time compassion. He had grown older, more mature somehow, perhaps they all had. The change only added to the absolute sincerity of the remark.  
  
Billy felt the bitterness that he had held so close rush out of him, leaving him slightly disoriented. Once again he spoke without thinking. "I'm not"  
  
He cringed. Next to Jason's complete and utter sincerity, the remark sounded flippant and empty. It wasn't, at least not the way he meant it, but he could see from the way Jason tensed just slightly that it had come across that way. God, he was making a hash of this. Fumbling forward, desperate not to leave this at some meaningless exchange of words that did nothing, he tried to salvage things.  
  
"That didn't come out quite right. I'm sorry Jase. Please let me explain."  
  
The Gold Ranger relaxed just a little, but otherwise said nothing.   
  
Still, it was enough. Billy forged ahead letting his heart speak for him since his mind seemed to be out of commission. "I don't think that I'm in full possession of my faculties, so bear with me. What I meant was I'm not sorry it was you. Yes, I wish that I could have taken the powers. Half an hour ago I would have said that you had no idea how much I wish that, but I'm starting to think that you might. Still, that's irrelevant. The point is of all the people that it could have been I can't think of anyone else I would rather have them."  
  
The speech was draining, and Billy had to fight the urge to stop there. In opening his heart he had made a very important discovery --- a hidden hurt that had been covered under the pain of rejecting the Gold Ranger powers. A smaller wound but one that cut far deeper, and unless he aired it now it would only fester. Taking a deep breath, he gathered up what little energy he had left and continued.  
  
"In fact I would have gone with Tommy to fetch you . . . if I had known you were back." He paused letting the full import of his words sink in and then continued, "I think that's what hurt more than anything --- having to be surprised that the guy who has been my best friend for half my life wasn't just in town, but back permanently and had been for weeks. It was just too much for one day."  
  
Sinking back against the reclining bed table, Billy sighed. There he had said it, all of it. **You should be proud of me, Kat** It had taken just about everything in him, and he would probably sleep for the rest of the day, but it had been worth it. Or at least he hoped it would be.  
  
At his obvious exhaustion, Jason asked, "Is there anything you want?"  
  
Hearing the concern in his friend's voice, and recognizing a stall tactic when he heard one, Billy responded as lightly as possible, "I want one of Ernie's smoothies and a hamburger, but I know you won't let me have any, so I'll settle for a glass of water, please."  
  
Closing his eyes, the ex-Ranger listened to the sounds of his old friend moving about the infirmary, until he realized what Jason was looking for, "Glasses are in the break room."  
  
The Gold Ranger turned, "When did we get a break room, and where is it?"  
  
"I asked Zordon to convert one of the storage rooms. I spend too much time here not to have a place to keep food. Down the hall and on your right."  
  
With a painfully familiar swish the doors slid open, telling him Jason had left. Billy was beginning to wonder whether saying what he said had been monumentally stupid.  
  
After a few moments, Jason returned with a glass of ice water. "Here."  
  
"Thanks." Sitting back up, he took the proffered glass and began to sip slowly.   
  
"I don't know what to say."  
  
And they were back to the topic at hand. Lowering his glass, the ex-Ranger looked over at his friend, who really did appear as though he had no idea how to proceed. Jason was always so sure and so strong. Seeing a crack in his armor, no matter how small, was a little disturbing.   
  
Billy wasn't sure he knew how to be the confidant one, but for his friend he would try. "Just tell me why, Jase. I just want to understand why."  
  
The Gold Ranger leaned forward in his chair, and stared down at the ground. "I don't know if I can make you understand. I'm not sure I understand."  
  
"It would mean a lot to me if you would try."  
  
"Okay," Jason nodded and laced his fingers behind his head, keeping his gaze on the floor. "You have to believe that I meant to contact you guys as soon as I got home. I thought about emailing all of you before I left, but everything was so hectic with the goodbye parties and getting all of my course work lined up here . . . I guess it just slipped away from me."  
  
"And once you got back?"  
  
He was silent for what seemed like hours, but couldn't have been more than a few moments. Finally he continued, "Second day back, I was watching the news and there you all were fighting the Mondo's latest attack."  
  
"Not all of us."  
  
Jason's head snapped up, and his eyes flashed. "Yes all of you. I've seen those Zords, Billy. I know your touch when I see it, and if I know you, you take every hit to every Zord personally. There's as much of your blood, sweat and tears in every battle as anyone else's."  
  
He didn't have a response to that.  
  
The Gold Ranger ran a hand over his face and leaned back in his chair. "But seeing *all* of you out there, I just felt so useless. In Geneva I had something I was a part of plus Trini and Zack so it wasn't so bad, but now I was back and . . . I don't know . . . it just all seemed different. I guess I'm not making much sense am I?"  
  
"Actually you're making quite a bit of it." Billy fought the insane urge to laugh. It was just too ridiculous. Here was Jason --- strong, confidant, warrior Jason --- saying all these things that were such a perfect mirror of his own feelings. When did they both get to be such idiots?  
  
Suddenly something occurred to him, and all the laughter faded, "But Tommy? Why did you contact Tommy?"  
  
Jason shook his head, "Didn't. I ran into him at the dojo when I was signing up to teach again. I wasn't really planning on hiding out forever, Angel Grove's too small for that."  
  
"And me?" Billy tried to keep his voice neutral.  
  
"Frankly after talking to Tommy, I was even less certain what to say. He said you'd changed a lot, and he didn't really sound that comfortable with it. I didn't know what to think."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Jason shrugged, "Your emails sort of dropped off in the middle of the fall. I thought maybe you were traveling in different circles."  
  
For a moment Billy just stared at his friend, trying to remember what exactly had happened, and then it came to him . . . Aquitar --- Aquitar, followed by Kim's letter, followed by his period of methodically shutting himself off from everyone, but Kat. Damn. Closing his eyes, Billy sighed and made a mental note to write one massive apology email to Zack and Trini as soon as he was better. "I have built myself a completely glass house regarding communication, haven't I?"  
  
"We could have written you, too. We've all been busy."  
  
It would have been so easy to leave it there, but his friend deserved to know the truth, to know that he wasn't alone in his mistakes. "It wasn't about being busy for me. I was pulling away, trying to make the being without powers easier. Of course it didn't work, but I guess you all got caught in the effort."  
  
"You're not going to do that again are you?"  
  
He shook his head, "Don't worry. Kat sees the slightest indication that I'm doing that, and I'm sure I'll be in for an earful." **Not to mention I won't be able to find my tools for a week**  
  
Jason chuckled, "She's something. Tommy is a lucky guy."  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"I don't think she likes me much though."  
  
"Kat likes everyone, well perhaps with the exception of Jacob." Billy reassured him.   
  
"You didn't see the looks she gave me this morning."  
  
"The ones where you swear you can hear the cursing?" At Jason's nod, he laughed, "I've gotten them before. She was just angry on my behalf. Give her a day or two, and you'll wonder how you ever got such a close friend."  
  
"She's really protective of you."  
  
"She's protective of all her teammates. I just happened to be the unconscious one."  
  
"Yeah, she reminded me a little of Trini that way."  
  
Billy stilled and his voice dropped several degrees, "Don't *ever* say that in front of her."  
  
Jason looked stunned, "Why not?"  
  
"Kat has enough replacement issues that she's worked hard to get through. I won't let you dredge up another set."  
  
"Replacement issues . . ." The light came on in Jason's head, "Oh from Kim."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You don't think Tommy's . . . ?" The Gold Ranger shook his head, finding the idea too inconceivable, "That's just not like him."  
  
"No, I know Tommy isn't replacing Kim. It's not his way. I know it. You know it. I just like to make sure Kat doesn't doubt it."  
  
"You're pretty protective of her too."  
  
After an almost imperceptible pause, Billy replied, "I'm protective of all my teammates"  
  
For a second, Jason looked as though he wanted to say something more, but then thought better of it.  
  
"Tell you what bro, as soon as you're better, let me take you out for that burger and smoothie. My treat. I can fill you in on all the crazy things we did over in Geneva."  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
*****  
  
Tommy sat back in his chair and looked up at the clock, not sure whether he wanted it to move faster or slower. Normally he enjoyed his history class, especially since Coach Jay was a bit of a war buff and really got into the nitty-gritty details of the causes and importance of each battle, rather than just asking for dates and names. Today however he just let the lecture wash over him as his thoughts traveled along the same path they'd been going down all day.  
  
So much had happened in the past forty-eight hours that it was hard to sort it all out. He had been on an emotional roller coaster --- painful sympathy for Billy, then excitement at finding a way to bring Jason back into the fold, followed by terror at Kat's frantic call, then elation at knowing their friend would be all right. Up and down and up and down.  
  
In a way Tommy felt as though he were still on it. He had spent the entire day flipping back and forth between two very contradictory sets of emotions. One moment he berated himself at not seeing how deeply his friend had been affected by his body's rejection of the powers, and the next . . . the next moment the memory of the way Kat had been so focused and protective of Billy would spring to mind replacing all his guilt with surprise, confusion, and the tiniest feeling of betrayal. Then that would make him think how Billy must have felt when he brought Jason back to the Power Chamber unannounced and the mental reprimands would start anew. Round and round and round he went.  
  
Glancing over at Kat's hunched form, he noted that she didn't seem to be doing any better than he was, although she at least hadn't given up the appearance of taking notes. Apparently feeling his gaze, his girlfriend glanced up and gave him a small smile that didn't really reach her eyes. Tommy tried to return it with about the same success.  
  
They had been like this all day. Talking, smiling, holding hands, and basically going through the motions of everything being okay, until they could finally get the time to talk about why everything wasn't okay. **I just wish I knew exactly why that was**  
  
Glancing back up at the clock, he realized that almost the entire period had passed without his noticing it. Watching the final minutes of the school day tick by, the Red Ranger started to fervently wish that Mondo would decide to attack.  
  
*RING*  
  
Luck just wasn't on his side today. Getting up from his chair, he began to pack up his things with excruciating slowness. A process made more difficult by the fact that he hadn't even bothered to get out his book for this class.  
  
Kat was doing much the same thing, although she had actual things to put away. Finally Tommy was reduced to standing awkwardly at his desk in the empty classroom, waiting for her to look up.  
  
"Kat, we need to talk."  
  
Looking up, the Pink Ranger met his eyes and nodded slowly, "Yeah, we do."  
  
"Not here."  
  
"Your house?"  
  
Tommy shook his head. "I have a class at four. Not enough time to go home and come back."  
  
"The Juice Bar then."  
  
"Yeah, okay. Give me ten minutes and I'll meet you there?" He wasn't really sure what he was going to do during that time, but the Red Ranger didn't think he could take walking over there with her in perfect silence.  
  
"Sure." With that Kat finished gathering up her things, gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and walked out the door.  
  
Tommy resumed trying to make his communicator go off by sheer force of will.  
  
----  
  
By the time he arrived, Kat was already sitting down with two strawberry-banana smoothies --- their favorite. Tommy was grateful to see that she had chosen one of the more secluded tables over in the corner, rather than their usual one dead center. He didn't feel like sharing his private life with the rest of the Youth Center's patrons.  
  
"Hey." He greeted her as he pulled out the chair across from her.  
  
Kat managed a slightly less forced smile and pushed one of the smoothies over to him. "Hey."  
  
"How was your day?" It was as good a question as any, since he didn't know the ones he wanted to ask.  
  
"Long," She groaned, pressing the tips of her fingers against closed eyes. "I'm really glad it's Friday. I just might sleep all weekend."  
  
Tommy swallowed hard at that. They were supposed to go dancing tomorrow night. She had been looking forward to it all week, and although most of him knew that she hadn't actually meant her comment, it still hurt. Crossing his arms, he leaned back in his chair, and grumbled, "You shouldn't have taken the first shift."  
  
Kat sighed, "Please don't start, Tommy."  
  
Well, this was off to a beautiful start. Feeling guilty at begrudging Billy some company after his collapse, he relented. "How is he?"  
  
Kat put her hand over his and smiled, recognizing the question as the apology it was. "He's good. Really tired and still pretty weak, but he's good. By the time you visit him tonight, he'll probably be begging to get out of the infirmary. Don't you dare let him though."  
  
"It's not your fault he collapsed, Kat."  
  
"I know."  
  
Her words were expected, but it was her eyes that brought Tommy up short. He had expected them to hold some sort of misguided guilt beneath false bravado, expected her eyes to look the same way they did whenever he offered reassurance that her actions under Rita's spell were not her own. They didn't look that way at all. There was pain and lots of false bravado, but no guilt. He sighed. This conversation would have been so much simpler if there was guilt.   
  
"Then why --- ?" He broke off uncomfortably, not quite certain how to ask what he wanted to.  
  
Kat's eyes narrowed just a fraction. "Why what?"  
  
"Why --" Tommy broke off again, still unable to find the right words.  
  
"Tommy . . ."  
  
"Why are you taking his collapse so personally?" He wanted to sink into a hole. He still hadn't figured out what the right words were, but he knew the wrong ones. Those were definitely the wrong ones.  
  
As though to reinforce how poorly phrased his question had been, she withdrew her hand. "He's my friend. That makes it personal."   
  
"He's my friend too, Kat."  
  
For some reason this just caused her to draw her lips into a thin line.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You have a really funny way of showing it."  
  
Tommy tensed under the attack. He hadn't come here looking for a fight. All he wanted was to get a better understanding of everything that had happened this morning. He didn't deserve this, especially not from his girlfriend. "Just what is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You threw a party, Tommy. You threw a party celebrating the fact that his body rejected the Gold Ranger Powers." That wasn't fair, and she knew it.  
  
"I threw a party welcoming Jason back, and Billy *said* he was okay with it. If he wasn't he should have said something." His last comment caused a momentary flash of pain across her face, and then she set her features into a cool mask. He had hit a sore spot, and he was about to pay.  
  
"You should have *known*. Of all people, you should have known that he wasn't okay with it. You told me how much it hurt when you lost your powers. How you had to be alone and you almost couldn't bear to be around the team for weeks. You left, and then you got your powers back. He stayed, and you flaunted it in his face."  
  
Kat's voice was harsh with anger, and she looked to be on the verge of tears. All he wanted to do was gather her in his arms and stop them from coming. But he couldn't because he was the source, and that just made everything hurt more. Quietly he tried to offer some form of an apology along with a defense of his actions. "You know it wasn't meant that way, Kat. If he had wanted to leave for awhile, everyone would have understood."  
  
For a moment she just stared at him, then shook her head sadly, and whispered. "You really don't know him at all, do you?"  
  
The sorrow in her voice gave new sharpness to her words, cutting him deeper than anything else she had said. Then just to rub a little salt into the wound there lay the implication that she knew the team's scientist far better than he did. "And I suppose you do?"  
  
"I know him well enough to know that he would *never* abandon the team that way."  
  
Tommy's entire body went still. His throat constricted. He couldn't breathe. How dare she?! No matter how wrong he was regarding Billy, she had absolutely no right to imply . . . "Is that what you think I did?"  
  
Kat's eyes went wide as it sunk in with her the line that she had just crossed. "Tommy . . . that wasn't . . . I didn't mean it like that . . ."  
  
He wanted to leave. Wanted to get up from this table, and walk away, but his body remained disobediently rooted in one spot. "So just what *did* you mean?"  
  
She dropped her head in her hands. "I just meant that Billy deals with things differently."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry I'm not him."  
  
"I didn't mean it as a judgment call. I don't know what you went through because I wasn't there. I'm sorry, Tommy." Kat reached out to touch his hand, but he pulled away. She sighed. "All I know is what Billy is going through right now, and it's bad. I wouldn't blame him for wanting to leave for a while, just the same way I don't blame you for needing time alone. But that's not what he'll do. He'll just keep right on going as though everything were fine."  
  
"You really think that's what he'll try to do?" He was still angry, but her words registered with the portion of him that was always the leader. It wasn't good for Billy to internalize things that way. It could all blow up in their faces later.  
  
"I don't think. I know."  
  
"How come you're so certain?"  
  
"I talk to him."  
  
It was said softly as a simple statement of fact, but combined with all his earlier guilt, the words landed against him like sharp slap across the face. "And I don't."  
  
He had his answer in her silence.  
  
"Okay." Tommy nodded curtly and stood. He needed time --- time to digest everything she had said; time to let go of some of the hurt her unthinking comment had caused him; time to decide exactly what he was going to do when one a.m. rolled around.  
  
"Tommy . . ."  
  
"I said okay, Kat." He didn't look at her, couldn't look at her. Part of him just wanted so badly to reach across the table and hold her close, to let her heal the wound she had caused, and if he looked at her he would do just that. But he couldn't let her think that she was already forgiven, he cared too much to offer her that false comfort.   
  
Still he could offer reassurance. "I just need a little time. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Pushing his chair under the table, he walked over to where his students had already started to warm up, silently thanking God today was an advanced class.  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Thank you all for reading. And again Aftershocks has expanded. It looks like it's going to be a quartet.  
  
This is my first time working with Tommy or Jason in any great detail, so I'm a little nervous, but please let me know what you think.  
  
Panache (who's actually nervous as all get out but is putting on a brave face) 


	9. Aftershocks IV

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: Here we go the fourth section of Aftershocks. As I had said before this part has been divided because of its size. This section stems directly from the last one.  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Midnight Obsidian for his support, company and suggestions. Also thanks to everyone for their kind feedback, I know I haven't been the best about responding, but I swear I am trying to get better.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
"Checkmate." Adam crowed triumphantly.  
  
Frowning slightly, Billy absently tipped his king in acknowledgement. "You've improved."  
  
"A little." The Green Ranger admitted with a self-effacing shrug. "I still play with my dad, but I came expecting to be killed. You're usually better than this."  
  
Leaning back in the chair he had cajoled Adam into getting for him, the teen genius sighed. His friend was right. He'd played a lousy game, but his mind still felt as though it was moving through molasses, he was having trouble seeing more than a move or two ahead, and of course his heart wasn't really in it at all. Rubbing his fingers against his temples Billy grumbled, "Well, usually I can take derivatives and integrals in my head and stand for more than a minute without assistance, so needless to say I am not at my best."  
  
"Do I hear a challenge?" His opponent teased.  
  
"Perhaps." Billy replied with a ghost of a smile, warming to the idea of playing Adam under less imposed conditions.   
  
This entire day had just felt so forced. Granted after his rather draining talk with Jason earlier, he had slept for the better part of the day, but for the few moments he'd been awake during Rocky and Tanya's time all they had managed were rather contrived exchanges of 'how have you been' and 'here's what I've been doing'. The one bright spot had been during Tanya's visit when Kat had dropped by to see how they were, but unfortunately he'd been too tired to manage to stay awake. At least Adam had brought something to do to wile away the final hours of his incarceration.  
  
**And here comes the new warden** He thought with uncharacteristic bitterness, as he heard the infirmary doors slide open behind him. Not turning --- partly because his shoulder still hurt and partly because he didn't want to --- Billy greeted the next arrival. "Hello, Tommy."  
  
"Hey, Tommy."  
  
"Hey guys!" The note in his voice was decidedly a fraction too enthusiastic, and the young engineer idly wondered how long the team leader would be able to keep it up.   
  
They weren't exactly comfortable around each other anymore. Truth be told, they hadn't been for a while, but somehow they always managed to maintain the charade, whether for the sake of the team or themselves, he didn't know. Still, four hours alone, together . . . somebody's mask was bound to crack.  
  
"So who's winning?" Tommy asked coming to stand beside them.  
  
"Adam."  
  
"Not anymore." The Asian teen stood and began to pack up the chess set. "I barely kept from getting grounded this morning when Mom discovered me out of bed. Luckily, I had just teleported in and managed to convince her I was in the bathroom. I'm not pressing my luck."  
  
Both Billy and Tommy managed genuine smiles at that. They'd all had pretty similar near scrapes with their parents, and usually got away with it because they were essentially good kids. Still for such good kids, they were grounded more often than they cared to be.  
  
"Yeah, probably a good idea." Tommy nodded. "Hey Adam?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Would you mind leaving the chess set?" The look on the Green Ranger's face was one of complete surprise, but he didn't say anything. Just set the board back down with nod.   
  
"Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow." And with a small wave, he exited the infirmary, leaving the two senior team members to sit in awkward silence.  
  
Billy let his gaze drift longingly over to the bed-table. If only he hadn't slept for the entire day, he might be able to simply plead fatigue and escape into the dreamless void that seemed so alluring. The problem was he knew it wouldn't come. He'd simply lie there, pretending . . . as his friend's silent presence drove him slowly mad.  
  
Chess was definitely the preferable option.  
  
Tommy had obviously come to a similar conclusion, as he was currently setting up the board again.  
  
"I didn't know you played."  
  
"Not much, but I know the moves, and I like the strategy."  
  
"Makes sense." At his comment, the Red Ranger looked up with a question written across his face that Billy couldn't quite decipher.   
  
Not that he was putting a great deal of effort towards it. With Jason he had at least had an impulse to act on, some knowledge of what was wrong. Sitting across from Tommy, he had neither, just this sort of empty neutrality, and a willingness to let the team leader decide for him. If his friend chose to sit here and play chess, then he could play chess for four endless hours, and if Tommy wanted to talk, well then he would talk. But he just didn't have the will to make the first move. "White opens."  
  
For a long moment Tommy stared at the board, until Billy had to almost physically restrain himself from reaching over and moving one of his pawns for him. He was being uncharitable; he knew that, after all it wasn't as though the opening move was unimportant. It was just such a difference from the Red Ranger's usual action-oriented style that it made him uneasy.  
  
Once the team leader opened however, he seemed to find a comfort zone, and the next few moves passed quickly. Billy for his part wasn't really trying anything terribly original, simply falling back on a favorite set of opening moves, and trying to get a read on what exactly Tommy had planned.  
  
"What did you mean?"  
  
"Hmm?" Billy looked up, his hand hovering over his bishop.  
  
"When you said 'makes sense'. What did you mean by that?"  
  
Moving the piece into position, the ex-Ranger leaned back. "It makes sense that you enjoy the strategy. It's how you think, part of what makes you a good leader."  
  
For some reason the explanation did nothing to ease the tension in the room, but rather upped it just a fraction. Dropping his gaze back to the board, Tommy muttered under his breath, "Yeah, I'm some leader."  
  
The self-reproach in those few words was almost tangible. Billy swore he could feel it against his skin, and it grated just a little. He didn't want to deal with Tommy's guilt, didn't want to be the one to console him and bolster him back up. The young engineer had own emotional wreckage to sort through; he didn't need anyone else's.   
  
Still, as tempted, as he was to let the utterance slide without comment, the pain in the Red Ranger's voice was real, and he couldn't ignore that. "Zordon thinks so. He wouldn't have given you the position, if he didn't have the utmost faith in you."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"My opinion is irrelevant." Billy murmured as he studiously refocused on the game, bringing out his knight.   
  
"Is that really what you think?" Tommy's voice was laced with a kind of desperate disbelief.  
  
"Is there a reason I should think otherwise?"  
  
He felt the Red Ranger's eyes on him, no doubt giving him that searching team-leader stare. Still he didn't look up, uncertain as to whether he wanted Tommy to pick up the gauntlet or let it lay there.   
  
Not that their leader had ever backed away from a challenge before. "Yeah, there are. You are an big part of what we do and ---"   
  
Billy held up a hand to stop him mid-sentence. This entire conversation was starting down a road that he felt he'd already traveled too many times today --- he was getting tired. "I'm aware of the importance of my technical contributions to the team, thank you."  
  
Tommy scowled. "It's more than that, and you know it. You've got experience and intelligence. You say 'I have an idea', and everyone listens. The entire team really respects you, so of course your opinion matters."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Do I what?"  
  
"Respect me."  
  
"Of course I do." It was an automatic response, and the moment Tommy said it his face showed that he realized the inadequacy. The game, which had been forgotten over the past few moments, suddenly had his full attention.   
  
It wasn't until they were deep into the middle game that he finally spoke again. "I guess I haven't exactly done a lot to show it, have I?"  
  
It was a rhetorical question and Billy took it as such.  
  
"I'm really sorry about the party, and . . . everything. But it was Jason, you know? I guess I just got caught up in the excitement. I mean, what would you have done?"  
  
Something had dropped from the Red Ranger's face, as though he had thrown aside the carefully maintained veneer of composure. Billy hadn't seen Tommy this open in a long time. Casting his mind back he realized that the last time had been the final few days before Kim left for the Pan-Globals, when the three of them had been trying to shove an entire year's worth of emotions into one whirlwind week. God, that had almost been a year ago.  
  
Unable to maintain his chosen position of slightly vindictive neutrality in the face of such a powerful reminder of when times had been good, Billy managed a sad smile. "I'm not sure what I would have done. Thankfully, that's not my call."  
  
"Do you ever wish it was?"  
  
It took him almost an entire minute to process the question. When he finally did it took another minute to come up with a response he knew Tommy would believe because the entire idea was so foreign to him that his first instinct was just to shout 'No!' and be done with it.   
  
"No. I have never wanted your position. The time during the Zeo quests was close enough for me, believe me I was glad when everything was back to normal." Realizing, he had never answered the question that had started this whole discussion he added, "Tommy, I have always had the highest regard for your leadership capabilities."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Billy just acknowledged him with a nod because there was nothing else to say. It was true. No matter what his feelings towards the Red Ranger personally, never once had he questioned the fact that Tommy was the best choice to lead the team.  
  
The moment of semi-comfortable understanding past, they once again descended into awkward silence. Reaching over to capture a knight Billy had set up for sacrifice, Tommy asked uneasily, "You and Kat . . . you've been spending a lot of time together, haven't you?"  
  
His hand stilling for a split second over his queen, the teen genius took his opponent's bishop before answering, "Yes, we have."  
  
"You two are pretty close, huh?"  
  
Billy met Tommy's eyes, trying to get a read on what exactly was happening here. He knew that he and Kat weren't exactly forthcoming about how close they were in front of the other Rangers, but he had always assumed that once she started dating Tommy . . . but no . . . It was obvious from the Red Ranger's uncertainty that this was an entirely new revelation to him, and that how the young engineer responded had the potential to do a lot of damage. Taking a few moments to curse Kat for putting him in this position, he finally settled on a reply. "As close as Kim and I ever were."  
  
He didn't like making the comparison at all. It was a far from adequate description of everything that he and Kat shared, but it was a safe one that Tommy could understand and accept.   
  
Except he wasn't, not really. The team leader had leaned back in his chair and was looking hard at Billy, all his earlier openness abandoned as he once again placed the controlled mask back on. "You and Kim knew each other since elementary school."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And I haven't seen you and Kat together very much."  
  
It was a very neutral statement, almost too much so for Billy's taste, skirting terribly close to an accusation without actually being one. A frisson of anger shot through him. Dammit, why didn't Tommy just talk to his own girlfriend?! Still he was here, and he didn't want to make things worse for Kat. Sighing, he shot back, "And just how much have you seen me?"  
  
That caused the team leader to falter just bit. "So when . . ."  
  
"She helps me out in the Zord bay with the repair work and modifications. There are a lot of repairs."  
  
"Kat?"  
  
Tommy's obvious inability to wrap his mind around a concept that Billy found as natural as breathing caused him to smile slightly. "Yes, Kat. She's actually a pretty quick study."  
  
At the compliment a flicker of loving pride crossed the Red Ranger's face, and for a moment they were once again united in mutual awe of the object of their discussion. "So you guys have been doing this for awhile."  
  
"Since before you and Kat started dating."  
  
That seemed to be the lynchpin for Tommy, all the reassurance he needed to bring him back to his usual confidence. Billy on the other hand couldn't help but feel a vague sense of loss. Would the Red Ranger want to come and join them? Would he now be a part of all their time together, the way he had with Kim? He didn't think he could take it if the only time he could spend with Kat was in her boyfriend's presence; too much of their relationship depended on the fact that it was only the two of them.  
  
"You know I never thanked you for making me ask her out." Tommy offered with grin, essentially extending an olive branch.  
  
"You're welcome." Billy was beginning to desperately wish they could get back to the chess game.  
  
As though reading his mind, his opponent absently moved one of his remaining pawns. "I guess that should have been my first clue, huh?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"That you and Kat are such good friends . . . you'd think perception would be a part of my leadership capabilities." Tommy actually managed a self-deprecating smile at that.  
  
"Well, nobody's perfect." Billy responded as lightly as he could, as his mind simultaneously locked around something that had been nagging him since this entire line of questioning began. "So what did it?"  
  
The Red Ranger sighed, the overly congenial manner suddenly gone. He looked as though something was slowly eating him from the inside out. "We had this fight today. I said something stupid. Then she blew up at me about the party, and how I don't know you and . . ." A sharp, dark look crossed his face. "It just got out of hand."  
  
"You had a fight." Trying to keep the emotion out of his voice, Billy repeated the words slowly as though that would help him understand what he had just heard. It was like someone had punched him in the gut, and he couldn't catch his breath. She had promised! She had stood right there this morning and promised that she wouldn't say anything else that she would let it go.  
  
Mistaking the deadness in his voice, for the anger of a good friend, Tommy added quickly, "I feel awful, this is our first real argument and I don't really know what to do."  
  
Swallowing the bitter taste of betrayal, the young engineer desperately tried to gather his composure. "Saying I'm sorry would probably work."  
  
"I know. I just hate feeling like this."  
  
"So say it now."  
  
"Billy, it's two in the morning."  
  
"I can almost guarantee you Kat's up." Now that he'd hit on the idea, he was clinging to it like a drowning man. He needed Tommy out of the infirmary, needed to be alone for at least a few minutes as he tried to right his world.   
  
Struggling out of his chair, he waved the Red Ranger off and made his way over to the computer console. Typing in a few quick commands, he had the computer lock on to Kat's communicator signal. The response he got back didn't surprise him. "She's in the Zord bay. Your Zord to be exact."  
  
Looking over his shoulder, Tommy frowned. "She should be sleeping."  
  
"Well, I'm not the one to tell her that, but I wish you good luck."  
  
"I shouldn't leave you alone."  
  
"I'm not an invalid." Billy snapped, instantly regretting his tone. Sighing, he added, "I'll be fine, all I'm doing is resting. Go talk to her."  
  
"Are you sure?" The look on Tommy's face told him it was merely a token protest.  
  
"Yeah, go."  
  
That was all the encouragement the Red Ranger needed, clapping Billy on the shoulder, he strode out of the infirmary a man on a mission. As the doors slid closed behind him, the ex-Ranger slumped back in his chair and stared at the screen.  
  
**How did this day get worse?**  
  
*****  
  
Groaning, Kat looked down at the readings on the handheld meter and then back up at the console **Please match, please match** They were disparate by just a hundredth of a heartbeat. Not something they could let slide on a Zord that depended on synching biorhythms.  
  
Sliding back under the console, she told herself, **One more try and then you leave this for Billy**  
  
Normally she wouldn't have even bothered with a realignment this delicate, just passed it automatically over to the young engineer, since he could finish them much quicker. But she was determined that he would have as little backlog as possible when he was finally on his feet again, and that meant doing everything she could, no matter how long it took her.  
  
Besides doing this managed to take her mind off her argument with Tommy for just a little while. She still couldn't believe that he had been that clueless as to what Billy was going through. While she knew that the two senior team members had drifted apart, it wasn't until that moment that she had realized just how far, and it had made her furious.  
  
And then she'd gone and said something equally stupid, and the whole thing just spiraled out of control. Blinking back the start of tears, Kat began a fresh tirade against herself for saying something so hurtful to her boyfriend. It wasn't until she heard the step onto the platform that the Pink Ranger became conscious of another presence.  
  
"He let you out?!" Dropping her tools, she pushed out from under the console. "I'll kill him. The next time I see Tommy I swear I---"  
  
The words died on her tongue at the sight of the object of her wrath, standing there with his arms crossed, looking fairly amused. "Sounds like it's a good thing I didn't let him out."  
  
"Hey." It was about all she could manage at the moment as she was still getting over the shock of seeing her boyfriend in a place, where in her mind he had absolutely no right to be.  
  
His face falling a little at the lukewarm greeting, Tommy sat down in the pilot's chair. "Billy told me I'd find you here."  
  
"He did?" For some reason she found the concept a little unsettling.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"How is he doing?"  
  
"About like you said. Tired, weak, and ready to get out of the infirmary." He offered the description with a smile that Kat found herself returning. "Listen, Kat . . ."  
  
"I'm sorry." The words tumbled out before she knew what she was saying, but she meant them. She was sorry for what she had said, sorry that had gotten to this point between him and Billy, sorry that she had had to be the one to shove it in his face. She was sorry for all the right reasons and all the wrong ones. But the past few days had just been too hard and she wanted to find a way to leave them behind. "You didn't deserve what I said, and . . . I'm sorry."  
  
He was silent for a long moment, and when he finally spoke his voice sounded rough with unshed tears, "It hurt, Kat."  
  
"I know. But I didn't mean it that way at all. You have to believe me, Tommy. It was never meant as a comparison or a judgment of what you did."  
  
"I believe you." He whispered, sounding for all the world like he didn't. She was about to make another attempt when he added, "You were right though, about Billy I mean. I don't really know him, and I'm not sure how that happened."  
  
Well if he wanted to push past it, who was she to argue? Reaching up, she placed a consoling hand on his knee. "Are you going to try again?"  
  
Tommy nodded. "It's hard though."  
  
"Don't they say that all things worth having are?"  
  
He gave her a wane smile. "Something like that, but I don't even know where to start."  
  
"You could start by including him."  
  
"I was never trying to exclude him, Kat."  
  
Anxious to reassure him, she shifted up onto her knees and took both of his hands. "No, I know that. It's just . . . he's on a different schedule now, and it's not as natural, so maybe for a little while you'll have to go out of your way."  
  
Tommy seemed to consider this for a long while, looking very much like he did when he was processing information about the Machine Empire's latest monster and coming up with a plan. Kat wasn't exactly sure that she liked the approach, but at the moment she'd take what she could get.  
  
Finally he looked up at her with a smile. "I've got an idea."  
  
"What?" She asked dubiously.  
  
The Red Ranger stood up, and offered her his hand. "Come back to the infirmary with me and you'll see."  
  
"Okay." Accepting the proffered hand, she stood with a vague sense of unease, and followed him down. She didn't know what Tommy had in mind, but she wanted to help it go as well as possible.  
  
*****  
  
Bad. It had been bad. As in watching poorly done community theatre kind of bad. The kind where everyone up on stage was trying incredibly hard, but nothing was really working, and everything seemed very fake. Well, Tommy had been trying. Billy hadn't been doing much of anything other than sitting there and looking put out.  
  
It wasn't that she had been expecting the two of them to suddenly be best friends again. Okay, maybe she had hoped, just a little. But would it have killed Billy to make some sort of effort? Anything other than sitting there, listlessly playing with the chess pieces, while Tommy told stories and tried to engage him in conversation.  
  
Kat had tried to catch the young engineer's eye a few times, and reprimand him, but he had been actively avoiding her gaze. She couldn't figure out what had happened, and she hadn't gotten a minute alone with him because when she and Tommy took him home he had stumbled into bed and fallen immediately asleep.  
  
Which was why she was currently knocking on his door in the middle of the afternoon. **Come on, Doctor. You've had a good full twelve hours to sleep, now open this door**  
  
"Billy!" She knocked harder, uncaring of whether all his neighbors heard her or not.  
  
Finally the door flew open, to reveal a very disgruntled looking blonde genius. "What?"  
  
Kat took a step back. "I came by to see how you were doing."  
  
"I'm fine, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"  
  
He moved to shut the door, but Kat stopped him and pushed her way into the apartment. "No, it's not okay. What is wrong with you?"  
  
Very deliberately not closing the door, he crossed his arms and looked at her. "Nothing's wrong."  
  
"Then how come you were such a jerk to Tommy last night?"  
  
"I accepted his invitation."  
  
Kat sighed in exasperation, "Not until after you threw up every protest you could think of."  
  
"Is it my fault that I have no desire to be set up on date with some girl I barely know?"  
  
"Okay, the part about me finding you a date was stupid, but he realized that and apologized. Besides, we're all going as group anyway, so it doesn't really matter. He just wanted to make sure to include you."  
  
Billy's hand tightened on the doorknob. "Inviting me to go with you all to the prom does not make everything miraculously okay, Kat."  
  
"Well at least he's trying! Which is more than I can say for you. What happened to not pulling away?"  
  
"I changed my mind."  
  
"You promised!"  
  
"So did you." His voice was quiet, but the sharp pain that lay there cut through all of her irritation in one clean stroke. "You promised me that you would let it rest. I have never asked you for anything else, just that."  
  
"Billy, I ---" But she didn't know what to say, there was such sadness in his words, and for the first time she was responsible. He had placed such perfect trust in her, and she had betrayed it. No matter how pure or noble her reasons, she had hurt him, just like everyone else.  
  
Kat suddenly felt boneless and limp, all of the righteous anger that had been carrying her over the past few days rushed out of her, to be replaced by a deep pit of self-loathing. She tried again to find words, even though she knew they'd be inadequate. "I never meant . . ."  
  
He shook his head and looked over at the wall, "No one ever means, do they?"  
  
"Doctor . . ." She reached out to touch his shoulder, but he shrugged her off.  
  
"I'm still pretty tired, Kat. I probably won't be able to work in the Zord bay for at least a few days." With that he pulled the door open wider in silent command.  
  
Not wanting to press her luck, she obeyed, stepping back over the threshold. Still unwilling to simply leave it at that she turned, and whispered, "I'm sorry."  
  
For a moment he started to reach out, as though to draw her close, but then his hand dropped numbly to his side. "I am too."  
  
It was a full fifteen minutes after he closed the door before Kat was finally able to make herself move.  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
As always comments, criticism and suggestions are welcome.  
  
Okay we've finally finished Aftershocks. Obviously there are more chapters, but it will be at least a week until I post the next one as Thanksgiving and law school application deadlines are coming up.  
  
Thanks for reading,  
  
Panache 


	10. Patch Jobs

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: And we're up and running with the next part. I'm sorry that this has taken so long (damn the hell that is finals). This one doesn't jump forward anywhere, so just move from Aftershocks into this.  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Midnight Obsidian for his support, company and suggestions. Also thanks to Ozmandayus for calling me on things that will make the story better.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
**How very appropriate** Billy thought as he surveyed the shambles of his old garage lab. He was really getting tired of his surroundings emulating his mood.  
  
Neglect had led to a thin layer of dust coating most of the half-finished projects that he had come to mentally label as 'tinkering' --- experiments and technology that were more useful for the theories they explored and data they produced, than the actual results themselves. When he moved out all of the essential information and equipment went with him, but there was only so much a person could take before his father started questioning where he stored it.  
  
Disheartening was the only way to describe it. The realization that he had let what had once been his personal pride and joy fall into disarray under the weight of other obligations, sapped what little energy he had mustered for this day, and the ex-Ranger sunk to the ground.   
  
He never meant to leave everything like this, but the work on Aquitar and then with the Zords had been so important, so pressing . . . he let himself become immersed, only returning here when he needed something. Today was no different, only this time he didn't need notes or a half-built engine or a file off his old computer. **If only it were that easy**  
  
Today he needed a refuge.  
  
They wouldn't think to look for him here, at least not for a while. The Power Chamber, the Youth Center, even his apartment . . . those places were no longer safe from the pressing concern of overly guilty friends trying desperately to re-integrate him into their lives. He just wanted to throw up his hands and scream, 'I don't want your pity!'  
  
Except he did. On some sick, twisted level, the ex-Ranger was secretly glad for it, glad for the attention and the outpouring of compassion, even while he wished that it had stemmed from something else. Still just like a starving man who suddenly found himself before a feast, he couldn't adjust to the riches quickly enough and the gluttony was making him ill.  
  
He wanted his staple, wanted what had kept him going for so long, what had provided him with strength when nothing else was there. God, he wanted Kat so much it hurt! As though all the other friendships offered up to him were merely empty confections that left him hungry and hollow in the end.  
  
And that was what had led him here. He knew that Adam meant well when he called last night with a proposed movie festival, and it had sounded like fun . . . until Billy realized that it was a team get together. Why he had thought it would be otherwise, he didn't know. After all that's the way things always worked. **Have I really been away that long?**  
  
During the movies, in the dark, with him on the couch next to Jason, and Kat on the floor in Tommy's arms, everything had been fine, manageable . . . avoidable. But then he'd been stupid enough to let himself get trapped in the kitchen alone with her. Standing there at the counter with her blocking his only exit, he had felt the Pink Ranger's whispered 'I'm sorry' more than heard it --- felt it in the way she held her breath, in the way the drink he'd been pouring spilled onto his hand, in the way he hadn't been able to acknowledge it.  
  
She had been so close. The length of Adam's kitchen, the space of the word 'forgiven', and he wouldn't have to feel empty anymore, wouldn't have to feel alone. Only he was scared. Something so innocuous and simple shouldn't have such power to cause this kind of pain. Next to all that had happened, it should have been nothing, a hurt barely felt. Instead it was everything, eclipsing all other wounds.  
  
If he let her in again, what kind of damage could she do? Fear of the answer had frozen him with his back to her, until her soft fading footsteps told him it was safe.  
  
He wanted to forgive her, more than anything the ex-Ranger wanted to be brave and accept her heartfelt apology. His mind had already come up with all the reasons why he should. His heart didn't need any of them. The sheer fact of her was enough. But it all came to a grinding halt at one seemingly insurmountable obstacle: he was an emotional coward.  
  
In the face of that, active avoidance seemed the best course.  
  
Heaving a mental and physical sigh, Billy leaned against the garage door and began to take inventory. As long as he was cowering here in the dark, he might as well do something productive. Flicking his eyes over the shelves, the young engineer started to put things into broad categories --- keep, complete, salvage, toss. At least one thing in his life should be in good shape.  
  
Nothing could be done about those items he needed to complete or salvage parts from. Although he felt relatively well, he doubted his still limited resources would put up with that kind of mental exertion. That left keep and toss, which really came down to organize and clean, two things he hated with a vehemence he usually kept reserved for the Machine Empire.  
  
Reminding himself that the other options were sitting here doing nothing and venturing out into the nearly claustrophobic-inducing attentions of his erstwhile friends, Billy struggled to his feet.  
  
Now if he remembered correctly, cleaner and rags used to be . . . aha! Sure enough, the young engineer pulled the bin of cleaning supplies out from exactly where he had left them. In fact everything was exactly how he had left it. If his father had moved anything, he'd been meticulous in returning it to its former position.   
  
The teen genius found himself to be of two minds about that. On one hand he was grateful for the sense of continuity and connection it gave him. Yet at the same time it eerily reminded Billy of the way his father had preserved their home after his mother's death --- linens kept past their prime, groceries they didn't eat but still bought, pictures that remained long after their subjects had grown. It had taken Billy rearranging the living room and changing out every picture in the house before they were finally able to acknowledge that Marie Cranston was no longer around to take care of her boys. It marked the first and only time he saw his father cry.  
  
Unwillingness to intrude, it had to be unwillingness to intrude. He wasn't a memory needing to be preserved, so this couldn't be his father's vain attempt to hold on. Lifting the bin up onto the counter, he dug through it and pulled out a fairly clean rag and multipurpose cleaner. Suddenly the entire lab seemed like a battlefield, him against the dust, against the foot soldiers of time and forgotten responsibilities. Attacking the project with voracity, the young engineer set to work chasing away his mistakes.  
  
One bottle of cleaner and five rags later it was almost as miraculous a transformation as moving the couch to the other side of the room. Sinking down in his desk chair, Billy surveyed his work with a sort of grim satisfaction. It was clean yes, but still too similar, still a shadowbox of the past. He needed to move things, get rid of things, do something. No longer the merely curious boy, he had changed into a purposeful young man, this space should have changed with him.  
  
Besides in short time that he'd been sitting here, Billy had thought about Kat at least four times, and his father twice. He needed a new distraction.  
  
Spinning in his chair, he tapped the power switch on his old computer, smiling as he heard the familiar grinding then quiet hum. Desperate as he might be to simply shoot up and start moving supplies, it would all be a futile effort if he didn't take the time to catalogue what he did. Pulling up the inventory database he'd created in one of his more organized moments, Billy began to go through each item, marking down his intention for it, in case he didn't get to finish today.  
  
Halfway through the B's the ex-Ranger became aware of the flashing email icon at the bottom of his screen. He had forgotten that he'd setup this computer to automatically connect to the internet. Studiously ignoring the fact that that also meant his father had kept the second phone line only Billy used, he clicked on the icon letting curiosity bury his concern.  
  
Three emails --- one a polite, but impersonal newsletter from the chemical supply company he used, the other two . . . all too intimate.  
  
Even without the familiar email address, he would have recognized Trini's letter within two lines. Somehow she managed to write with the same serene warmth that she spoke. Within the space of a few words, she had gently chastised him for not writing sooner, and completely absolved him of all wrong doing, reminding him as Jason had that the Geneva contingent had been equally lax. The rest of the email was a detailed recap of their last few months, complete with anecdotal comments courtesy of Zack. By the time he finished, Billy's sides hurt from suppressed laughter, and the shadow of a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.  
  
Drumming his fingers on the mouse, the former Ranger briefly contemplated shutting down the email program, and letting things end on a positive note. It was a half-hearted effort at best.   
  
The last unread email called to him like a siren. The slightly cryptic screen name 'roselynn' only overshadowed by the more cryptic subject 'Update'. Stalling a little, he highlighted the address. It was Kat's, he knew that like he knew everyone else's email. Not that the word combination made it hard to guess. Billy wondered if she realized the vague reference to one of Shakespeare's more headstrong heroines, or if that had merely been serendipity at its most playful. Either way it was appropriate. Still she never emailed him personally, much preferring to seek out face-to-face contact. Of course he hadn't exactly been receptive to that approach the past few days.  
  
**Time to be dashed against the rocks**  
  
It took him a full moment of blank staring to process the reality of what he was reading. Billy wasn't sure precisely what he had expected the contents to be, given the subject, but this hadn't even made the cut.  
  
~~~  
I wanted to make sure that you didn't have too much work when you got better, so I did some repairs on my own. Here's a list so you can check me. Hope this helps.  
~~~  
  
Detailed and extensive were completely inadequate words for the list of repairs Kat had sent. There were at least three jobs on every Zord, each with the corresponding grid coordinates for the schematics, so he could easily find the work. **She must have gotten those from Alpha**  
  
Looking over the list he frowned. There was more here than could be done in a few hours, or even a night. God, she'd even completed biorhythm realignment on Edward, that alone was a two to three hour job. This had to have taken the majority of her weekend. If she kept this up, Kat was going to make herself sick.  
  
Hitting reply, Billy leaned back and tried to figure out how he wanted to respond. A simple thank you seemed coldly inadequate. An acceptance of the implied apology would only be cruel because he still didn't know how he would react when he saw her again. Silence also wasn't an option because he had the sneaking suspicion that if he took that course, she'd just start camping out in the Zord bay, and from the looks of it the Pink Ranger was already running on far too little sleep.  
  
Dammit, he was no good at this! Kat was the one who knew how make him understand all the complexities of his own stupid emotions. She was the one who asked all the right questions and forced him to talk until somehow the truth spilled out. Unfortunately, right now the specter of Kat and the truth in the same thought scared the hell out of him.  
  
Absently glancing over at the clock, he tried to picture the Pink Ranger in her current surroundings. One-twenty, still in school, probably barely awake through the last few minutes of sixth period bio . . . **Damn** Of all the weeks for her to adopt his work ethic. **She fails, and you have no one to blame but yourself**  
  
At least now he knew what to say. It took him four drafts of the email to reign-in the self-directed anger and transform it into terse concern. Hitting the send button before he was tempted to try for draft number five, the teen genius leaned back and sighed.   
  
Billy knew that in a few minutes he'd shut everything down and go looking for his old notes, all the while trying to convince himself he was only doing it because he'd promised, and not because it made a rather good excuse. Still that didn't mean he couldn't sit here and pretend for at least five minutes that that was precisely what he wouldn't do.  
  
He made it all of a minute and a half.  
  
**As distractions go . . . that was a dismal failure**  
  
*****  
  
"Hello, earth to Kat . . . come in Kat . . ."  
  
"Huh?" The Pink Ranger shook herself out of her reverie to find Tanya standing in the doorway grinning at her.  
  
"Man, talk about gone. I've been standing here for at least five minutes."  
  
"No you haven't."  
  
"Okay, two. Still pretty long." Her housemate moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "So where were you?"  
  
Kat twisted in the desk chair to look at her friend. "What?"  
  
Leaning back on her elbows, the Yellow Ranger smirked. "When I zone like that I am one of two places Africa or Adam."  
  
"Adam isn't a place."  
  
"Well, he should be. The man should be an entire country. Someplace far off and mysterious that everyone wants to visit, but no one actually does."  
  
"Except you." Kat added, smiling a little at Tanya's blatant appreciation of her boyfriend.  
  
"Except me." The African teen confirmed with a lecherous note in her voice, and a slight blush to her cheeks. "So, where were you, Australia or Tommy? I'm betting Tommy."  
  
Turning back around to look down at the books on her desk, she murmured, "Neither, I was studying."  
  
Tanya wasn't buying it. "Studying what? Nothing we are learning right now is that interesting."  
  
"Biology. I've got that exam this week remember?"   
  
"Yeah." The Yellow Ranger nodded, still not convinced, but willing to let the matter drop. "Do you want some company?"  
  
"Sure." After Tanya left to get her books Kat dropped her head in her hands and sighed. Her friend was right. Nothing they were learning was that interesting, but she wasn't about to tell her housemate that what she'd actually been doing was staring blankly down at her biology textbook, while her mind recited the words of Billy's email for the hundredth time.  
  
~~~  
Thanks for the help, but don't come back for the rest of the week. I mean it. I can check for your access history, and I'll know if you do. You have the AP exam on Thursday. You should be studying, and you need sleep.  
~~~  
  
She'd been disappointed when she received it this afternoon. The message was abrupt, offering little in the way of forgiveness. **Did you really think that you'd repair a few systems and suddenly he'd feel like he could trust you again?** Still, it was an acknowledgement, which was more than she'd gotten the night before. Besides the more she replayed the words in her mind, the more she convinced herself that the endnote of concern meant that eventually the forgiveness would come.  
  
Kat felt bad for not confiding in Tanya, but the whole thing was too difficult to explain. Every time she tried to put the situation into words, it came out sounding slightly absurd. How did you explain to others why unintentionally breaking a promise couldn't be fixed with a simple apology, especially when it wasn't something you could really explain to yourself?  
  
Not that she needed an explanation, it was just inherent knowledge that came from her relationship with Billy, came from understanding how he no longer expected anything from his friends. It had taken so long for her to raise his expectations, and such a very short time to lower them again.  
  
Knowing that if she let her thoughts go too far down this path she wouldn't get any work done tonight, the Pink Ranger got up to stretch. Her joints were launching protests against her immobility compounded by her lack of sleep. Rolling down so that her forehead rested against her legs and her arms were wrapped loosely around her knees, Kat took a few deep breaths and tried to let some of the tension drain out her body.  
  
"I have to say that is most impressive."  
  
Jerking up too quickly at the unexpected voice, Kat lost her balance and tumbled to the ground.  
  
"I guess you didn't hear the doorbell." Tanya appeared beside her out of seemingly nowhere, her voice struggling to sound concerned over barely concealed amusement. "You okay?"  
  
"I'm fine." Waving her off, the Pink Ranger sat up slowly. "I just thought I heard--"  
  
"Hello, Kat."  
  
"-Billy . . ."  
  
Like some mirage, the former Ranger knelt in front of her, the expression on his face unreadable. "I'm sorry if I startled you."  
  
Words, there were definitely supposed to be words, but sitting here on her bedroom floor staring into familiar green eyes that at the moment held only serious concern, she'd be damned if she could think of any.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Tanya waved a hand in front of her face.  
  
The action broke whatever beautiful spell had held them, and Kat struggled not to glare at her housemate as Billy got to his feet. "I'm sure. Just a little dazed I guess."  
  
"I came to help you study." The teen genius offered in answer to her unspoken question, as he extended a hand to help her up.  
  
Taking it, more to convince herself that this wasn't wishful thinking than for assistance, she stood. "You did?"  
  
"I promised I would."  
  
"Oh." Kat flinched involuntarily at his words, at the unintended reminder that he had yet to break a promise to her no matter how much he loathed keeping it. Realizing that her hand still rested in his, she let go.  
  
Apparently registering exactly what he had just said, Billy dropped his gaze and with it his momentary openness. "The AP exam is a pretty rigorous test. I just wanted to make sure that you were completely prepared." Turning, he moved to retrieve the backpack he had dropped by the doorway. "I don't know what Paulson's given you, but I brought some of my old notes and practice exams. I thought we could start there, just to get a sense of what you do and don't know."  
  
He spoke in a sort of detached, vaguely clinical tone, like a hired tutor. Interested in seeing her do well only because it was his job. If she reached out to him would she be able to actually touch the walls he was putting up?  
  
"Well, it sounds like you two have a lot of work to do, and exciting as I'm sure the digestive system is, I'll probably just be in the way."  
  
Billy looked over from where he was laying out papers on Kat's desk. "You don't have to go, Tanya."  
  
"Yeah, I think I do." Beating a hasty and somewhat awkward retreat out of the room, the Yellow Ranger stopped in the doorway to shoot a puzzled glance in her friend's direction. Kat shook her head to indicate that this was *not* something to be talked about later. Shrugging a little, Tanya rapped her knuckles against the doorframe, drawing Billy's attention. "In case I don't see you before you leave, have a nice night."  
  
"Thanks, you too."  
  
The Pink Ranger walked over to the space her housemate had just vacated, and very deliberately closed the door.  
  
"Your parents would probably prefer that we leave that open."  
  
Leaning against the door, she crossed her arms. "Actually my parents would prefer that we studied in the living room."  
  
"We should go down there then."  
  
"Doctor . . ." She put everything she had into the nickname, all her remorse and loneliness, all the regret and quiet desperation. With one word she got down on her knees and begged, ran to his arms and cried, raised her fists to the heavens and screamed. With one word she did all the things she would do . . . if only she were brave enough.  
  
Resting his hands on the back of the chair, Billy stared down at the papers before him and sighed. "What do you want me to say?"  
  
"Please, just tell me what I can do to make you less angry with me."  
  
"I wasn't . . ." He shook his head, negating the statement, and tried again. "I'm not angry with you."  
  
"But you're not forgiving me, are you?"  
  
After a long pause, he looked up at her and whispered, "I'm trying."  
  
Even as the ex-Ranger confirmed her fear, his eyes apologized. Capturing her gaze, they told her how he wished it could be different, wished it could be easier. Frankly she wished it too, mainly for him, but a little bit for herself as well. Still, this was a vast improvement from fifteen minutes ago when he wasn't speaking to her at all. Kat was not about to press for more. "Okay."  
  
The quiet bark of unhappy laughter he emitted was almost explosive in its intensity, as though it had been fueled by something awful inside him. Sinking down onto the edge of her bed he sighed. "God, I'm acting like such a stupid little boy about this. I'm sorry."  
  
Not knowing what else to do, Kat walked over and sat cautiously beside him, careful to leave plenty of space between them. "I think that's supposed to be my line."  
  
"No." Billy shook his head, his eyes riveted on the floor. "No, I've already made you say it too many times, and I never doubted that part. You shouldn't have to say it again."  
  
"I could say something else like . . . sometimes I open my mouth long before my brain kicks in, or . . . you should make a little device that shocks me before I go and do something dumb and hurtful . . ."  
  
He actually chuckled a little at that. It was a beautiful sound. "You could tell me what major organ system I'd be affecting with that device."  
  
"Peripheral nervous system." Kat replied looking over at him. "This is your way of changing the subject, isn't it?"  
  
"You *do* need to study."  
  
Recognizing that this wasn't something she was in any position to push him about, at least not right now, the Pink Ranger got up to start gathering her papers. "Then we should probably move down to the living room."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Kat whirled around to stare at him in shock. "For what? Hurting you?"  
  
"For being patient, for understanding that this might take a little while, even though I don't really understand that part, and . . ." Taking a shaky breath, he ran his hands through his hair. "I know you wouldn't have said whatever you said to Tommy if you didn't care, so in a way . . . yeah thanks for that, too."  
  
Leaning back on the desk for support, Kat just looked at him, uncertain whether she should smile or burst into tears. **Damn you Doctor, you're supposed to be angry with me, not yourself** How did such a simple screw up become so incredibly complicated? "Billy, I ---"  
  
He raised his hand to stop whatever she was going to say. "I need time. Bonds between amino-acids?"  
  
Turning back around, so he wouldn't see the disappointment on her face, Kat answered. "Peptide?"  
  
"Are you going to write the question mark on your exam, too?"  
  
"Do you think they'd count off?"  
  
"I don't know, but lets make it so you don't have to worry about that."  
  
*****  
  
"What is this?" Billy asked, walking into the room with an open pizza box in his arms.  
  
Kat didn't look up from the free response question she was currently pondering. "From the smell I'd say it's the pizza I ordered, which is good because I'm starving."  
  
"You actually ordered your pizza like this? Haven't you ever heard of pepperoni? Who eats this stuff?"  
  
"Yes I did. I don't like pepperoni, and that stuff is called vegetables, something I'm betting you don't eat enough of."  
  
"I know what they're called, but they shouldn't be on pizza. It's defilement."  
  
"Well when you're the one cramming for an exam you're scared to death of, and it's your money you can choose the toppings. In the mean time, pick them off." She shot back, frustration giving her voice an unwanted sharpness.  
  
"Fair enough." If her tone registered with him, Billy was doing his best not to show it. Coming up behind her, he set the pizza box down on the coffee table, careful to avoid the area that her papers currently occupied. "How's it going?"  
  
"Slow." Dropping her pencil in momentary surrender, she reached for a slice and looked up at him. "I know I'm making progress, but I'm running out of time."   
  
"Nonsense, it's only six. You've got at least four hours before I enlist Tanya's help in forcing you to get some sleep."  
  
"At ten?! That is cruel and unusual punishment, especially coming from you of all people."  
  
Looking completely unremorseful, Billy sat down in the overstuffed chair he had claimed, and reached for the question she'd been working on. "We've been at this for three days, Kat. I can promise you that tonight sleep will accomplish more than any study time that you lose. Besides, you are more than prepared for this exam."  
  
"I don't feel like it."  
  
"Kat, what's your grade in Paulson's class?"  
  
"A-minus"  
  
He looked at her intently. "Then you *know* this material. Paulson's tough. 'I don't give A's. They're earned" Kat smiled at his dead-on imitation of the rather imposing biology teacher, and Billy continued. "All I've been doing is refreshing your memory and getting you used to answering this type of question."  
  
"Thanks for that."  
  
"Well, I got you into this mess didn't I?"  
  
Taking another bite of pizza Kat nodded solemnly. "You did, and this is certainly the least you can do for not warning me that sometimes he gives pop-quizzes two days in a row."  
  
The former Ranger chuckled. "That sounds like something he'd do."  
  
"What do you mean sounds? Did he not do it when you were in his class?"  
  
Suddenly finding the question his hands extremely important, Billy sunk down in his chair and mumbled something indistinguishable.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I wasn't in his class."  
  
"What do you mean? He told me you were one of his best students."  
  
"I took the class independent study."  
  
"I didn't think Paulson would let anyone do that. How did you get him to agree?"  
  
Apparently registering that she was not going to let the subject drop. Billy sighed and set her paper down on the end table. "It was his idea. After three days he wouldn't let me stay in the regular class because in his words, it would have been a waste of time for both of us. So we worked out a deal. I did four projects of my choosing, one for each of the major topic categories covered in class. He graded them according to whether he thought they lived up to my potential."  
  
Kat smiled, "That must have been perfect for you, a real challenge."  
  
The young engineer just shrugged tightly. "I guess."  
  
Leaning back against the couch, the Pink Ranger studied her friend. Something about the entire topic had struck a nerve with him, almost as though he were embarrassed. "What is it?"  
  
"What is what?"  
  
"What is it about taking Biology independent study that makes you tense up like that?"  
  
For a moment she could see him considering her question, but then something changed and everything slammed shut, as though he had suddenly realized he was about to be open with her. Picking up her paper to signal that the matter was closed, he responded, "It's not important."  
  
"Fine." She sighed. Needing to escape the sudden ten-fold increase in tension, Kat snatched up the now empty soda glasses, and made her way into the kitchen.  
  
Well, that had gone well. **I really thought it might be better this time** But it wasn't. Every time she'd think that things were actually getting back to normal for them, something would happen to make him shut down. They would be going along just fine almost like usual, and then Billy would clam up, as though he was trying to keep himself from becoming too comfortable around her.  
  
Kat didn't know what to do, but she knew one thing, it was getting old, and she was starting to lose some of that patience he had thanked her for on Monday. It would be one thing if he'd just yell at her, or let her try to explain, or even God forbid talk to her about it, but he wasn't doing any of those things. The result being they were stuck in some sort of emotional mire.  
  
Yanking opening the freezer door, she began twist the ice-cubes loose from their trays, taking some sort of perverse pleasure in the way they clanked against the empty glasses as she dropped them in one by one.  
  
"It was alienating."  
  
For a moment she thought about not turning, about simply continuing to put ice in their cups, and letting him experience what it was like to talk to someone's back. It wasn't really an option. Closing the freezer door, the Pink Ranger turned slowly to look at him. "Yeah?"  
  
Billy leaned against the doorframe, his hands shoved in his pockets, and his gaze focused very intently on the floor-tiles. "Yeah. Just one more reminder that I was different."  
  
"What's so wrong with being different? That's part of what we like about you."  
  
"No . . ." He shook his head. "I mean it was a reminder for everyone else. For about three weeks after that everyone was sort of . . . I don't know . . . hyper-conscious of the fact that I was working above their level, even some of the friends I'd made in the science club. It went away after a little while, but only because I was careful not to bring it up with anyone. Became a habit, I guess."  
  
Kat nodded sympathetically. "I understand. When I was training for the Pan-Globals, I made a lot of friends on the diving circuit. They were all really great, but once I started winning competitions, they began to treat me differently --- nothing really definite, just this feeling. It didn't take me long to figure out that if I stayed away from talking about the most recent meet everything would be fine."  
  
"Must have been hard."  
  
"It was." Leaning back against the counter, she looked down at the spot he'd been staring at, trying to decide whether this was the right moment to push just a little. Sometimes she was really sure that if no one nudged Billy every once in awhile, he'd stay in the same emotional spot forever. "What made you change your mind about telling me?"  
  
He was still for a long moment, and Kat was certain she had just made another misstep. Finally without looking up he replied, "I realized you're still you."  
  
"Well that's . . . cryptic."  
  
"It's true though. When you walked out just now . . ." Billy took a deep breath as though trying to steady himself. "I felt disappointed, and I couldn't figure out why until I realized that I *wanted* to tell you. No matter what, you're still the person I want to talk to. I don't know why I've been treating you like you're not."  
  
"Because I hurt you."  
  
"But even so . . . well not getting hurt again just seemed to matter a little less. Besides I know you, and you'd never hurt anyone intentionally if you could help it."  
  
"Especially you." She added softly, and he smiled slightly at that. "Billy, I wish you would let me at least try to explain."  
  
"I told you, you don't have to."  
  
"But I want to." Not giving him a chance to stop her, the Pink Ranger continued, "I know it probably doesn't make a difference, but I really meant to let it go. Only I was talking with Tommy, and . . . he just made me *so* mad, and . . . it's completely not an excuse, but it's what happened."  
  
"You lost your temper?" The disbelief in Billy's voice told her that the concept was one he found difficult to grasp.  
  
"I thought Tommy told you we had a fight."  
  
"He did, but . . . I never thought that you were actually mad, just . . . frustrated."  
  
"Well I was frustrated, but I was also definitely angry."  
  
"But why?"  
  
There were tears now. Turning back to the counter she swiped them away with her hand, and answered shakily, "I realized how far apart the two of you have grown."  
  
Coming to stand beside her, Billy rested his hands on the counter top. "That's not just his fault, Kat."  
  
"But I already knew that about you, and I guess I just kept thinking that was the only reason. It wasn't until Tommy and I were talking that afternoon that I realized it was a two way street."  
  
"And you got angry?"  
  
Kat let out a pained little laugh. "Nothing quite like realizing your boyfriend isn't as perfect as you thought to make you say stupid things."  
  
"Yeah, but for that . . ." Billy responded with a tiny chuckle and a sad shake of his head. "That's a pretty narrow pedestal you've got him up on, not much room for error."  
  
She looked over at him and smiled, "Well, I'm working on building him something wider, closer to the ground."  
  
"That's good." Pushing off the counter, the young engineer started to move out of the kitchen, but when he reached the door way he paused and turned back around. "You should know . . . Tommy stopped by to talk to me last night."  
  
"About what?" Kat asked warily.  
  
"Nothing in particular, just talk." Billy sighed and leaned back against the doorframe. "I think we actually made it four minutes before we hit silence. In the end I wound up reading him an email I got from Trini, and then he told me about everything he's planning for the prom. That's one thing I'll say for Tommy, he doesn't do anything halfway."  
  
"No, he doesn't."  
  
"Anyway, I thought you should know that he's trying. We both are." He smiled at her conspiratorially. "Does that give him a little boost back onto his pedestal?"  
  
"Yeah it does. Thanks."  
  
"Good. Now then Captain, when you come back out with those drinks, we can talk about why you have to draw diagrams for most of your free-response questions."  
  
Kat frowned, "But they say you can't just use a diagram."  
  
"No, you can't, but that doesn't mean that putting one down will hurt. If you draw one and refer to it correctly, it makes the explanation easier. I'll show you when you come out."  
  
Dumping out the now partially melted ice, Kat went to open the freezer again, when it hit her. He called her Captain! He hadn't used the nickname since her fight with Tommy, and just then he'd said it without a thought.  
  
She was going to ace this exam.  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
As always comments, criticism and suggestions are welcome.  
  
Thanks for reading.  
  
Note: AP stands for Advanced Placement a major exam given to high school students who wish to receive advance college credit in certain subjects. 


	11. Idols

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.  
  
Author's Note: Well, I'm back. Sorry it's been so long. I won't go into details, just saying I missed you guys and sorry if my writing is rusty. This part sits at the day after Patch Jobs.  
  
**Denotes Thoughts**  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Something wasn't right.  
  
It wasn't exactly wrong either . . . just different. Trapped in the surreal, too-wide border between sleeping and waking, Kat lay in her bed and tried to sort out what it was.   
  
The process was terribly slow. Mainly because in this half-awake state all firm facts were a little soft and mutable, and she kept getting confused as to what was real and what was pulled from her dreams. Was it supposed to be this dark? Who was talking to her? Or was the voice merely coming across the barrier of the dream world? And what was that smell?  
  
Little by little though, her world became more solid, certain things shifting into sharper focus. The first and most definable --- it was too early. The light was still the soft pink of new dawn, not the brash full sun that usually streamed through her blinds waking her long before her alarm.  
  
Pieces started to come together. It was early because she had the AP today and had to be at school by seven, so she had set her alarm . . . only it wasn't her alarm that had woken her.  
  
Where was her alarm?  
  
Music.  
  
She didn't own a clock radio. Rolling a little, Kat looked in the direction the music was coming from. Sitting there on her desk was a boom box, playing what sounded like . . . the Theme from Rocky?!?  
  
Now she could place where she had seen that stereo before. It was Tommy's, and she was going to kill him.  
  
Then she smelled the food --- eggs, bacon, and coffee. Maybe his death could wait.  
  
Rolling out of bed in what many would have called an uncharacteristically clumsy manner, the Pink Ranger made her way over to the window, gathered up her courage and threw open the blinds. **God, why couldn't they have this test in the afternoon?**  
  
"Oh good, you're up."  
  
Turning away from the cruel light, Kat looked over at her roommate who sounded entirely too cheery for this early in the morning.  
  
"Did you do this?" It was finally beginning to sink in with her that someone was doing something extremely nice.  
  
Tanya shook her head, grinning in that way that made it impossible not to return her smile. "Wish I could claim it, but this is entirely Tommy's doing. I was just supposed to make sure you were up."  
  
"He's here?!" Kat yelped, her hands coming up to smooth down the rats nest of her hair. No matter how many times her boyfriend had witnessed her in rugged post-battle glory, bleary-eyed morning slovenliness was an entirely different creature.  
  
"Hey, slow down," The Yellow Ranger soothed, with a tinge of amusement in her voice. "He's not here. He wanted to be, but from what I understand Billy wouldn't let him, said he didn't want you to get distracted." Tanya waggled her eyebrows suggestively.  
  
Rolling her eyes, Kat walked over to the still steaming food sitting on her desk, and picked up the note that lay beside it. She barely noticed when her roommate took that as the cue to exit.  
  
~~~~~  
Kat,  
  
I wanted to help you get off to a good start this morning, so I tried to make all of the stuff you love, but won't eat normally. Just tell yourself you deserve it for working so hard. I wish I could be there with you this morning, but Billy barred me, so I'll have to wait and take you out tomorrow night, your pick.  
  
I want you to know that I'm so proud of you for doing this, and I'll be thinking about you all day.  
  
Love,  
Tommy  
~~~~~  
  
Smiling softly as the loving warmth of the note seeped through her, she looked down at the breakfast before her. Sure enough, he had put together a pretty full spread with bacon, eggs, french toast, orange juice, and fresh fruit. He must have gotten up so early to make this. It was this type of thing that had made her fall for Tommy --- these amazing, slightly extravagant gestures that transformed her from plain old Kat to a goddess-like heroine in a romance novel.  
  
Taking a sip of her orange-juice, she surveyed the breakfast feast trying to decide where to start. That was when she noticed the odd item out.  
  
The coffee was not from Tommy. Firm believer in the elimination of caffeine that he was, she doubted he even knew how to brew it. So that left . . .  
  
Sure enough, sitting under the mug was a second note that warmed her just as much if differently than the first.  
  
~~~~~  
Morning Captain,  
  
First things first, I swear I didn't touch the food. All I did was make the coffee and provide slightly illicit use of teleport technology. So breakfast is safe and edible.  
  
I'd tell you not to worry and that you'll do fine, but we both know you won't listen to me. There's a set of notes under the mug. Stick to those so you don't get bogged down in detail, and I'll just have to have enough confidence in you for both of us.  
  
By the way, the mug is yours to keep. I saw it in a store the other day and for some reason it reminded me of you. Consider it an early congratulations gift.  
  
Billy  
  
P.S. Could you bring me the two signal transmitters the next time you come to the Power Chamber? They're a pain to make.  
~~~~~  
  
Looking at the mug she held, Kat emitted a tiny giggle at the cartoon tabby in a karate uniform throwing a sidekick, with the words "Cat Fight" emblazoned beneath it. That was going to get its own special place on the break-room shelf.  
  
She found the two signal transmitters one on the tray and one on her desk. **When did he get a chance to put that one there?** Putting aside the small silver disks, near her work clothes, so she wouldn't forget, the Pink Ranger sat back down to the breakfast that had been made with so much love, and reviewed the notes that had been prepared with equal care.  
  
*****  
  
**I should have brought a book** Billy thought for at least the third time this morning only to look down at his watch and realize it was now officially noon.  
  
He felt like an idiot, anxiously waiting here in the hallway, pacing enough to give Jason a run for his money. He probably looked like an idiot too.  
  
Luckily no one had thrown him out yet. Since non-students weren't supposed to be at AGHS during school hours and *no one* was supposed to be in the halls right outside the AP testing, his luck was running at an all time high. The only teachers he'd seen were Paulson and Miss Appleby, and both were inclined to look the other way since his reputation gave him a place in student heaven.  
  
Shoving his hands in his pockets, the teen genius leaned against the lockers and stared at the door to classroom 203. She was in there somewhere, her head bent studiously over the test booklet, errant strands from her pony tail tucked back behind her ears.  
  
And he was out here . . . only God knew why.  
  
He told himself he was worried that his own stupid selfish anger might have somehow thrown her off balance and threatened her chances. And then just as quickly he told himself it was ridiculous to think his interactions with Kat would have that much say in her equilibrium. Tommy's maybe, his . . . of course not.  
  
So he told himself she might want someone to hang around with after this, and with everyone else in class he was a logical candidate. But what if she wanted to be alone?  
  
**I should just go**  
  
Except no movement actually accompanied that thought. He needed to see her, even if it was just long enough to apologize. The young scientist needed to know if he could still make her smile in a way that wasn't sad or if he had destroyed that, and he needed to know now. That and he was going to go crazy if he had to wait one more second to find out how she did.  
  
The muffled sound of movement caught his ear, and Billy turned his attention back to the door just in time to see it fly open and a small group of rather disheveled looking students file out. A few, who recognized him, gave him an odd look, but no one said anything as he continued to keep his gaze fixed on the doorway.  
  
Just as he was about to start asking the others whether he had the right room, Kat appeared, her head bent down as she redid her pony-tail smoothing pale gold locks back into place with her scrunchie. Pushing off the lockers the teen genius took a step towards her, and at that moment she looked up.  
  
**Yup, shouldn't have come** Billy thought as he took in his friend's bewildered look. She was going to ask why he was here, and he wasn't going to have an answer at least not a safe one. He was pretty sure 'I needed to see you' was about as dangerous as he could get.  
  
Kat look of surprise had now transformed into a wide grin, but the ex-Ranger didn't see that as he tried to casually look around at the other students, and think of something to say.  
  
The Pink Ranger got there first. "Hey."  
  
Whipping his head back around to meet her gaze, Billy felt a wave of relief wash over him at the realization that she wasn't going to interrogate him, or question his motives, and that he could still make her smile.  
  
"Hey," he replied softly, meeting her smile with one of his own, "I-I came to see how you did."  
  
Kat bit the bottom of her lip, and for a second Billy's heart sunk, until it became apparent that she was only doing so to suppress a wide grin. "I don't want to jinx myself, but . . . I kicked its ass."  
  
Letting out a laugh that he had to work hard to keep quiet, the young scientist unthinkingly swept her into bear hug --- exuberance spurred on not only by her answer but her phrasing. After Tommy's reaction to Billy's casual use of the mild profanity, the two had started to use the phrase a little more frequently taking a kind of illicit delight at the idea of how the Rangers would react to the two mild-mannered team members being, well, not quite so mild.  
  
As he started to come back down from his cloud, Billy became aware of the fact that he was still holding her, and had been . . . for far too long. Embarrassed he fumbled to release her, only to have his breath catch in surprise at the feeling of her resistance.  
  
"Please don't." She whispered, in a way that if he trusted his interpretations he'd call slightly desperate. Lifting her head a little, Kat met his eyes, and he could see the shining beginnings of tears in hers.   
  
What had brought on this sudden change?   
  
"Please don't pull away again." She whispered her voice rough with tears she was holding back.  
  
As he felt her arms tighten around his back, it became blindingly clear to him. With the exception of helping her up off the floor on Monday, he hadn't touched her since she broke her promise. That easy contact, which had once been so unthinkingly natural, had been lost. Even as he attempted to extend an emotional hand of friendship, he'd been exceedingly careful not to extend a physical one.  
  
It had never occurred to him that she'd notice the loss.  
  
Yet as his mind struggled to wrap itself around this thought, his arms had no trouble wrapping around her waist and pulling her close, letting her feel what he couldn't figure out how to say.   
  
"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." She was crying now. With her face buried against his neck he could feel the damp of her tears, the soft breath of her choked sobs.  
  
He lifted a hand to stroke her hair, but quickly dropped it to her shoulder. "Shh, I blew it out of proportion. You know that."  
  
Feeling her nod, he laughed silently. Kat still had no trouble calling him on his faults. She had calmed a little now, but still made no move to extricate herself. Knowing that he couldn't be the first one to move away, Billy just let her stay there, holding on to him like he was keeping her afloat.  
  
She felt so natural in his arms, too natural, like little pieces of her were melting into him and it would be painful when she stepped away. It hadn't been like this before. When they had held each other he always felt good or comfortable or safe, but never before had he felt . . . right.  
  
He desperately wanted to stay here holding her, feeling this way. He desperately wanted to step away before anymore of her melted into him, and he was lost. Fear won out over joy.   
  
"Kat?" Turned slightly so he could whisper to her, after all this hall was supposed to be a completely quiet zone.  
  
"Hmmm?" The Pink Ranger lifted her head to look at him, her eyes read and puffy, tears still fresh on her cheeks.  
  
Unable to help himself, Billy lifted his hand and brushed away the moist spots with his thumb. "The next set of testers will be coming soon. We should leave."  
  
For the tiniest of infinities, neither of them moved. All Billy could manage to do was stand there dumbly with his hand cupping her face, and Kat seemed to be just as transfixed as he. Then fear returned in full and he had to force himself not to jerk away.  
  
"Yeah." Her hands took over swiping away the tears as she bent down to pick up her bag from where she had dropped it. Straightening back up, she smiled at him. "I have the rest of the day off, please don't make me spend it alone."  
  
*****  
  
"Come on, one splurge is not going to kill you or your physique or whatever it is that you're worried about." Billy enticed holding out a forkful of what was possibly the most decadent looking chocolate confection Kat had seen in years. "The ice cream is melting."  
  
Heaving an overly loud, exasperated sigh, the Pink Ranger leaned forward and let him feed her the proffered morsel. God, it was actually better than it looked!  
  
At Billy's far too self-satisfied chuckle, Kat opened her eyes to find him sliding a clean fork across the table to her with a knowing smile. "You know you want to."  
  
Even as she picked up the fork and began to dig in, she continued to protest, "I feel like such a failure. Here I volunteer every week with the drug program, talking about peer pressure, and just saying no, and I can't even manage to resist you and chocolate."  
"Well it's a potent combination, highly addictive." He grinned. "Besides it is a well known fact that a little bit of chocolate now and then is extremely healthy."  
  
"Is that your official medical opinion, Doctor Cranston?"  
  
"Absolutely, the addition of chocolate to one's diet is as essential as pepperoni on pizza."  
  
"Yet another thing I don't eat."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
Pausing for a moment to savor the bite he had just popped into his mouth, Billy finally continued. "Why don't you eat it?"  
  
"I don't like pepperoni."  
  
"Okay, but eggs, french toast . . . chocolate? You can't tell me that you don't like those things, so why don't you eat them?"  
  
"Habit mostly, from when I was in training."  
  
The team scientist shook his head in mild reproach. "Kat, when you became a Ranger your metabolism jumped about four-fold. You don't have to worry about it so much anymore. Look, at what Rocky packs away, and he doesn't gain a thing."  
  
Leaning back in her chair, the Pink Ranger put her fork down and sighed. "I know that, I really do. I compensate by eating more, but only of those things I already let myself eat. I can't just let myself indulge even a little bit . . . I don't know, I think it's part of my thing."  
  
Mimicking her actions, Billy looked at her in puzzlement. "Thing?"  
  
"Yeah, haven't you ever noticed how we all have this set of stuff that we do, like being Rangers and saving the world from monsters isn't enough, we have to be super people as well?"  
  
"Keep going."  
  
"Well, I mean think about it. Do any of us ever say to ourselves, you know I think that because I spend most of my time risking my life to fight the Machine Empire I should take a break?"  
  
Billy let out a small chuckle, "Not unless I'm really out of touch."  
  
"No, we spend the rest of our time being model teenagers, and even exceptional ones. Tanya sings, Kim did gymnastics, I dance, there isn't a piece of technology you don't eventually figure out, and all the guys can play any sport they set their minds to. Then on top of that, we do tons of community service, teach children, and decide to learn new skills."  
  
"So where does the food factor into this?"  
  
"It's hard for me. I love chocolate and heavy comfort food, and when I was on the diving team indulging was bad . . . and we're . . ."  
  
"Good." Billy completed for her in a flash of comprehension.  
  
"Exactly," Kat sighed, "The list of things I wouldn't do, even if my parents didn't care, because a Ranger just wouldn't is a mile long. Don't smoke, don't drink . . ."  
  
"Don't curse." The ex-Ranger supplied, and popped a now completely ice cream soaked piece of brownie into his mouth.  
  
"Don't go to wild parties, don't have sex." Kat followed suit.  
  
"Don't go off your diet." Another forkful.  
  
"Don't skip out on any obligation."  
  
"Unless it's for a Ranger emergency."  
  
"Don't sneak into R-rated movies."  
  
"You're seventeen."  
  
Kat stuck her tongue out. "Yeah, but I wasn't when I joined."  
  
"And you're not at the moment."  
  
"Well, since I'm already being so immature . . ." Before the young scientist had a chance to process the evil glint in her eyes, Kat had scooped up some of the whip cream that was left and smeared it across his cheeks.  
  
At the stunned expression on her doctor's face, the Pink Ranger burst out laughing, "Oh God, you . . . *giggle* . . . you look . . . *gasp* . . . so ridicul--" Her statement was cutoff by the feeling of something cold and sticky being swiped across her nose.  
  
Shooting a mock glare at Billy, who sat across from her trying to appear serious and innocent, and failing miserably mostly due to the whip cream that still adorned his cheeks, Kat reached for a napkin . . . only to discover there were none.  
  
"Looking for these?" With a triumphant grin, the teen genius held up the stack of napkins, and waved them at her.  
  
Leaning over the table in an effort to grab one, Kat harrumphed when Billy pulled them just out of her reach. "You know I don't think a Ranger is supposed to steal."  
  
"Well, we're not supposed to start food fights either."  
  
Ignoring his comment, the Pink Ranger again made a lunge for the napkins. This time Billy was too slow in pulling back and she managed to grab hold of the entire stack, but her hard earned victory was a pyrrhic one because as she went to sit back down the edge of her shirt trailed through what was left of their dessert.   
  
"Damn."  
  
"Oh God Kat, I'm sorry."  
  
Shooting him a quick reassuring smile, Kat surveyed the damage. "Please, don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault, and I'm sure Mom can get it out."  
  
"Hang on." Getting up from the table, Billy made his way over to the waiter's station, and returned with a glass of ice water. "Here, that should help with preliminary damage control."  
  
"Thanks." Dipping a clean napkin into the water, she began scrub trying to get out as much of the stain as possible.  
  
"Are you sure it's going to be okay?"  
  
"Pretty sure. Besides, it's not as if this is my only pink shirt." She commented wryly. "I don't think my closet will feel the loss."  
  
"That's true."  
  
By now the stain had faded to a fairly light spot surrounded by a large circle of water. "There, almost as good as new. Thanks for the water."  
  
"Your welcome, I'm getting pretty good with stain removal, one of the hazards of wearing light colors."  
  
Kat grinned, "Tell me about it. You know I wonder how Tommy did it when he was white."  
  
"I've been thinking about that. I mean in just under a week, I have managed to stain every light colored piece of clothing I own. I've come to the conclusion that he must have done it with a very scientific blend of magic and luck that I wish he'd pass on to me. It was so much easier on my clothing when I wore black."  
  
"You looked better in it too. I wish you'd wear it again." The Pink Ranger replied absently, as she tried to dry her shirt with what was left of the napkins.  
  
Silence.  
  
**Damn** Kat hung her head, and squeezed her eyes shut trying to wish her unthinking comment away. **Nice, just go ahead and insult his looks your first day back to normal why don't you?**  
  
She would have banged her head against the table if she thought it would do any good. Everything had been so perfect, from the moment she had walked out of the room and seen him standing there, waiting for her like . . . well, like *her* Doctor. They just fit each other so well as though nothing had ever gone wrong, from the way she felt in arms . . . to the way she made him laugh. It had been like sliding into a favorite pair of jeans that you hadn't been able to wear for a while, and suddenly finding they fit better than ever --- she'd felt comfortable, giddy, and maybe just the tiniest bit flirty . . .  
  
"God, I'm sorry Billy . . . I didn't mean . . . you look good, it's just . . ."  
  
"Captain . . . slow down . . . it's okay . . ." At the gentle reassurance, Kat finally looked up to find that he didn't seem to be insulted at all. Instead, his eyes danced with a combination of amusement, embarrassment, and something almost . . . hopeful.  
  
"Oh." Suddenly, she felt almost ridiculous leaping from one extreme emotion to the next, trying to follow him only to look up and see him standing where she'd just left. "When you went silent, I just thought . . ."  
  
"No . . . no . . ." Billy shook his head. "It's just . . . well . . . it's been a long time since I've had any kind of female commentary on my wardrobe . . . I guess you caught me off guard."  
  
"I'm sorry if I overstepped."  
  
"Overstepped?"  
  
"Yeah, at our age clothing 'commentary' is firm girlfriend territory . . ."  
  
"I don't mind the encroachment . . ." As soon as the words left his mouth, his cheeks turned the slightest bit red, almost as though he were blushing, and inexplicably, Kat found herself blushing back. Hastily, he added, "I mean since I don't have a girlfriend. I guess I have to make do with friends who are girls."  
  
"Well, you don't really need any style advice any way."  
  
"Oh, yes I do, or didn't you know I was a project?"  
  
"Project?"  
  
"Trini and Kim's project to be exact. You've heard about the overalls right?"  
  
"I've seen a few pictures . . . you were cute . . ."  
  
"In a little boy kind of way." Kat started to protest, but he cut her off. "It's okay, Kat. I know what I looked like."  
  
The Pink Ranger sighed, "It's not okay. Someday, I'm going to get you to stop pretending that it is . . ." It was her turn to cut him off. "But I'm not pushing my luck today. So what did they do to get you to let them make you over?"  
  
"Nothing. I asked them to."  
  
"Why?" Kat pressed gently. She knew the look on her friend's face, the sadness there was familiar so much a part of him that she could close her eyes and see the shadows simply from memory. Usually mere traces, sometimes they flashed a little darker only to pass, but now they stayed . . . made heavy and intense by memory.  
  
"I got tired of pretending that she was coming back."  
  
"Your mother." She knew the stories, at least all the happy ones. The ones that made his eyes glow, and his face crinkle as he remembered, but he never shared the others . . . the ones that caused those shadows to come after the glow.  
  
Swallowing hard, he nodded tightly. "Everything stayed the same after she died. Except we never said she died, just that she had gone away. It was like living in limbo for years . . . staring at the same pictures, buying the same food, watching the same TV shows even the medical dramas neither of us liked . . ." A pained chuckle broke his recitation.  
  
"Wearing the same clothes . . ." Kat supplied, moving her hand to cover his, trying to feed him strength and joy simply by her touch.  
  
Taking a deep breath he continued. "And then one day . . . I just couldn't do it anymore. Maybe it was being a Ranger, maybe it was my friends, maybe I simply reached my breaking point, I don't know, but I got up that morning and . . . I couldn't put them on. I couldn't keep wearing this completely false hope, it was too heavy."  
  
She didn't say anything . . . couldn't say anything, there was no response to an admission like this, and he wouldn't want one. So instead Kat sat there her eyes locked with his, supporting, waiting for him to decide where the conversation would go now.   
  
Finally he dropped his gaze back to the table, managing a half-hearted smile and a small false chuckle. "I really know how to put a damper on things don't I?"  
  
She was about to launch into another protest about his penchant for coming down on himself, when Billy looked up, his eyes pleading with her to let it pass, to let them move out of those shadows. Responding with an equally false smile, she replied a shade too brightly, "Well, Rangers are always the best at whatever they set their minds to, and obviously that's even true for making a teammate over. I've got to tell you Billy, if I didn't see the pictures of you, I wouldn't have believed it."  
  
His face cracked with a genuine grateful smile, as he practically pounced on the opening, "Oh come on, I've almost reverted."  
  
"No, you haven't. You're just more understated than you were. I don't know I think it's more mature, like you'd look just as at home talking with a professor as you do sitting here at the mall."   
  
"Okay, now I know you're just being nice. You practically said I needed help."  
  
"No," She corrected him, with a smile, "All I said was I wish you would wear black again. It's a good color on you, and I've got to tell you Billy, I really don't think that tan was ever meant to be your signature color."  
  
"Well, I'm kind of running out of options on the color front." He grinned ruefully, "After all a Ranger doesn't . . ."  
  
"Wear another Ranger's color." Kat completed for him, with a trace of annoyance. "Yet another stupid unwritten rule for the list."  
  
"Hey," Billy looked at her quizzically. "What brought this on?"  
  
Deliberately choosing not to understand his question, the Pink Ranger motioned to a waiter for the check. "What brought what on?"  
  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You've never expressed even the slightest bit of discontentment with your place on this team --- mine maybe, but never your own --- so what's going on with the sudden spurt of bitterness."  
  
Cringing a little at his description, she asked, "Do I really sound bitter?"  
  
"For other people . . . no. For you . . . yes. So what's wrong?"  
  
Kat shook her head. "You're just going to think I'm being selfish."  
  
Billy shook his head. "I know you too well to ever think that. Besides even if you are, do you really think I care? It's me, Captain."  
  
The words resonated within her, tugging at the strings holding together all those 'bad thoughts' she usually kept so neatly packaged away in some corner of her self. "It's Tommy."  
  
Kat shot a wary glance at her friend to see how the simple name went over with him. For a moment she wasn't even sure he had heard her, his expression was so very neutral, until it struck her how uncharacteristic the cool neutrality itself was. Still, although the gaze that met hers might be a little sharper around the edges than usual, at its core was the same gentle, concerned light that always shone for her.  
  
"I can't help but be just a little bit angry that he isn't coming over tonight to celebrate with me. Does that make me an awful person?"  
  
"No."  
  
"But you don't even know why he isn't coming over."  
  
"It doesn't matter."  
  
"It feels like it does."  
  
Billy sighed, "All right, since you're obviously determined to beat yourself up about this, tell me why he isn't coming over."  
  
"His students have a tournament in Stone Canyon, and since he has to miss so many of them because Mondo has really great timing, he feels like he has to be there when he can no matter what."  
  
"And you feel bad for resenting that he's doing that rather than spending the evening with you." He didn't even bother to phrase it as a question.  
  
"Plus I'm angry that I feel bad about it."  
  
"Have you talked to Tommy?"  
  
Kat let out a burst of partially hysterical laughter. "Would you? I mean honestly, if you had to pick a person least likely to understand being resentful of Ranger duties and noble actions, who tops your list?"  
  
"But I'm not dating him."  
  
"It almost feels harder. I mean don't want him to think that I'm being selfish . . . even though I am, but . . . god, what if he took it the wrong way?"  
  
"Being up on that pedestal is pretty scary, huh?"  
  
The Pink Ranger's head snapped up to meet her friend's gaze. **God, how does he do that?** Two seconds ago, she could barely articulate her feelings, and still Billy had managed to grasp what was at the core and present it to her in a neatly wrapped package.  
  
Before she could stop herself, the words tumbled out in a frightened whisper. "What if I fall?"  
  
Getting up from his chair, the teen genius came and knelt in front of her, dabbing at her tears with a napkin. "Then he'll build you something wider, closer to the ground."   
  
Managing a tiny, sniffle-filled laugh, at having her words turned on her, Kat grimaced. "I wish I could just stay there with out having to worry."  
  
"No you don't." Billy stated with conviction, as he gathered up both her and her things and maneuvered her towards the door. "No loves an idol, they're cold and unattainable. You'd get lonely."  
  
As she crossed the threshold of the restaurant into the mall, it finally registered with her that they were leaving. "I didn't---"  
  
"Took care of it. They were starting to look like they wanted us out."  
  
"Oh." She continued to let him guide her through the mall for a moment, but then stopped again. "You don't think I'm cold and unattainable, do you?"  
  
Visibly brought up short by her question, Billy took a moment to regain his composure. Smiling softly, he responded, "Captain, you are one of the warmest souls I have ever known. Besides, I think it's safe to say that we've both had our share of falls together."  
  
"Yeah." Kat whispered, shifting her eyes away from his partly because of the reminder, but more so because in that instant she had forgotten the entire reason for the conversation in the first place. Searching, desperately for another place to look that wouldn't make him notice, her gaze landed on a tiny smudge of whip cream that still rested on his cheek. "You missed a spot."  
  
Grinning sheepishly, Billy brought his hand up to swipe it away. Unfortunately he swiped the wrong side.  
  
"Um, other side."  
  
This time he just missed.  
  
"Still there. Here let me . . ." Stepping a fraction closer, and simultaneously over that boundary that defined personal space, Kat lifted her fingertips to his cheek.  
  
"Hey, Kat!"  
  
- + - + - + - + - + -  
  
Thanks for reading.  
  
As always comments and criticism appreciated 


	12. Crossing the Rubicon

Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox.  I just play here because its fun.

Author's Note: I do not know where this year went.  Suffice it to say there was a wedding, a move, and law school.  For anyone still interested in this fic, I thank you.  We're starting directly from the last chapter.  Also, please note that there is a little rougher language this chapter.  While I'm not someone who overuses swearing, I don't shy away from it when I think it's appropriate.  It will become more appropriate for the next few chapters.

- + - + - + - + - + -  

"Hey Kat …"  Tanya dropped her hand as the greeting died on her tongue.

_That's__ funny I could have sworn …_

She'd been certain that the blonde across the courtyard was Kat --- right height, right build, even wearing pink.  But when the girl stepped away, Tanya realized her mistake – the girl's companion was all wrong – too short, too fair, too unassuming.

He was nothing like Tommy.  If anything, from his build to the way he shoved his hands in his pockets, she'd almost think that it was … "Oh my God, Billy?"

Adam looked over at her in puzzlement.  "Didn't you recognize him?  I know he hasn't been around much, but --"

"No, no, I recognize him, I guess I just didn't expect to see him here …"  _Like__ that,_ she added silently, unable to voice the last two words to her boyfriend because he would ask 'Like what?'

She didn't have an answer to that inevitable question, the notion was too vague, too undefined for her to articulate … it was just that for a moment she was absolutely certain that the other half of the pair _should_ have been Tommy …

There been something about the two, an aura of perfect completeness … 

Pulling her mind away from the threads of something she didn't want to weave together, Tanya realized Kat and Billy were now making their way over.

For a split second, she fought the urge to backpedal, to put as much distance as possible between herself and them.  Even as better sense prevailed, and she managed to force her face into what she hoped was a 'happy to see you' expression, she couldn't shake the pit of foreboding growing at the bottom of her stomach.

Tanya had never been perceptive, and she always tried to change that piece of herself, driven by the idea that it meant she was too self-involved.  But there were times, like now, when her mind recalled a booming voice filled with wisdom and laughter, made quieter by the barrier of double memory.

_Stop being so concerned with what is child; your mind cannot be bothered with such things, when it is filled with what will be …_

It had made her feel special at the time, but now … well right now she would have settled for just being self-involved because in the back of her mind was the feeling that it wouldn't be long before that vague, undefined notion became clearer, more tangible, and when it did she was going to wish that it hadn't.

Adam, oblivious to the turmoil going on inside his girlfriend, had moved to meet Kat and Billy, only turning back when he realized Tanya wasn't with him.  "You okay, Tan?"

_No._

"Yeah, I'm fine.  Sorry, I just went off for a second there, didn't I?"

Adam didn't get a chance to answer as Kat came bounding up beside her.  "Hey you two, I didn't realize you were planning on coming here."

"I could say the same for you."  She had meant it in the same pleasantly surprised tone that her best friend had.  Only she wasn't pleasantly surprised, surprised yes … but pleasantly, no, there was just too much going on inside …

Visibly confused, by Tanya's overly curt reply, the Pink Ranger threw a glance back to her companion, before responding hesitantly, "Well, we didn't exactly plan it … it was sort of spur of the moment."

"It all worked out though."  Billy's soft voice added, drawing the Yellow Ranger's focus from her best friend to him.  Even though the quiet words seemed designed to heal, Tanya did not miss the note of finality in them.  Nor did she miss the warning look he gave her.

_Back off._

Whether it was the words or the look, she didn't know, but Tanya felt as though she had just been slapped back into reality.  This was her best friend, the sister she never had, and she was treating her like crap … why?  Because her stupid overactive imagination had made her a little bit uncomfortable.  God, she really could be a bitch when she tried.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just in a really weird mood today.  You're right it's totally worked out."  Giving Kat a conspiratorial grin, she confided, "You know I was almost desperate enough to get Adam to come dress shopping with me."

"You can't!"  "I thought we were eating!"

Adam's outburst was nearly simultaneous with Kat's female indignation.  Laughing a little, at her boyfriend's stunned expression, Tanya flashed him a not quite apologetic grin.  "Sorry."

"Sure you are." The green ranger turned his attention to his last best hope and pleaded, "Save me."

"Don't worry Adam." Kat soothed his fears. "I'm not going to let my best friend violate a basic girl rule."

Turning her attention back to Tanya, she chastised, "You absolutely cannot let him see you in your dress before prom night."

"I'm not marrying her!"

Shooting Adam a dirty look, but otherwise ignoring him, Kat continued, "It ruins the princess effect.  You get a better reaction if he hasn't had a preview."

Even as Tanya found herself laughing at the light sparring between the two, she remained uncomfortably aware of the fourth member of the group.  No matter how much she wanted to put her intuition aside, to lock it up with all the other wild ramblings of that not quite tamed portion of her mind, Billy's presence made that nearly impossible.  Just the way he stood caused that niggling little thread to brush against her consciousness.

Though he was in the circle, something in his posture gave the impression that he remained somehow separate from it all, tethered there only by Kat's presence.  He stood closer to the Pink Ranger than he did to Adam and her, which Tanya supposed was only normal, considering the fact that Kat was obviously his best friend here.  

Still, it wasn't just that he was closer to Kat.  He was skirting her personal space, positioning himself slightly behind her in a way that what was either fiercely protective or fiercely possessive … Tanya wasn't sure which.  At the same time, Kat never moved far from him.  It was like a subtle dance, each making tiny nearly imperceptible movements to which the other responded, always staying closer than they should, but never so close as to imply something more.  What's more, neither one of them appeared to really be aware of what they were doing, for them it was as natural as breathing.

_Stop it!_  Tanya gave herself a mental shake.  This officially wasn't going to work.  She could not stay around the two of them without hyper-analyzing every movement, look, and word.  It was like a puzzle that demanded to be solved.  God, if she didn't find a way out of this, she'd probably start trying to derive some hidden meaning from their clothes.

"Tan, did you hear me?"

"Don't worry she's been doing this all day."  Adam snapped his fingers in front his girlfriend's face.  For his trouble, he got a light elbow in his side.

"I heard her."

"So, when should we go?  How about Saturday?"

"Let's go today." Tanya suggested almost desperately.  If she could just get Kat away from Billy, she knew that everything would sort itself out.  Without him there to make her so uncomfortable, all those niggling threads would be snipped.

"Oh, um, I don't know …" The Pink Ranger hedged as she turned to her companion to confer.

Billy shrugged.  "I think it's a good idea.  Prom is coming fast, and you don't know what might happen on Saturday.  We seem to be free today, take advantage of it."

Surprised that her imaginary nemesis turned out to be her ally, Tanya looked down at the floor guiltily.  She didn't want to try to read anything into Kat and Billy's interchange because in that moment she'd been reminded of something critical --- Billy made her uncomfortable because she didn't understand him.

He had to be her opposite in every way, the seasoned member to her rookie, as reserved as she was outgoing.  While she made intuitive leaps off gut reactions, everything he proposed seemed to be perfectly reasoned out, step by step without a single gap.  When she was being really honest with herself, Tanya knew that she avoided him because he made her feel guilty and inadequate.

Maybe that was why the sight of him and Kat made her uncomfortable.  Kat was her friend, her ally in the private mental war Tanya had created between herself and the member she had unintentionally ousted.  If she had people who were on her side as a person, then that had to make up for the fact she might not stack up to Billy as a Ranger.  Her best friend wasn't allowed to turn traitor!

Looking to assuage a little bit of the guilt at her childish 'I'm her bestest friend' behavior, Tanya hit upon an idea and clung to it like a drowning woman.  Unfortunately, the idea was Adam.

"Ow!" Her boyfriend indelicately pried her fingers from his bicep, with one word of explanation.  "Nails."

She didn't even bother to apologize.  It wasn't necessary with Adam.  He didn't hold her to stupid formalities of personal interaction.  That was one of the things she loved about him.  Even though she sometimes came off as indifferent or uncaring, he knew better.  He got her.

"You two should go get measured for your tuxes.  Then we can meet up with you guys later."

"Do we get to eat then?"

"Anywhere you want."  Tanya promised, as she made a mental note to limit her boyfriend's time around Rocky.

"I'm in."

Billy did not seem so eager to assent.  "I don't …"

But Kat didn't give him time to finish his protest, turning to face him she chastised, "Are you really going to make me go through the trouble of repeating everything you just said?"

"Where is this tux place?"

- + - + - + - + - + -

For a moment, all he and Adam could do was stare in disbelief.

It was huge!  Lining one wall that seemed to go on forever was an array of black tuxedo jackets that while Billy was absolutely certain they all had subtle variations, he was equally certain he wouldn't be able to tell the difference.  On the other side, hung an even more daunting display of vests and cummerbunds in more fabrics and colors than he was even comfortable thinking about.

Overwhelming was completely inadequate word for this.  His mind chastised that this was definitely an appropriate time to practice some of those running skills he'd been perfecting since becoming a Ranger.  He might have done just that if it weren't for two things … Kat and Tanya.

If he had thought Kat was forceful, the two of them together was a gale force wind.  He did not want to face Kat if he came back without a tux, and Tanya … well, he just didn't want to face Tanya period.  Something about the way she had been looking at him, made him extremely uncomfortable, like she knew something about him … something he didn't even know.

Adam chuckled in a scared but amused way.  "The things we do to keep those girls happy."

Billy started to retort with a snappy 'Speak for yourself', but stopped when he realized that the only reason he was here was because it made Kat smile.  Not really sure what to say at that, he settled for a simple, "Yeah …"

"Well, we better get started, or we'll never get done.  Oh man, could you imagine if the girls got done before us?  We'd never live it down."

Both grimacing at the contemplation of that rather unpleasant prospect, they managed a step forward into the terrifying world of male formalwear.  Looking for a comfort zone, they automatically gravitated to the vests.

**At least choosing the color won't be hard** Billy mused

Except it was.  Cream was not a popular color in the tuxedo shop, and even when he did find a vest, he felt vaguely dissatisfied with it.  As he held it up, Kat's voice whispered in the back of his mind.  _Cream isn't really your color._

Sighing, he put in back on the rack, making a mental note of its location, so that he could grab it quickly when he finally gave up.  As he did so, his eye strayed to the line of black vests.  _You looked better in it_.

_Don't__ even think about it._ Billy chastised himself.

Turning to find out if his friend was fairing any better, the frustrated teen stopped short at the sight of Adam standing in front of four green vests eyeing them critically.  Finally, settling on one, he took it off the hanger and put it on.  Grimacing at his reflection he shook his head and put it back on the hanger, apparently dissatisfied with the effect.

"Maybe they look better with a real shirt." He muttered to himself, and began to look around for help.

Unable to take it anymore, Billy burst out laughing.

Whirling around, Adam shot Billy a murderous glare. "Sure, go ahead, laugh at my distress …"

All he accomplished was making the teen genius laugh harder.  "I'm sorry … *snicker* … but do you … *snort* … do you have any idea what you look like?"

"Like I'm going to my death, if it's anything like how I feel."

"I was going to say Kimberly, but somehow the other fits too.  When did you become this fashion conscious?"

"Since I decided that on prom night I'm going to tell Tanya I love her."

Suddenly, Billy wasn't laughing anymore.

Adam looked up as though surprised that he had just said what he did.  "Huh, guess I needed to get that out."

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow, huh?"  The Asian teen's expression had changed from abject misery to a goofy smile.

Despite Billy's facility with the English language, he could not come up with a better word, so he had to settle for repeating himself. "Wow."

"You said that already."  Adam smiled teasingly, but there was an undercurrent of irritation to it.

"And I'll say it one more time … wow.  Seriously, Adam, that's something.  I mean it's wonderful … but it's something …"  The young engineer shook his head in defeat at his mind's inability to quite grasp what was the appropriate response to something like this. "I'm sorry, I'm kind of …"

"Stunned, inarticulate, really really annoying?" His friend was grinning.

"How about D all of the above?"  Billy smiled in response, and then closed his eyes in embarrassment at the next question about to come out of his mouth.  "I am about to betray how out of touch I am, but, um, how long have you been dating?"

"Well, we started shortly after softball tryouts, so let's see … that's a little less than three months."

"Congratulations."  Billy stifled the urge to bang his head against the wall at how stupid that statement sounded, but it was the only thing other than 'wow' that he could come up with.  

Adam's confession was just so mind-blowing.  Love.  That very mature emotion he had talked with Kat about in the abstract.  His friend was experiencing it in the very-not-abstract.  Sure he had always known that Kim and Tommy had really cared for each other, and that they were probably in love, but having suspicions was extremely different from having someone telling you straight up.

Apparently, just as lost as him, Adam simply murmured, "Thanks."

Uncomfortable silence descended.  What was he supposed to do now?  Were they supposed to hug, or thump each other on the back in a moment of male-bonding?  That didn't really seem appropriate.  In fact the more he thought about it, the more his 'congratulations' was incredibly misplaced.  After all Tanya hadn't responded yet, although maybe if you've dated a girl for three months, not to mention had her back in battle you just know what her response will be … 

Billy shot a surreptitious glance at Adam's troubled expression as he continued to contemplate his fashion options.

… then again maybe not.  Taking pity on his friend and himself, Billy made his way over to the girl behind the counter.

"Excuse me, miss?"

Looking up from her magazine, the girl popped her gum loudly.  "Yeah?"

Okay, high-end fashion this was not. "Do you have any shirts that we can …"

Not even waiting for him to finish his question, the girl pointed to a rack of white shirts.  He was about to ask how they were sized, but realized that she had already gone back to her magazine.  Sighing, he went over and grabbed two that he thought were likely to fit.

"Here."  He handed one off to Adam, as he came back over.  "Maybe this will help."

"Thanks."  After putting it on, Adam pulled on one of the vests and surveyed himself in the mirror. "Oh, thank God!  I was worried."

Deciding to chalk that up to Adam's nervousness, Billy shook his head in amusement and went back to his own dressing challenge.

Still, his mind wouldn't let go of that word … love.  Adam had used it with such confidence, such surety, what must that feel like?  The more he thought about it, the more something in him wanted to know.

"Hey, if you … um … don't mind my asking … what made you decide?"

Adam looked over at him as he continued to fix his tie.  "That I love her or to tell her at prom?"

"Both, I guess."

"Well, prom's easy.  It's kind of it, you know?  I mean after this we have to get serious about life." At Billy's lifted eyebrow, he gave a half-smile. "Like normal serious, start choosing a college, start thinking about the future …. I guess I just want her to be making those decisions knowing that I love her."

He paused at that.  "Come to think of it, that might be what made me realize I love her.  I started thinking about all those things, and I just kept seeing her there.  I mean, she was a part of everything.  Maybe that's it, love is just knowing that this one person will make you smile day in and day out and wanting that."

Billy's hand froze on the hanger.  Suddenly he wanted to tell Adam to shut up because he'd heard enough.  Thank you very much for the information, and I'll file that away for future reference.  But now that he was going, Adam didn't seem likely to stop anytime soon.

"Don't get me wrong though, Tan can make me so angry sometimes, and she's got a temper."  He shook his head in some kind of bizarre appreciation, "But that's part of it.  It's like suddenly, I've got real emotions, big ones.  You go through things and you think you're experiencing stuff, and then this girl shows up … and man, you've never experienced life this way, everything's more intense."

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shut up Adam, please just shut up._

"She's it.  She influences everything, I mean make decisions based on what makes her happy.  I stop doing things because she doesn't like it.  God, that sounds pathetic doesn't it?"

"No," Billy choked out, hoping Adam wouldn't notice the strain in his voice.  He definitely did not think that his friend sounded pathetic.  Frighteningly familiar was more like it.

Finally his silent plea was granted and Adam turned back to look at the mirror.  "So what do you think?"

_I think I need to get out of here._  Briefly he actually contemplated just walking out of the store, out of the mall, getting in his car and driving … maybe straight out of Angel Grove.

Realizing Adam was looking at him expectantly, Billy finally replied, "I think that if you repeat to Tanya everything you just said, she's going to be a very happy woman."

"I meant about the look, but I'll keep that in mind."

"The look's good, too."

Grinning broadly, Adam laughed, "The things we do for those girls."

Billy pulled on the vest he had been holding; only to find it was a black one.

"Yeah …"

- + - + - + - + - + -

Thank you for reading.

Comments and criticisms appreciated as always.

I finished writing this while studying for my contracts exam tomorrow.  For that and what I'm sure are a myriad of other imperfections, I apologize.

Panache


	13. After the Ball is Over

Disclaimer: Still someone else's sandbox … still play here because its fun.

Author's Note:  Look I've updated, and it's only been a little over a week. You should all be immensely proud.  This part is dedicated to cobalt, Dagmar, and Hagar for their constant support and sticking with this story for so long.  I hope you enjoy.

- - - - - -

Groaning a little, Billy leaned against the balcony railing and looked out over the beach.  He had to admit, the student committee had outdone themselves this year.  This had to be the first AGHS event he'd been to that wasn't held at the Youth Center, and their choice was amazing.  High Cliffs was _the_ private club in Angel Grove and it showed.  From the decorations, to the food, to the view, everything was first class.  He wondered whose parents had pulled the strings.

Still, he would gratefully sacrifice all this for one of Ernie's shakes, his friendly smile, and a little familiarity.  But then again, proms weren't made for people like him.  

Grimacing at that thought, Billy turned his face up to the sky, and let the brisk air coming off the ocean whip across his skin.  In the background, he could hear the muted pounding of music combined with the buzz of two hundred teens screaming at each other over it, and every once in awhile the balcony would suddenly be lit up by one of those flashing lights the DJ had brought.  He didn't understand how anyone could stay in there for long. The lights alone were enough to give him a headache.  The crowds were suffocating, everyone too close to each other, while trying to get a little closer to one particular person,  and the noise … God, he was surprised that his brain hadn't dribbled out his ears yet.  

He'd come out here to get away from all that, and with the exception of one couple over on the side who were obviously more interested in each other than him, he seemed to have accomplished his goal.  The air was a nice side benefit. Cool and fresh, it woke him up a little, something he seemed to really need right now.  

He didn't understand it.  He had always been able to function perfectly on relatively little sleep, and even when he did get tired it was in the middle of the afternoon, not … he looked down at his watch … midnight.  Maybe it was just this setting, everyone trying so hard to make this the best night of their lives, all that effort had to be draining.  

Except, of course, he wasn't trying.  The teen genius had resigned himself to this night going down as one of the most excruciating of his life long before he ever got in the limousine.  Besides, it wasn't like this was an aberration …

_More like a really annoying pattern._

He'd felt tired all week, so tired that he'd completely given up on every non-essential repair to the Zords.  

_Thank god, Mondo's been strangely quiet._

Not that that choice hadn't had other motivations … namely one particular motivation who looked better tonight than should be humanly possible … but still … well, the only other time he'd ever been this tired was when he collapsed …

Exhaustion both mental and physical had taken up permanent residence in his body.  He'd taken to sleeping upwards of ten hours, and when he awoke it was as though he'd never closed his eyes.  The scientist in him wanted to run scan after scan until he figured out what was wrong … but he didn't.

He didn't because the other half of him knew exactly what was wrong, and he didn't want it confirmed by page after page of negative results.

What was wrong was that a little over a week ago he'd been hit over the head, or more accurately the heart, with the realization that he'd fallen desperately in love with his best friend.  And now it was taking all his strength to forget that particular detail.

This whole situation wasn't exactly helping matters.  God, she had looked so … well, he hadn't quite found the exactly right word, but whatever was three steps beyond beautiful and ten times as inviting … that was Kat tonight.  

_How do I get myself into these things?_

He'd deliberately stood behind everyone when the girls came down, so that he could school his reaction, but he just hadn't been prepared … and then she'd looked at him, and for a split second he'd forgotten all the reasons why this wasn't the best thing that had ever happened to him … and then Tommy had stepped forward, and he remembered … 

At least that was one good thing coming out of this evening, a graphic representation of exactly why he needed to forget that his conversation with Adam had ever occurred.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, they were perfect … the quintessential couple … visually stunning, absolutely magnetic, you could see it in the way people noticed when they walked into a room together.  Everybody wanted a piece of what they had.

_I never thought I'd be everybody._

He'd forced himself to watch, to take in everything, from the way they danced together, to the way Tommy had massaged her feet when those heels she'd worn got the best of her, mentally cataloguing every tender touch, every brilliant smile.  All night he made himself watch until he couldn't stand it anymore.  Only then, after he'd done his penance for forgetting, was he allowed to escape from his self-imposed prison.

_Face it __Cranston__, you'd look ridiculous out there with her._

His hands gripped the railing a little tighter at that the truth of that.  No matter how comfortable they were together, no matter how right everything seemed when they were alone, the harsh, light-of-day reality was that around others, doing the things with her that couples did, the things Tommy did, he'd be awkward and uncomfortable.  Kat would no more want him than any other woman did.

"All riiiiiight, everybody out on the floor … you all knooow this one, so lets go ahead and take it back …"

The sudden interruption of his thoughts by the DJ's over-enthusiastic rhetoric and the increase of the background noise to full volume, drew Billy's attention away from his ever downward spiral of self-pity.

"I should have known I'd find you out here," Kat murmured softly as she shut the French doors, once again muting the noise of the dance.

Turning a little, he flashed her a half smile.  "You know me, I'm no good with parties."

"I've been looking for you."

"Well, you've found me."  He turned back to stare out at the sky, offering nothing more.

Scowling a little at his obstinacy, Kat moved beside him and rested her elbows against the railing in a near mimic of his posture.  She'd been hunting for him for a good fifteen minutes, so she could get him to dance with her.  Now that she was out here though, it seemed wrong to drag him back inside.  Like taking an animal out of its natural habit and putting it in zoo.  Something was lost in that artificial environment.

It would be the same if she made him come back in.  He hated it in there.  She could tell from the difference in him now.  It wasn't that he was anymore relaxed, it was just that inside with all the others he had somehow become smaller, sunk inside himself, kept his emotions close.  But out here, away from all the people, standing in the night, … his presence took over, expanding to fill all the empty space.    

Even now, when she could feel the waves of discomfort radiating off him, this was the prom memory she wanted.  Not the discomfort, but the openness.  To hell if she didn't get a dance, and even if she did, this would be what she remembered … standing out here beside him, just being.

God, it felt like ages since they'd been together like this, in their time with nothing to interfere --- no anger, no strain, no spectre of lost hopes or other people's needs; just them, pure and unmarred.

"I've missed this," she whispered.  

"This?"

"Night. Us. Silence. You know, this."

"Yeah?" His voice softened a little at that, perhaps now reassured that she wouldn't drag him back inside to the dance floor.

Turning her head to look at him, she smiled, "Yeah."

"So have I."  He replied, lifting his eyes to hers.

At that moment one of the lights from inside streamed through the French doors illuminating the balcony, and then just as quickly it was gone, plunging them back into darkness.

In that instant, a shock ran through Kat's body, so powerful that it might have been lightening rather than spotlights that lit up the night.  There had been something in Billy's eyes and written across his face … something that connected with her in ways he wasn't supposed to connect.

Familiar and intimate, she'd seen much of it before … when they'd been up too late and were laughing hysterically at something that wasn't very funny and then just as abruptly they'd stop and smile … when he'd forced her to face her inferiority issues regarding Kim … when she'd confessed to being scared of not being good enough for Tommy … it was his private look for her, the one that said, "I know you, all of you, and I like it all."

But intermixed with that was something new, something that made her exhilarated and terrified all at once --- like he was seeing her for the first time, like all this time he'd spent around her had been without his glasses, and he'd finally put them on.

Swallowing a little at that, Kat turned her gaze back to the ocean.  "It's beautiful out here."

Thankfully, Billy followed her lead and did the same.  "Yeah, this is probably the best view in Angel Grove."

_Second best._  Kat thought as she looked up at the dark sky with only a smattering of stars, but she didn't say it, instead settling for keeping her gaze on the inky expanse.  A minute ago, she would have voiced her opinion with an easy confidence, knowing that he was thinking the same thing, but now … well now it just seemed like a very dangerous thing to say.

The wind had picked up a little, causing her shiver slightly as the crisp night air blew across her bare shoulders.

"Here," Billy offered, shrugging out his jacket.

She thought about protesting, but truthfully she was freezing and if the wind kept up like this, she'd have to go back inside.  She didn't want to do that, despite how shaken she was by she had seen in his eyes, and maybe just a little bit because of it.

So instead, when Billy moved behind her and gingerly placed the coat around her, she simply looked back at him and smiled.  "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He murmured quietly, as his hands remained on her shoulders a fraction longer than they should.

Kat stood transfixed, suddenly aware of things she'd never noticed before --- the way he smelled of Irish Spring Soap and coffee, the rough patch on left his thumb as it rested against the back of her neck, the tiny spot on his jaw line that bulged just a little when he was tense, the way his voice resonated inside her long after he'd stopped speaking … all her senses seemed to conspire against her, making her hyperaware of him.

And then, just as her mind had started to whisper that there was one sense left out of the experience … he withdrew, both physically and emotionally.  

Moving back beside her, but a little further away this time, he rested his hands on the railing and stared down at them, like he was trying to figure out exactly whose hands they were. 

"So, um … where is Tommy?" 

Still reeling from what had just happened, or not happened, or whatever, Kat looked blankly over at her friend, as her mind worked on processing the question that seemed to come out of leftfield.

_Oh, God._  

An odd mixture of relief and regret ran through her at the realization that he had just brought her boyfriend into the conversation, but most of that was overwhelmed by her nausea at how long it had taken her to process Tommy's name.  Thankfully, Billy's fixation on his hands prevented him from noticing how thrown she'd been.

"He's um … he's inside with Jason … some of the girls have dates from Stone Canyon, they're comparing dojos."

"Oh."

Silence descended over the pair as both concentrated on not looking at each other.

Flexing his hands against the metal railing, Billy tried to figure out what to do now, what to say.  The bottom had just dropped out his world, and he was in freefall.  The way she had looked at him … he just hadn't anticipated this, all his self-concern had revolved around one particular constant --- Kat didn't want him.

Now that constant had just become variable, uncertain.  He still wasn't convinced that what he'd seen in her face hadn't been some kind illusion, his unconsciousness creating what he wanted to see.  But now, now there was a possibility, and that shot every emotional calculation to hell.

"D-did I tell you what Tommy did for me today?" Kat suddenly burst out.

_Oh, thank God._ Billy never thought he'd be so grateful to hear their leader's name, but Tommy was perfect, safe.

"No."

"Well, he got Tanya to let him know everywhere we were going today.  You know, manicures, hairstyles, lunch … There was a rose waiting for me at each place … and then of course he had one when I came down …"

"Nice." Billy responded quietly.  Of course it wasn't just nice, it was perfect … exactly what every girl would dream of … exactly what he would never think of doing.

"It was so romantic." She continued on, almost desperately if he trusted his senses.  "I think Tanya was a little jealous."

"I bet she's okay now."  He smiled a little.  Adam had been so nervous that he'd worked himself up into a kind of monosyllabic state, which had continued all the way through dinner until Tanya had pulled him away from the table obviously fed up with his behavior.

The following sequence had been classic, like something out of a sitcom.  The entire table left to stare at each other uncomfortably, Emily's mention that she hoped everything was okay, and Rocky's unthinking response that everything would be fine, Adam was just getting up the guts to tell Tanya he loved her.

The next moment might have been choreographed, one second they were all struck dumb at the table, the next there was a mad rush to the door of the restaurant.  When Adam had finally burst into Tanya's rant with an exasperated, "I love you, okay?" Tanya might have been struck dumb, but it was met by a cheer from six enthusiastic spectators.

Kat chuckled a little, "Oh, she's fine now, but I'm surprised Rocky's made it through the night."

"Yeah, I don't think that was exactly what Adam had been planning."

"I thought it was great though.  All the planning in the world couldn't have made it any better." She smiled wistfully. "They're really perfect together."

"Everyone says the same thing about you and Tommy."

The expression that flashed across her face was not what he'd been expecting, if anything it was a grimace.  "I know.  You know when they crowned the King and Queen tonight, Emily actually leaned over to me and said 'That'll be you two next year.'"

Billy had to admit he agreed with Emily. "What's wrong with that?"

Kat started a little, as if she hadn't realized what she was conveying.  

"Nothing," She smiled, but quickly looked away.  "I mean, I always used to dream about being a princess … waiting for my prince to come and take me away.  A queen's got to be ten times better."

She paused as though waiting for confirmation, so he gave it to her. "Definitely, and if anyone was ever meant to wear a crown it's Tommy."

"He would look good in it, wouldn't he?"

"Very regal, a regular King Arthur."

After a moment, Kat laughed.  "That really fits you know." She deepened her voice to sound like an announcer. "Brave King Tommy leading his multi-colored Knights of Round Table to do battle against evil."

Billy grinned, getting caught up in the scenario. "Especially back when he was the White Ranger and had Saba, his very own Excalibur."

Kat leapt back in her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm at their new-found diversion, "And Zordon as his Merlin, and of course you'd be his good friend, L-"

She stopped short, leaving them both to stare at each other, the unsaid name hanging heavy in the air between them.

All the reasons this was a horrible turn of events, all his self-reproach, even his perpetual exhaustion, everything was pushed away by one singular thought – he hadn't been imagining.  It was all there, in the way she'd bitten back the name, the shock in her eyes, the way she nervously tucked a loose curl behind her ear … the way neither one of them could breathe.

Unthinkingly, he took a step forward, closing the self-created gap between them.  Reaching up, he gently extricated the renegade curl from its prison, and placed it back against her check.  He moved slowly, giving her ample time to pull away, terrified that she might, but she didn't.

She didn't pull away at all.  Seemingly as transfixed as he, she brought her hand up to touch the curl, and smiled, tilting her head in that slightly embarrassed way she had whenever someone paid her a compliment.

And that was when he saw it … one Tommy's roses tucked in the mass of curls … 

Reality snapped back into place, propelling him backwards with its force.  

Swallowing hard, Billy leaned against the railing for support, sick at what he'd almost done.  Every one of those carefully thought out reasons came flooding back, along with a myriad of new ones, each one screaming that he was a selfish fool.

He could feel the confusion and hurt in Kat's gaze, as she stared at him, trying to work out had just happened, begging him to explain it.  But he couldn't look at her, if he did he might not turn away again.  

"Doctor?" The word came hesitantly, followed by the lightest touch of her fingertips against the back of his hand.

"I -I think, Jason would be a perfect Lancelot."  Billy responded, his voice strained by the effort of not turning to look at her. "He's the strongest fighter, and Tommy's best-friend."  _And__ not in love with Tommy's Queen._

Yet even as he spoke the words, his hand moved to answer the question her's had asked.

Kat stared down at the lightly scarred hand that clutched hers belying every word he spoke with force of its grasp. She remembered him getting most of the scars, minor encounters with rough edges, sudden fires, her first attempt with the micro-welder …

She wanted to create a new one now, to bang his hand against the wrought iron in frustration, until he stopped being so confounding.  But all she could seem to do was stand there, as everything inside her tried to untangle itself.  How had this happened?  She had vivid memories of every scar, could recall the details of almost every night they had spent together, how had she missed this?  

What would she do if he did stop, if he suddenly turned to her and said everything they'd been dancing around?

She didn't know, oh God, she really didn't know … 

Standing out here, in their time, communicating without actually saying the words, she felt so certain of her choice.  But if she pulled him back inside, if she had been sitting beside him rather than Tommy this evening at dinner?  Would it all be so clear in the light, in plain English?

Kat swallowed tightly, whatever the answer was, tonight was not the time to figure it out.  All their friends were inside.  Tommy was inside.  No, tonight was not their night.  Yet even as she made that decision, the Pink Ranger intertwined her fingers with his, answering his confession with one of her own.

"I think … I should go back inside … it's getting late, and I don't want to miss the last dance."  She didn't ask whether he wanted to join her.

Billy didn't respond, just slowly disentangled his hand from hers.  Removing his jacket from her shoulders, Kat folded it over her arm and went to give it back.  But at the last minute thought better of it, and simply laid it over the railing next to him, before stepping away.

"Captain?"

The nickname stopped her at the door, and she turned to look at him, her heart racing.

Billy shook his head, "Never mind."

Nodding tightly, Kat pressed her lips together in a small smile, "Okay."

He stood there long after she'd gone, looking in on the dance, like a poor man watching the rich at feast.  Finally, he tore his gaze away, shaking his head in disgust.

_Stop torturing yourself, you're certainly no Lancelot._

And even if he was … people always forgot that the legendary romance had brought down a kingdom.  Shivering a little at the contemplation of the destructive character of that particular romantic archetype, Billy shrugged back into his jacket.

Kat's perfume still clung to the fabric, and he froze, his blood running cold at the one unbidden thought her scent brought to the surface of his mind …

_It would be worth it._

- - - - - -

Thank you very much for reading.  I hope this part was worth the wait.

Comments and Criticisms are welcomed, as always.

Panache (who really should be studying property)


	14. Three Bright I

Disclaimer: Still someone else's sandbox … still play here because its fun.

Author's Note: Despite my best efforts this part expanded beyond what it was originally envisioned to be, and I decided not to make you all wait for me to finish all 30 something pages of this part. Consequently it will be a multi-part part, much like Aftershocks was.

Timeline: This part takes place during Billy's aging, and two months after. Although I have made every attempt to stay within the basic structure of the episode, I have taken some artistic license. Anything after Billy's aging is nearly complete artistic license.

- - - - - -

"Okay, let's see what we got." Kat wiped the sweat from her face with the back of her arm, and pulled her self up on the steel bar running the length of the wiring conduit that both she and Billy had come to call "the spine," because it carried the primary responsibility of running commands from one end of the Zords to the other.

No matter, how much damage the Zords took, no matter how the battle went, "the spine" got checked every time for every Zord. It was too damn important. It didn't matter that Billy had thrown in hundreds of redundancy pathways through out the Zords, none of them had the power to run the commands as quickly. If the spine ever went, full out went … God, she didn't like to think about it.

The diagnostics for Miguel had come up relatively clean, but the electrical output was just a smidge lower than the previous readouts. Billy might have been able to tell whether it was something or nothing just from the readouts, but … well she wasn't Billy … and he …

_Screw it._

Clamping her mind shut on that avenue of thought, Kat reached back to the tool bag slung over the bar and felt for the magnetic clamps that would allow her to simply attach the panel she removed to the one beside it, rather than having to lower it to the floor. Billy's attention to details like this never ceased to amaze her.

As her hand closed around the light metal circles, the image of her sandy-haired friend sketching the concept out for her on a napkin came unbidden to her traitorous mind. Swallowing hard, she blinked back the tears that threatened, and refocused on the task in front of her.

Shifting the panel over, she reached into the wiring, allowing her hands to move by touch and their own kind of memory. Unfortunately, that meant her mind was free to wander, and it wandered right back to the one place she wanted it to stay away from.

For all of Billy's meticulousness, she still had yet to figure out exactly why he'd failed to design a better catwalk, or even more to the point why he hadn't run the spine through a conduit where everything was easily accessible. But then she supposed that was Billy … never do something simply when you can make it complicated … never take it easy when you can make it hard on yourself … never share your burden when you can shoulder it alone …

_Damn you … you stupid, selfish, isolated bastard …_

Losing her fight against the tears, Kat slammed her hands up against the metal to steady herself, and gave in to the anger and sadness once again. Deep, shaking sobs overtook her, wracking her body, until she no longer had the energy to cry. Still she stayed fixed in that position, her eyes unfocused, her arms screaming in protest, as she worked to force her breathing back normal.

"Kat?"

_Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe …_

"Kat?"

The tinny, electronic voice jerked her out of the near trance, and Kat had to clamp her legs around the pole to keep from falling.

"Kat, is everything all right?"

God, how long had she been here?

"I'm fine Alpha." She called out quickly to keep the little robot from worrying too much.

Double-checking the two small patches she had somehow managed to complete on autopilot, she moved the panel back into place, and made her way down.

"What's next on the list?"

Alpha looked up from the diagnostics he was currently running for her. Despite the robot's lack of any facial features, Kat suddenly felt a little like a young teenager telling her parents everything was fine at school despite bruises or tears or other outward signs that everything was just about as far from fine as it could possibly be. Somehow, the pause of movement and the slight tilt of his head conveyed the same mixture of concern and disappointment that seeped into every parent's face when they realized that their child was determined to try to manage this particular burden alone.

Irritated with the robot for making her feel guilty, Kat strode forward and impatiently looked over Alpha's shoulder.

Taking the not-terribly-subtle hint, Alpha pulled up the schematics and the diagnostic readouts for Lynn highlighting those items that were outside of "acceptable limits."

Even as they went through the list, prioritizing items and dividing up the work based on Alpha's capabilities, Kat's could feel the ire start to overtake her. Unwilling to let the little robot see her like this, she tapped one of the highlighted areas.

"I'll start on this."

"But this isn't the most critical!" Alpha exclaimed, once more managing to convey far more emotion than it seemed his abstracted form should be capable of. "There are at least three more vital …"

Already walking away to keep him from seeing the scowl on her face, she called back over her shoulder, "Don't worry, we'll get to them all tonight."

Whatever squeak or Ay-yi-yi or other expression of indignation and concern, Alpha might have muttered was lost in the thrum of the engines, as Kat made her way into the main core. Only once she knew she was out of sight did the Pink Ranger indulge her anger, slinging her tool bag to the floor with a satisfying clank, and even forgetting herself so much that she banged her fist against Lynn's interior wall.

She didn't cry this time. She was too damn angry to cry.

He had lied to her!

_Alpha doesn't have the enough dexterity for these kind of repairs, my ass!_

In the midst of all their brutal heart-wrenching honesty, Billy had sat and lied directly to her face. Nice and easy as you please.

Alpha was more than capable of assisting with the Zord repairs. True he couldn't manage those repairs in the upper decks, simply because the Zords had been built for a human body, but ground deck repairs, where all the of the major navigation sensors and stabilizers were, made up at least ten percent of the workload most nights. Not to mention having Alpha run the scans had sped up the entire process.

And Billy had lied about it all.

_No, he didn't … and that makes you even angrier._

Kat sat back on her heels at that. It was true. As much as she wanted to believe otherwise, Billy hadn't lied to her, he'd never lied to her. She might feel better if he had. No, the truth was Billy simply hadn't thought of it, or more likely thought of it and then in some sort of twisted self-deception convinced himself that Alpha was incapable of helping.

It was scary how clearly Kat could understand exactly what had happened. Billy needed to be needed. He was so scared of finding out that he was as replaceable as one of the faulty chips, that he created new work, devised ways to keep himself busy, to make himself indispensable. In a way he'd sacrificed the last year of his life on an alter of self-love. As long as he stayed here in the chamber, he had a place, a purpose.

Yet, for all her anger, she couldn't help but feel grateful, blessed, and a little bit guilty for the situation. The fact that this work had so come to define him made his opening this world to her more intimate, more personal. Maybe that was why, despite her professed concern for his health and well-being, she'd never gone so far as to suggest that they bring in the rest of the team, and complete the work that much faster. As long as it was just her, she was special, significant … needed. In here, she had a place, a purpose, and him.

_And__ he had me …_

Kat gently twined her fingers in with the wires, letting her mind replace them with the memory of Billy's hand, desperately grasping hers as though trying to keep her, to keep them. It was like he'd known it was all about to slip away …

Maybe in a way she'd known it too, known that when she'd slipped her fingers in between his so definitively, connecting them in a way they'd never allowed both physically and emotionally, she was severing something as well.

Yet she had continued on with her daily life as though nothing had changed, constantly putting off dealing with the complicated morass of emotions in favor of tangible things --- finals, the latest threat, Tommy's competitions. Everything, no matter how trivial seemed to trump dealing with that one moment and all that it entailed. After all, they had all the time in the world.

Only now, with the twenty-twenty clarity of hindsight could she see the true naiveté of such conduct. They faced danger with frightening regularity and despite the incredible luck they'd had, there had been no reason to think they could beat the house forever.

Why had she gone on the way she had, never hinting at what had happened that night, never providing him with the slightest opening? She'd done nothing, just waited for him to bring it up. Like that was gonna to happen! Expecting Billy to force the question was like expecting her best friend to suddenly stop caring about the Zords. It went against everything he was. What had she been expecting? That he would suddenly show up at her house one night, and, no longer able to control himself, profess his love?

_No._

But maybe she'd hoped ...

Snorting in disgust at her absurdity, Kat disentangled her hand from the wires. _Sure, while you're at it, why not have him press you against the wall with hot, smoldering kisses? That'd be about as likely._

Shaking her head, the Pink Ranger negated that last thought. No, she didn't want … hadn't wanted Billy to do something so completely out of character. She'd neither expected nor wanted him to sweep her away like some dashing white knight. Hell, she hadn't even asked for being swept off her feet. She just …

She just wanted …

What had she wanted?

_Okay, maybe just a little sweeping and a little dash._

No, she had never envisioned any of those scenarios. Instead, it had been simple things like they would reach for a tool at the same time, but this time Billy wouldn't let go, this time he'd just go on holding her hand, and look at her in way that would say it all. Still, whatever her fantasy, she had always been pursued.

Maybe that was what it really came down to, with Tommy she'd been the one doing the chasing, the one pining after him, making a fool of herself to the point that everyone knew exactly how she felt. When he'd asked her out, there'd been a thrill of victory, but also a kind of relief at finally being let down from the precipice of expectation they been perched on for so long, and maybe just the tiniest suspicion that she'd just finally worn him down. She hadn't wanted to go through that again, hadn't wanted to have to throw herself at another guy.

So many things she'd wanted or not wanted …

Now, all she wanted was _him_.

_It's__ a little late to simplify now._

- - - - - -

_Two months earlier …_

Jason looked up as she teleported into the chamber, his eyes answering all her questions before she even got a chance to ask them. Billy was getting worse.

Kat closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath, which failed to calm her. It wasn't that Billy's decline was a surprise. She'd been shoring herself up for this from the moment she made the decision to teleport over here, but even so she'd expected something … some modicum of hope. There had always been hope before, yet there Jason stood before her, offering none.

Anger rose within her, forcing bile into the back of her throat, and she swallowed hard to stave off the nausea. She was angry with everything and everyone, furious at the futility of the situation, at Billy's attempt to play hero, at herself for laughing so casually with him this afternoon, at Zordon for not having a solution to this despite all his wisdom.

But at this moment, Jason suddenly provided a focus. Standing there, he became a lodestone for all her anger, drawing it to him. How dare he! How dare he be the one to pronounce Billy's chances, to play the protector? He had taken so much and now he wanted to guard what little was left?

"I want to see him." She stated flatly, the demand functioning as a kind of challenge to the Gold Ranger's self-appointed authority as guardian.

"I don't think that's a good idea Kat." Jason murmured gently. If he had heard the insolence in her voice, his expression gave no indication.

"I don't care what you think." She shot back, all her frustration and fear sharpening the words into knifepoints. "Somebody should be with him."

The Gold Ranger's features went hard. He'd heard the vitriol that time. "He's resting Kat, and I'm here."

_You're__ not needed here._

The words were unspoken, but they hung in the air all the same, given voice by Jason's posture, by the way he'd shifted his attention back to the console.

Suddenly, she felt small, petty, unimportant. A few weeks ago, she would have been the one to first know something was wrong, the one to grant access, the one endlessly pouring over options, no matter how futile.

"I want to be with him." She pleaded quietly.

_I need to be with him._

Closing his eyes, Jason dropped his head, and all the force rushed out of her anger, leaving her deflated and weak He looked so defeated, so tired, and she realized they were going through the same thing --- the same frustrations, the same inadequacies, the same inability to fight the thing that was taking away their loved one.

Taking a step forward, she rested a hand on his shoulder. "Please Jason …"

Shaking his head, her ever-confident teammate seemed to struggle with the words. "I'm not … that's not … Kat …"

Her name was raw on his tongue like it hurt to say it.

"What?'

"He doesn't want to see you." The confession came out in a rush, and Jason turned his face away, ashamed to be the messenger.

For a long moment Kat couldn't move. Nothing in her body would respond. She stood there stupidly, her hand still resting on Jason's shoulder, as though by not moving, she could freeze time, stop the words from leaving the air and settling in her mind where they would become all too real.

It was Jason who finally broke the tableaux. Turning to look at her, he forced her to accept what she'd heard, forced her to process it, forced her to react in the only way she could manage.

She slapped him.

"Liar!"

Catching her hand before it reached his face again, Jason just shook his head.

"No! You're a liar!" Kat repeatedly desperately, even as she could see the truth in his eyes, "I was just … we were just … this afternoon …"

"I know."

"We were happy …" She finished lamely.

"I know." Jason whispered, pulling her struggling form against him. He didn't speak, didn't try to explain or offer apologies or ask questions for which she didn't have answers --- he just wrapped his arms around her and let her beat at his chest.

She didn't cry. Ugly, dry heaves wracked her body, but no tears came. Standing there banging her fists ineffectually against Jason's chest like a petulant child, she remained dry-eyed. Everything in her wanted them to come, but they refused, as though some part of her knew they should be conserved, that later she would need all the tears she could muster and none could be spared now.

It scared the hell out of her.

When Kat's blows subsided, Jason silently thanked whatever patron saint watched over those who offered to comfort to angry women. The Gold Ranger had begun to think that if his teammate didn't stop soon, he would have no choice but restrain her; a move that probably wouldn't have accomplished much more than causing bruises on her wrists rather than his chest, not exactly an option he relished. Still, his ribs had started to scream that they couldn't take much more. The girl packed a hell of a punch. Kat's quiet demeanor and gentle nature sometimes made a guy forget that she was five-foot-six, a-hundred-and-thirty-pounds of solid, well-trained, muscle.

Stepping back slightly so that he could get a good look at her, the Gold Ranger frowned in dismay. Kat looked horrible --- chunks of hair had worked themselves loose from her ponytail without rhyme or reason, the usually beautiful pale-gold curls, hanging lank and lackluster like wet straw, her face was puffy and red from exertion, and her eyes had a sunken look about them made worse by the dark smudges beneath that indicated she'd been sleeping far too little. Hell, he didn't even know how she was still standing. After the beating the team had taken in battle, it would take days to recover and certainly be nearly impossible to fight sleep tonight. Otherwise they'd all be here, huddled together in a way that was both comforting and claustrophobia inducing.

Still, none of that particularly worried him. After all if he had expected anyone to show tonight it was her, and he was certain that he looked little better. What concerned him, was the fact that she hadn't really seemed to notice when he pulled away, even now her eyes were focused through him looking at something that no one but her could see.

"Kat." He spoke her name softly, deliberately, as he lowered his face to her line of sight.

She started a little and looked up, but her eyes held no recognition, no indication that her reaction had been to him.

"Maybe you should go home, get some rest." Jason suggested quietly, careful to keep his hands on her shoulders in case her reaction was unpredictable.

That seemed to get the Pink Ranger's attention. Twisting out of his grasp, she took a few steps back, wrapping her arms around her torso in a posture that was both vulnerable and guarded.

"No." She whispered quietly. Then seeming to come to some decision, she repeated the word more steadily, emphatically, "No."

At that moment, Kat reminded him very much of the animal whose name she shared. Usually so calm and unflappable, almost regal in her bearing, she had suddenly become mercurial and skittish. A hand came up to impatiently shove the hair, which had fallen in front of her face, back behind one ear. Her crystal blue eyes hissed and spat, seeming to threaten that if he came too close she might scratch.

At a loss as to what exactly was going on, Jason leaned back against the console and looked down at his shoes, as though they might provide the answer. From the moment Billy had made his impossible request, the Gold Ranger knew he had been dropped, blindfolded, into the middle of an emotional minefield.

Everything about this made perfect sense and no sense all at the same time. He had seen the special connection between his old friend and this impossible woman from the moment he first arrived. Obviously, she'd be angry, frustrated, and scared at the prospect of what was happening to her friend, but why hadn't she been here? Why hadn't she been the one to find him? Why hadn't he requested her? She who brought such as easy smile to the young engineer's face at the mention of her name, why blacklist her now?

There had been no anger in Billy's weakened voice, no indication that she had done something to deserve this exile. If anything, her name had been whispered with a kind of reverence and regret, the request made in desperation not anger.

It had made him distinctly uncomfortable, and now looking back on it Jason knew that the discomfort had as much to do with tenor of the request as the request itself. But at the time he had neither the heart to question it nor the guts to deny it.

Yet now, looking at the woman standing across the room from him, a million questions came to him. Doubt, which had already solidified into a heavy lump in his stomach, grew tenfold. She looked manic, shattered … anyone would be hurt by such a shut out, but this was something more …

"Kat?"

She met his gaze, and suddenly he no longer wanted to ask any of the questions that had come to him. One false move and he'd break her.

Instead, he asked. "Are you sure you want to stay here? There's really nothing to do, other than go a little crazy."

She met his wane smile with one of her own. "I think I might already be a little crazy."

"Yeah," He exhaled in a kind of not-quite chuckle, "I guess we all are."

"I want see him."

_Damn_.

He couldn't keep this up much longer. What little energy he had was being rapidly sapped, and he didn't even believe in what he was doing. Opting for something softer than a flat denial, he explained, "He's resting Kat."

"I'll just sit with him." She lifted her chin in a posture of defiance, but was betrayed by the tiny quiver that ran through her jaw.

"Maybe later." He conceded wearily.

"What later?"

Suddenly on guard, Jason's head snapped up.

"I don't know, tomorrow, a few hours from now, just later." He ground out, the last few words bitten off and spat at her.

"Tell me when."

"I don't know when. What do you want from me?"

"I want you to let me see him."

"I told you, later."

"Then tell me when that is."

He kept his mouth shut, refusing to participate in whatever twisted game she was playing.

"Tell me there will be a later."

"What?!?" His throat had gone dry with disbelief, she couldn't possibly …

"Come on Jason, just give me an appointment and I'll leave. Promise me that I can see him three hours from now, or tomorrow, or next week."

He opened his mouth and promptly clamped it shut again.

"You can't do it, can you?" Her voice was small, disappointed, all the bravado gone.

"What the _hell _do you want from me?!" Jason thundered, advancing on her in a way he didn't think himself capable of. So help him, he just might strike her.

"I want you to tell me Billy isn't dying!!"

Her shrill, desperate plea stopped him cold in his tracks, and he found himself mere inches from her, his right hand clenched tightly in a fist. For an infinitesimal moment he couldn't orient himself, couldn't figure out why his fingers, curled into the palm of his hand, wouldn't straighten. Then the full import of her words hit him like a punch in the gut, causing him to double over in response. The floor tilted and swam before his eyes as the carefully constructed self-lie, keeping everything together, shattered.

"God, Kat." The growl of accusation came between forced, slow breaths as he fought back the nausea. Parts of him couldn't believe what she had just done. No part of him wanted to believe it. With those few words, the Pink Ranger had shredded one of the cardinal team rules --- never acknowledge death.

Unlike the code of behavior Zordon had handed down on their first day, this rule went unspoken, acknowledged only in the way everyone followed it. To speak of it would have broken the rule itself, and the silence gave it a power and life all its own. They all adhered to it with a near ferocious tenacity as though by mentioning the possibility they would invite it. Even now, looking up at her from his hunched position, he half-expected a flash of horror or apology to cross her face as the magnitude of her action sank in … but it never came.

Instead she looked down at him almost complacently; a strange, enigmatic smile that was an incongruous mixture of sadness, triumph and desperation, marred a face he used to think of as beautiful; fingers digging too hard into her upper arms, the only real indication of her own personal hell.

"Please Jason." The plea came in a whisper, soft, apologetic, but no less resolved.

The Gold Ranger turned his head away in disgust --- disgust at her selfish need that trampled on everything, disgust with Billy for making a request that so unhinged her, disgust with the two of them for forcing him to close his eyes to something that shouldn't exist. Mostly though, he was disgusted with himself because he knew that if anything happened to his old friend, he would hold the woman standing in front of him responsible because she had grieved too early.

"Go."

Low and hoarse, the command was nearly unintelligible, and Kat, unsure she had really heard anything, stood dumbly in the middle of the room, only jerked out of her near trance, by the sharp gasp of air that told her Jason was fighting back tears. God, how had she sunk so low, verbally destroying her teammate like this?

"I --" She ventured uncertainly but just as quickly stopped. There was nothing she could apologize for, nothing she wanted to take back. She was so damned tired of everyone and their damn pretenses, all the careful effort not to let their world spin out of control.

"God dammit! Will you just leave?" No louder than before, Jason's words now had a near physical force to them. "Go home, go see him. Wake him up for all I care. Just … get … out."

The last three words fell like blows, propelling Kat backwards. Shutting her eyes to her handiwork, she turned on her heel and half walked, half ran out of the room.

- - - - - -

_To be continued._

Thank you for reading. As always, comments and criticisms are appreciated and welcomed.

Panache

P.S. Because of my rather sporadic posting habit, I decided that it would probably be a good idea to put together an update email alert for this fic. If you would like to be receive update notices please email me at


	15. Three Bright II

Disclaimer: Still someone else's sandbox … still play here because its fun.

Author's Note: To all who are still reading I thank you.

Timeline: This part takes place during Billy's aging, and two months after. Although I have made every attempt to stay within the basic structure of the episode, I have taken some artistic license. Anything after Billy's aging is nearly complete artistic license.

- + - + - + - + - + -

The infirmary was suffocatingly quiet. Silence wrapped the room, like a thick blanket, so tightly that even the quiet swoosh of doors closing behind her made Kat wince at their comparative loudness.

Normally overly bright, the room had been plunged into near darkness. The few backlit monitors on Billy's bed provided the only source of illumination, isolating him from the shadows like some kind of morbid sculpture.

From this distance, in the low light, it was easy to ignore the physical changes that had wracked his body. Reluctant to draw closer and acknowledge them, the Pink Ranger stood rooted in the doorway, only finally taking a step forward when the doors continued to open and close, and then only far enough to take herself out of the sensor's path.

"Hi." She whispered shakily, half hoping, half-afraid he would awaken at the sound of her voice.

The soft hum of the monitoring equipment was the only response.

When it became apparent that her voice wasn't the magic elixir that would cause him to regain consciousness, Kat released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. If Jason was telling the truth, and there was every reason to believe he was, Billy had explicitly asked not to see her. Despite all her certainty and bravado in facing down Jason, she didn't know what Billy would say if he woke up, and if it was 'get out' … she didn't think she could take that.

She didn't understand why, but something inside had told her to ignore the request, forced her. Only now, standing in the shadowy edges of the room she had fought so hard to enter, did she realize that she had no idea what she wanted to say.

"I know you told Jason that … um …" The words choked her, causing her voice to break. Finally, she forced them out. "That you didn't want to see me."

"I guess you can see that didn't stop me." She added with a forced chuckle that failed to mask the pain.

Silence.

"Don't blame Jason though … he really tried, but …"

She inhaled sharply at the thought of what she had done --- smashing everything keeping the Gold Ranger together with unflinching ruthlessness. Sometimes, when the ice-cold bitch she usually kept such a tight lock on got loose, she could wreak a kind of havoc that would have made Rita swoon with pride. It horrified her. Horrified her not simply because of what she was capable of, but because she couldn't blame it on any spell.

Why did she have to come out tonight? Why did Billy have to make her fight?

"God, why did you do that, you stupid …" Biting off the accusation before she called him something she'd regret, Kat turned her head away and continued through clenched teeth, "You had to know … you _had_ to know that I wouldn't just go away … Not without … Why did you make me do that!"

No answer was coming, but she waited anyway. Everything around her was crumbling --- the Zord bay, her teammates, her heart … an explanation didn't seem too much to ask. Even as she waited, she tried to explain it for him, tried to follow what could have made him wish her away. It might have been shame, embarrassment at how he had changed, the way he looked, his frailty … but no . . . He had been with her through those things, talked with her, joked about it in his own way.

"I thought that we were good." She whispered softly, and then amended the statement, "Well, not _good _good, but you know … managing … with the laughing and the whistle …"

It had been a good moment. One of the few truly good moments they'd had in a while. To say things had been stilted between them would have been an understatement. It had been a strange dance these last few weeks, giving each other space enough to sort things out. Seeing each other in groups, but somehow never alone. Meeting each other's eyes across the table and then just as quickly looking away. Wanting to say things but never finding the words. Oh yes, they'd given each other space, so much space they'd practically drowned in it.

Yet this afternoon they seemed to put all that behind them, and it had been so pleasant that she'd let herself ignore the seeming blasphemy of laughing about trivial things when what was happening was anything but trivial. But now, looking back, the moment was like a puzzle piece that didn't fit and had been forced into the picture …

_Oh God._

Shaking her head at her own naiveté, Kat managed a bitter smile as realization seeped in. "We weren't managing at all were we? You were saying goodbye. You knew even then … knew there was nothing …"

She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

"One last _happy_ memory for me to keep in my scrap book."

Angry now, she took a few trembling steps towards him. "God, I can't believe you'd do something like this, something so – so fake! That you'd really think I'd want something like that. How can you think so little of me? After everything we've been through? All the ugly things we've shared, we've said, even to each other, and you thought I'd want that sugar-coated fantasy!"

"All I've ever wanted from you was _you_, the real you. The Billy who thinks a Snickers is meal, who works too hard and sleeps too little. My Doctor who won't share anything unless its nearly beaten out of him, who never manages to hide his frustration when people need things dumbed-down, even though he tries really hard. I want my friend who thinks I'm not a replacement for anyone, and who would wear a pink mini-skirt if it meant helping the team. I want to be here with you through this, even if that means tears and pain."

She had been advancing during this diatribe, each step propelled forward by a desperate need to get through to him, heedless to the futility of the effort. Now she stood before him, up close and personal with the changes that she had avoided taking in. Grabbing his hand, she forced herself to look down and take in the reality she professed to want.

Soft but unforgiving, the green glow gave him sickly pallor and tinged his now white hair a faint neon green. The skin of his face had slackened, obscuring the strong chin that had always made him slightly self-conscious.

She wanted to say that through it all, he still looked like Billy, that she'd know him anywhere … but he didn't, and she wouldn't.

When he had asked half-jokingly whether she recognized him, she was able to answer in the affirmative only because his green eyes had still sparkled with that same combination of affection and perverse humor. They were closed now, obscuring her only point of reference. Slowly, her gaze traced the rest of him, searching for other remnants of her friend. Even the clothes were wrong. He hadn't worn black in ages, taking the color requirements as seriously as any assigned Ranger.

She felt sick, traitorous because she couldn't find him beneath superficial outside. Maybe she never should have come. Maybe she wasn't strong enough to do this, wasn't strong enough to see through the outer trappings she had always thought didn't matter.

Unwilling to admit defeat, she closed her eyes and expanded her perception of him, desperately seeking something to ground her. Strange and disheartening, it was a little like sifting through memories you never knew you had. All the little things you never consciously noticed but came to expect, to depend on. Nothing matched. If his subtle particular scent still lingered it was masked by the sickening combination of antiseptic and age. His breathing, thin and shallow, bore no resemblance to any of her memories, not the heavy pants after a particularly vigorous workout, not the deep controlled breathing that somehow helped him focus when working, and not the few ragged breaths against the back of her neck on prom night that still did something to her insides at their memory.

Most disconcerting however were his hands. For all his shyness and self-doubt, Billy's hands had been magnificent in a way she didn't think he realized. Confident, competent, whether flying across keyboard of a control panel, navigating the inner workings of a Zord, landing blow that should have missed, or even massaging anesthetic into a teammate's shoulder, his hands commanded respect, conveyed surety, even as a self-deprecating smile or shrug brushed it away. But now those beautiful, nimble, strong, passionate hands, were gone.

Dry and soft they felt nothing like she remembered. Folds of skin moved as her thumb stroked the top his hand, and she was thrown back to visiting her great-aunt as small child. Sitting beside the woman, who Kat had always thought must be older than God, she would run her fingers along the fleshly upper arm enthralled by the way the tissue-paper-thin skin moved with them.

She wasn't enthralled now. She was terrified. Looking for her friend, she could only find a stranger. No! There had to be something, some last bastion of familiarity.

Then she felt it, a tiny irregularity on the top of his hand. Holding her breath, she brushed her thumb back over the spot, just to make sure she wasn't imagining it. No, no there it was. Holding her thumb in place for fear it might disappear if she didn't, Kat slowly opened her eyes.

"There you are." She whispered reverently, running the tips of her finger along the edge of one his many scars, in particular the one she had given him when he first taught her to use the micro-welder.

"God, this must have hurt so much," She murmured, remembering how the skin had puffed up, red and raw. Then, remembering Billy's reaction, she smiled, "I didn't think you even knew some of the words you used. I couldn't believe you let me try again."

But he had. After cursing a blue-streak with words she was pretty sure belonged on the Rangers' don't list, he had walked them both down to the infirmary, patched up, reassured her that he had done worse to himself, and wiped away her tears. Then, after making a big show of putting on fire protection, he'd walked her back up, handed her the micro-welder and forced her to try again.

"You never let me run from anything do you? You always force me to be strong. That's one of the things I l-"

She broke off at that, realizing her statement wasn't quite accurate. He had let her run from one very particular thing. He had let her run from him.

Suddenly she knew everything she wanted to say. All the questions she couldn't answer out on the balcony that night, she now could, and she had to let him know. Twining her fingers between his, she ignored how fragile and clumsy the usually nimble hand felt in hers, and lifted it so that the back, the recognizable portion of him, rested against her cheek. Closing her eyes, so she wouldn't have to see the stranger before her, she conjured the rest of him from memory.

"That's one of the things I love about you. I'm stronger when you're around. Sometimes it's because you make me so crazy that I can't help it, sometimes it's because I'm afraid of disappointing you. Mostly though it's just the way you look at me. It's like you see this other Kat I didn't even know was there."

She was smiling now. Even as a few tears escaped down her cheeks, she couldn't help but smile at the memories, at the joy of finally having the courage to say things that should have been said long ago. "I love the way you're confused for thirty minutes after you wake up, the way you carefully file your notes but toss your laundry on the floor, the way you think things like a good patch job or an elegant equation are beautiful. I love that you make me feel more beautiful than either of them."

Shaking his hand a little, she whispered, "Am I getting through to you, Doctor? You're stubborn and closed, and you've got a real talent for shutting people out … and I love that too. You wouldn't be you without it."

"I know I've got really horrible timing, that I should have said all this before, but … I didn't know … isn't that funny?" Her voice broke, betraying that she didn't find it funny at all, "I always know what you're thinking and you always know what I'm thinking, but not this time … "

This they'd gotten caught up in the words, tangled up in the mental labels they'd put on things, and all the rules that went with them. Friends, even best-friends, had certain boundaries of decorum, certain levels of expectation regarding their conduct, especially when one was involved with someone else. Those stupid rules they'd made fun of, pushed each other to ignore, and all the time they'd been shielding themselves with those same rules.

God, they had been so stupid … _she_ had been so stupid.

"You should know, that night, out on the balcony …" Kat swallowed hard, forcing back the tears, "I was scared. It just seemed so sudden, and Tommy was inside, but … I wouldn't have pulled away …"

No she wouldn't have pulled away. In fact, a part of her had been secretly willing him to cross that line, to be brave enough to irrevocably change their relationship. Now there was a chance they'd never cross it; their relationship would stop here, never getting its chance to be redefined.

Unless …

Unless she was the one brave enough to redefine it. If something happened, if this wasn't like every other challenge they'd faced, she wanted this additional claim. She wanted to be able to say that they had been something more to each other, even if it was only whispered to herself.

Not giving herself anytime to lose courage, Kat leaned in, kissing one cheek and then the other, each time letting her lips draw closer to his until finally they met.

Well, it wouldn't go down in any storybooks. The prince didn't wake up or magically transform. His slightly chapped lips remained unresponsive against hers, and she heard no music. But she felt changed, different, and she imagined that he would too, imagined that she had marked him somehow, that perhaps he would taste her cherry flavored lip balm and know.

Shifting so that her cheek rested against his, her lips brushing his ear, she whispered, "That's my answer, okay? Just wake up, and we'll figure everything else out. Please, just come back to me. I don't care about anything else."

She stayed that way, for how long she didn't know, taking comfort in the soft barely audible breath against her ear.

Something in her acknowledged the soft swish of the infirmary doors as they slid open, acknowledged the solid, stalwart form of Jason standing in the opening. That same part of her, knew that she should move, that this tableaux was inappropriate and she should be embarrassed or at the very least concerned at how he would take it. But she felt nothing.

Nothing in her cared anymore.

Keeping Billy with her was the only thing that mattered, and if she moved, if she looked up for just a moment, he might slip away.

To his credit, whatever Jason might have thought, he made no move to intrude, as though understanding how little his opinion mattered at this moment. Even while resenting his presence, Kat appreciated the gesture of respect, this tacit acknowledgment that whatever this might be it was far more complicated that the limited scope of his view.

Still he had come with a purpose and that was not to be put aside.

"Kat." He spoke her name softly, more of a warning that he could not let the moment go on much longer than a demand for acknowledgement.

"Go away." It was growled in a half command, half plea, but there was no real hope behind it.

"I'm sorry."

And the miracle of it was that he truly was; she could hear it in his voice. For that alone she forgave the intrusion, and resolved not to take out anymore of her anger on him. Kissing Billy's cheek and then the palm of his hand, she straightened and turned to face Jason.

"Okay."

She had been afraid that he'd search her face for answers to questions he didn't have a right to ask, but Jason instead looked past her to the inert form of his friend.

"How is he?"

"No change." The words sounded abrupt, impersonal to her own ears, but it was all she could manage and still hold together.

Jason's response was equally abrupt, a curt nod of acknowledgement, his gaze never wavering from the man behind her. "There's a problem."

"Mondo."

"Yeah. Zordon's contacting the others, you can meet them there."

Even as her heart screamed that she wouldn't be missed, her feet were already carrying her out of the infirmary. As she passed by Jason, he touched her arm, and she turned.

"I'll take care of him. He won't be alone"

The promise drew her up short, not for the promise itself, but the acknowledgement that was wrapped within it—that she was the one to whom he should be making that promise. For long moment they said nothing, and then she managed the only thing she could say, "Thank you."

Released by the knowledge that Jason would be there, Kat took back off down the hall, her legs speeding to a run as the Ranger in her took over completely.

- + - + - + - + - + -

The day was uncommonly still. Acquitar's almost constant breeze had quieted, turning the immense ocean that covered the planet's surface to glass.

It was a beautiful sight, the dark blue expanse broken only by the purple-gray spires of rock that extended up to the sky like fingers reaching out to touch the stars that would appear once the brilliant pink of Novara's first set had darkened into the purple-blue that was colloquially referred to as "tash," or rest, though Billy truly preferred the proper name of _Tashal Novara_, which roughly translated to the Novara's repose or nap.

Nevertheless, whatever one called this time of the day, it was a truly beautiful time, and were he someone else he might have appreciated it. But instead Billy sat leaning against the rock face, his eyes resolutely fixed on the sky waiting for the first glimpse of stars. It had taken weeks to build up his strength for the climb up here, and the first time he had done so he'd had to stay for the entire tash until he regained his strength. But he had not missed a first set since.

This was the only time to see the three stars that pointed to Earth … to her.

His logical self argued that this just made everything harder, this daily pilgrimage to think of her, to remember the curve of her neck, the feel of her skin, that full-bellied laugh no one else got to hear. To gaze at the stars he had once pointed out to her and wonder if she gazed at them too. If he stayed below, where he couldn't see the stars at all, where he had more to explore and discover than one lifetime would allow, it would be better, less painful and maybe this final part of him could heal.

But he'd never been logical where Kat was concerned.

So as darkness fell, his eyes sought the three bright stars that pointed the way, smiling as they came into view.

"Hello." He whispered. "I missed you."

It was getting harder with every passing day to find things to occupy his time, to take up the space between one pilgrimage and the next. Each day it seemed to take a little longer to come, to extend a little farther out of his reach. Gone were the painful boughts of healing that followed every treatment with the water. Gone were the first giddy days of being back in this entrancing, foreign world. All that remained was this and Cestria.

The corners of his mouth twitched at the thought of the one person who made this whole whatever it was easier. Cestria who had taken every diagnostic, tracked every inch of his progress with an intensity that almost scared him … did scare him a little actually, though he knew that she attacked everything in life with that same intensity. Others looked out over this landscape and saw beauty, Cestria saw spires she had yet to climb. Where Billy was content to have whole realms of knowledge with which he would never have more than a passing familiarity, Cestria studied Aquitar's mythic ballads the same way she studied its biology. It might have been annoying if it weren't for the serenity that she radiated with each new project. He was watching her pray; he knew that. Each attempt at accomplishment whether a triumphant success or a dismal failure was a form of active worship, an offering of this piece of her life to her patron god.

He remembered the first time he had cursed when nothing in his body seemed to obey a single command, and he had fallen three times in his attempt to cross the room. Cestria had looked at him, her head tilted in that odd way that conveyed puzzlement without words. "Why do you speak with such anger?"

"Because …" He glared at her in frustration, self-loathing lacing his voice with ice. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm on the floor. These …" His fists thawked ineffectually at his useless legs, "don't work. I can't _do_ anything. Dammit! I'm broken!"

"It will come. It is not the result that is important to Kantro. It is the attempt."

"Kantro should try having my body for a day."

"He has."

"Don't tell me," He growled, "he's with me now."

It had been meant as an insult, a way to cut off the theology lecture, but Cestria had simply smiled. "You are beginning to understand."

He didn't really, but he hadn't been about to tell her that. Cestria had endless patience when it came to explaining things to him, and it far outlasted his own. Still she made him smile, and even when she was infuriating she was a welcome distraction. Sometimes when he was around her, answering her seemingly bottomless questions about Earth, or listening to the soft lilt of her voice as she sang one of those completely incomprehensible ancient ballads of hers that sounded like a cross between new age classical, Gregorian chant, and sea shanties, he could close his eyes and forget, forget why he was here, forget listening to Jason his heart sinking in his chest.

- + - + - + - + - + -

"She loves you, you know."

Jason's soft words jerked Billy out of the half conscious state he had been floating in for what seemed like hours, but could have been seconds. Now though he was fully awake, his breath quickening against his will. Cautiously, he half-opened his eyes trying keep himself from appearing to be fully awake in case Jason was standing over him.

The Gold Ranger stood across the room, his back turned. Staring blankly at one of the cabinets marked bandages

"Kat …" He added the name in clarification Billy didn't really need. "She loves you."

Each word was spoken slowly, deliberately, and fell like a death knell, final and prophetic, reverberating in the following silence. He should feel happy, Billy realized. He should feel ecstatic . . . but all he felt was empty. These words were supposed to be full of promise, supposed to be the beginning of something, but they weren't. Twisted from Jason's mouth they scolded, like a dark shameful secret had been revealed.

But it hadn't. Lying here in this wretched body that wasn't his, even the idea of Kat loving him now felt like pity, crumbs of comfort for the dying man. There was no truth to it, no reality to look forward to on the other side.

"When she showed up . . . and then forced her way in here . . ."

_She what? _Billy felt stunned, the air was thinning out and he couldn't breathe in the aftermath of the revelation.

"I thought at first, I don't know . . ."

_You weren't supposed to let her in! _He wanted to cry out in anger, wanted to rouse himself, but his body felt like lead. He had begged Jason, pleaded with him, of all people not to let in, Kat was the one, the one person who had to be kept as far away as possible.

Jason shook his head, negating whatever he had been about to say. "No, I knew. I didn't want to, but I did. I guess I've really known since the day I came back."

Billy wasn't listening. His mind had fragmented, spinning in a thousand different directions. He had known this was how she would react, offering this false love because she thought that was what should be done for someone who was dying. You made their dreams come true.

"I didn't really let myself think about it much, but it was all there—how intense she was watching over you, the way you interacted, the look on your face when you told me to back off the Trini comparison …"

It was beautiful and poetic, this revelation to a form so unbeautiful that it had to mean a love of the soul. It was beautiful and poetic, and utterly false. But the great horror was Kat had probably managed to make herself believe it, and if he recovered, she would make herself go on believing it.

"You were in love even then, weren't you?"

Yes, he'd been in love with her. Maybe since she first tried to attack him in the Zord bay, and it was because of that he hadn't wanted her to see him like this, hadn't wanted her to feel obligated.

"So, here's what I don't get . . . You practically threatened Tommy into asking Kat out. Why?"

_Because it made her happy. Because I was too scared to do it myself._

"You know what," Jason shook his head in disgust, "I don't care. It doesn't matter. He loves her. You know that don't you? Somewhere along the way, he fell in love with her, just as much as he ever loved Kim. It's going to break him, finding out."

Billy tried to rise, tried to make a sound. He knew that if he appeared to start to come awake, Jason would stop, and he desperately wanted him to. The Gold Ranger spoke with such certainty that he had started to fan the small flicker of hope deep inside, and just as quickly doused it with ice cold reality. It was too painful. The idea of what would happen at the expense of his happiness pressed his chest like so many hundred pound weights, and he wanted it all to stop.

Still Jason pressed on, unrealizing, "You set him up for that, the two of you."

_No! We never meant . . . _Even as a he struggled to protest, Billy felt the terrible numbness that he started to know heralded another spell of aging, begin to wash over him.

"Maybe you didn't know at first, but at some point you did. You had to. Something like that doesn't stay hidden. If nothing else you knew, you would always come first to her. Anyone can see that. But the two of you just kept letting him string along, letting him fall harder. And he never had a chance did he? It's gonna tear him apart."

The pain was coming now in waves, small, ignorable, but progressively intensifying. Billy clung to consciousness, struggling to hear Jason's words.

The Gold Ranger stood staring at the supply cabinet, as though it showed him the future, and whispered regretfully, "It's gonna tear us apart."

Those whispered words were the last Billy heard before the pain took over, wracking his body, shutting down his mind. He didn't hear the bed alarm finally go off, didn't see Jason rush over to his side, didn't feel the syringe plunge into his the side of his arm to slow the seizure. Oblivion had set it in, transporting him someplace else, so that he also didn't see Jason's tears, didn't feel the strong hands grip his shoulders, or hear the whispered words.

"You are so damn lucky that you've got her. You hear me? Maybe it's going to tear us apart, but we'll mend." Jason shook his friend's limp body a little, "If I had even half of what you've got, I'd claw my way back from hell and damn the consequences. So you get back here. You need a will to fight this thing? She's tall and blonde, and packs one hell of a punch, and loves you probably more than one person deserves. So get your ass back here, and sort this thing out. Because you might break us, but losing you will destroy her."

- + - + - + - + - + -

Comments and Criticisms always appreciated.

Panache


	16. Confrontations I

Disclaimer: Still someone else's sandbox … still play here because its fun.

Author's Note: Hey I'm still writing. If you're still reading that makes you one of my favorite people.

**- + - + - + - + - + - **

Swaying a little as her feet once again connected with ground, Kat struggled to regain her equilibrium, disconcerted by the sudden shift from the cold solid floor of the Command Center to the soft warm carpet of her room. Reaching out blindly, her hand closed around her chair back, and she slumped against the desk.

It had been a long damn night. Even though she and Alpha had moved from repairs to upgrades, which were far less pressing, she seemed to have inherited Billy's never put off until tomorrow what you can do tonight if you sacrifice a few more hours of sleep mentality. Unfortunately once an upgrade got to a certain point there was no turning back, it had to be completed or the Zord would be left unprotected. Even more unfortunately she hadn't realized how complicated the upgrade they were attempting was until well past that point. By the time they were done, she felt like the walking dead.

She had stayed perched on her desk for a long time, and the relief of simply having some kind of support was being to fade. Every bruise stood out in sharp relief, and her muscles had taken on the shaky, bone-deep ache that came with too little sleep. All she wanted was to manage the few steps from her desk to the edge of her bed and tumble face down onto her pillow. Giving her body a little pep-talk and praying that it was once again under her control, she stood and opened her eyes.

And promptly stumbled back against the desk, slamming her lower back into the edge. Exclaiming in pain, she laughed nervously, "God! Tan-? wha-?"

The Yellow Ranger sat, unlaughing, on the edge of the bed, looking thoroughly nonplussed. Even at Kat's yelp of pain, she made no move, gave no indication of concern. Calming down a little Kat looked at her expectantly, but still Tanya said nothing, simply continued to look forward, her gaze steady, unwavering.

Finally after an awkward, too long, silence, she spoke. "We don't live together anymore."

Well, that demonstrated a mastery of the obvious, but Kat bit her tongue. Tanya didn't look ready to laugh at much of anything, and the way her own temper was going one little misplaced comment might be like throwing a match on gasoline. So instead she simply perched on the desk and stared right back, waiting.

Apparently satisfied she had her counterpart's attention, Tanya continued, "So it would be a lot easier for me to cover for you with your parents if you'd give me a little heads up when you decide to go work yourself to death in the Zord bay."

Kat started to protest, "I wasn't--"

But Tanya cut her off sharply. "Oh come on. What are you going to tell me? That you've found a great grunge rock club and you just can't stay away?" She gestured scornfully at Kat's work clothes. "Don't insult me. You've been working every night for weeks."

"So what if I am?" Kat muttered, her eyes shifting to the floor.

"So wha-? So wha-?" Tanya repeated the words as though trying to convince herself that she hadn't just heard them. "You're running yourself into the ground is so what!"

God, she didn't need this. She didn't need someone coming in to her life, with no concept of what that was anymore, and tell her how it should be lived, particularly when she didn't know how herself. All she wanted was to get rid of Tanya as quickly as possible, so she could sleep. Already a part of her was back in the Zord bay surveying schematics and making to do lists for tomorrow, and the rest of her wanted to be in bed.

"Look Tan," She sighed, rubbing her temples, "You're right. I've been working pretty hard, so if you don't mind all I really wanted to do right now is get some rest. We can talk about this later, okay?"

"Are you going tomorrow?" Okay this was getting irritating. It felt too much like a parent asking if she intended to keep seeing a boy they didn't approve of.

"There's still a lot of work to do." She replied, and hoping to cut this conversation off once and for all, moved towards the bathroom beginning to undress.

"No there isn't."

The words froze her in the doorway to the bathroom, her tank top already off and her jeans unbuttoned. Oblivious to her state of undress, Kat spun on her heal to stare at her friend, convinced she couldn't have just heard correctly. It was too much of a confirmation that Billy had truly been as unappreciated as he'd feared. How many times had she told him that what he did was important, necessary, that the team knew the sacrifices he'd made. Now here sat her best friend placidly staring back at her, seemingly unaware that with the blasphemy she had just uttered, she proved Kat the liar. It was too much.

"What?" She wanted to roar, but the words came out as a breathy, disbelieving, croak. Tanya's words had knocked all the air out and she still couldn't catch her breath.

"I said—no there isn't a lot of work to do." Tanya enunciated each word slowly, carefully as though speaking to a small child, it rankled.

"I know what you said," Kat snapped, "I just can't believe you said it."

"Why not? It's true. You've been working yourself into the ground, as though your holding everything together by the barest of threads, but you're not . . ."

"What the hell do you know! When was the last time you picked up a micro-welder, or pliers, or even a wrench? When was the last time you laid a hand on those Zords that wasn't in battle?"

Tanya said nothing. Usually talkative to fault, the Yellow Ranger seemed strangely determined to remain quiet. Kat missed the set of her friend's jaw, the clenching of her hands on the comforter as she struggled not to say things that couldn't be taken back, instead her silence only served to inflame Kat further.

"God! You're just like all the others! No wonder Billy thought none of you appreciated him. You think the Zords repair themselves, all their systems just update naturally. He's been gone three months, and all of you just carry on. Not one of you has stopped to think to wonder why everything just keeps going on the same as it was. We didn't even try to figure out how we were going to fill Billy's shoes. Did we? Did we!"

She didn't wait for Tanya's response, which wouldn't have come anyway. Words were pouring out of her beyond her control. All the resentment she felt at everyone for continuing to go on with their lives, when hers had stopped; at herself for not being brave enough to call out to Billy when she had the chance, at Billy for leaving her alone here, it flowed through her, honing her words, sharpening them into weapons. She liked the way they cut in her throat as she hurled them at her friend. It had been so long it seemed. So long since there was any kind of real emotion, and whatever this pain was, it was true.

"We were all _so_ happy for him when he left, weren't we?"

"That's not …" Tanya began to interject, but Kat cut her off.

"Of course we were. He's happy with Cestria, so that makes it easy. Easy for us to be relieved that he won't be around anymore, won't be making us uncomfortable with his refusal to be cheery. Won't keep reminding us what he's sacrificed."

"Stop it." The Yellow Ranger's voice was hard, tight, strained against emotions that were fighting for release.

"Stop what?" Kat scoffed, half taunting half accusing. "Stop remembering him? Stop caring that he's gone? Just what am I supposed to stop, Tan?"

She was planning to go on, to keep pushing, but at that moment her friend looked over at her, not with anger or guilt, but with pity, and all her words died in her throat.

Finally Tanya spoke, far more softly, but with no less conviction than before.

"Stop pretending that you weren't the reason he left."

- + - + - + - + - + -

"Man, we should have done this a long time ago." Tommy breathed with a sigh of relief as he hopped up on the hood of Jason's old convertible. God it was beautiful out here. The great black of the sky stretched out along the expanse of desert and it seemed to go on forever, like if they got into the car and drove they could just go on driving, just keep driving until … well until they felt like stopping.

"Yeah," Jason agreed coming around to lean against the front grill. "Here."

"Thanks." Tommy took the proffered bottle instinctively, and then registering its strange contours stared down at it and then back up at Jason.

Feeling his scrutiny the Gold Ranger, who was just putting the bottle opener on his Swiss Army knife to the cap, looked up in concern. "I've got other stuff in the trunk . . . There's soda and I think some water . . ." He pushed away from the hood.

"No." Tommy found himself saying the word before he had even realized he'd made a decision. "No, this is fine."

"You sure?" Jason asked again. "I didn't think, you know. It's legal over in Europe . . ."

The cool glass rested against his hand. This was what normal teenagers did. They sat around with their friends, and they had a beer or maybe ten. They didn't think about being clear headed for a fight or setting an example. And who the hell was he setting an example for anyway? All the way out here, there was nobody. Nobody to follow him, to look to him for guidance. Nobody blaming him for all their problems or counting on him to solve their difficulties because that was a leader did. Out here, there was just the black the dirt, and Jason, and none of them needed him to lead them to a better way. Out here he was just a guy.

And dammit if he wasn't going to just be a guy having a beer with his friend!

"Yeah, no, it's fine . . . Hey gimme that." Reaching out he took the bottle-opener from Jason and popped off the top. The little metal cap clinked lightly against the front bumper as it fell. It was a satisfying little clink, like freedom, like cell doors opening or chains falling away. Leaning forward, he took a swig and stared out over the desert.

"I should have done this a long time ago."

- + - + - + - + - + -

Billy was aware of the figure behind him, trying to stand so quietly and failing so miserably. In fact he had heard her coming up the path. Despite having amazing perceptions in the water due vibrations and tiny differences in movement that he'd never be able to discern, Aquatians were not naturally quiet on land, being unable to judge for themselves the amount of noise they were making. Even now as she stood behind him trying so hard not to move a muscle, she made a low humming noise in the back of her throat, no doubt trying to suppress one of her many burning questions. Finally, it did not seem it could be contained any longer.

"You come up here every _Tashal Novara_."

He turned towards the soft, lilting voice with a smile enjoying the multi-layered harmony her voice gave to the word's full pronunciation. Cestria stood just at the point were the path flattened out into the ledge; her body still hidden in the shadows, she waited for permission to enter his world.

"Yes." He responded, gesturing with his hand by way of invitation.

After a pause, she came up to stand beside him and looked down. "It is a pattern."

"Yes it is." He sighed despondently.

"But it does not bring you joy."

Billy shifted his gaze back to the sky, back to the trio of diamond-like stars he could now find on instinct. If he looked just past them, into the black open space between them, he could see her, the way she had peered so intently at where his hand directed her eyes, the soft breath of satisfaction she released at knowing this about him. He used to wonder if, to dream that, she looked for those same stars now, but long ago he stopped wondering.

"No," he shook his head sadly, ". . . it does not bring me joy."

Cestria lowered herself to kneel beside him, tucking her feet beneath her in a way that was reminiscent of Trini's yoga poses. "Yet, you continue to come."

His laugh was dry and humorless. "Yet, I continue to come."

She looked at him for a long moment, not asking him to return her gaze, not daring him to do anything, simply . . . looking. Finally, she let her eyes slide out to the night. Tracking the direction of his gaze, she murmured, "_Novara_ is becoming stronger, she no longer needs so long a _Tashal_."

"I don't stay up here the whole time any way."

"Billy . . ." His name always sounded like music in her voice, so many layered harmonies, but today the strains were sad.

Her fingers were cool against the nape of his neck, stroking lightly in that way that caused him so much confusion. This gesture, so intimate in human culture, had too many meanings on her world, depending on the pressure, the rhythms, or the tempo. It was for strangers, and siblings, and lovers all at once, and he was never sure which it was with her.

"Billy," She started again, softly, regretfully, "_Novara_ will no longer take her _Tashal_ at all in a few more cycles."

He whipped his head around to stare at her, sitting there so quietly after dropping that little bombshell, her fingers still as she measure his reaction. Even as he willed it to be some cruel joke Cestria would never play, his mind was already scanning through its database of information to confirm what she said. _Novara _would cease to take her first set, and this time, this opportunity to imagine home, to be near her in his own way, would cease to exist. God, how could he have been so stupid as to forget!

Cestria's hand dropped to her lap. "So this does bring you something."

The words were ones of confirmation. She had the answer to a question she never really needed to ask.

"Yes."

"What?" She whispered, her gaze traveling back to the stars as though she might be able to see it too. "What does this bring you Billy?"

He paused, realizing that this was actually Cestria's first question of the night. Up until now everything had been a statement, a declaration that she knew what was going on inside him. Now, as he looked at her in the soft purple-blue light, he could see the tension on her features as she waited to learn something new.

Trailing his eyes across the stars, he searched for an answer and found none. "I don't know."

"But you will not be able to find it when _Novara_ ceases to rest?"

"No." The word was strangled, choking him a little with its truth.

"I see." Cestria dropped her head to stare at her hands spread flat across her knees. She stayed that way for a long time, and Billy found his eyes drawn to those long elegant fingers. Aquatian hands were longer, with webbing coming up to the first knuckle and the rest of the finger left free to provide them all the dexterity of a human hand. These hands had bathed him, feed him, steadied him. They had played yamawah to pass the time and built a breathing apparatus so they could explore the oceans together. So why didn't he find these hands beautiful?

"Kantro is angry with me."

The words were so soft after such a long silence, that Billy almost didn't catch them.

"Wha-? Why?" He sputtered, trying to navigate his mind along this hairpin turn of thought.

"Because I am . . ." She muttered something foreign and unintelligible he didn't recognize. "I have not changed, and I have not tried to change anything else because I cannot . . ." A little keen of frustration escaped her as she struggled to express herself. "I am . . . stuck."

"No." Billy shook his head in rejection of the idea. "No, you brainstormed all today about where to take your research next. There are about seventeen good ideas up on that board back there."

"Not here." She murmured, touching fingertips to temple. "But here," she thumped fist just below her breast. Turning to look at him she repeated the gesture, harder this time, "I am stuck _here_."

It was the closest he had ever come to seeing her cry, and all he wanted to do was make it stop. She was his rock in this, calm and unflappable. Reaching out blindly, he closed his hand around her fist, desperate to make her stop. The gesture seemed to calm her a little, and he let her bring his hand in to cradle it lightly against her body. But even as he did so, Billy's eyes widened at the realization that the spot she seemed so intent on abusing was the resting place of her Acquatian heart.

How had this happened? How had he let this happen?

"Oh God, Cestria I never . . ." He fumbled for words, but she cut him off.

"I know."

"I've always been completely honest with you, about why I wanted to stay, about Kat, about everything."

"Yes you have."

"But you still . . ."

"I had . . ." Her lips pressed together in a sad little smile as she cast about for the right word, "hoped."

She shrugged slightly and Billy found himself drawn to the resigned tilt of her head. Yes he knew something about hope. Reaching out with his other hand he traced the curve of her face. "I am _so_ sorry."

"So am I." Cestria mirrored his gesture, trailing thin ephemeral fingers along the lines of his mouth. "Are you sure you will not be able to find what you are looking for when Novara ceases to rest?"

"I . . ." Billy's voice trailed off as her fingers brushed against his newly acquired crow's-feet. Maybe it was the feeling of her touch on features Kat had never known, maybe it was the earnestness of her question, the recognition of his own pain in her eyes, maybe it was a desire to simply find out if his pain could end for just a moment. He didn't know what compelled him to do what he did next. All he knew was he didn't know the answer to her question, and he owed it to both of them to find out.

Fingers came to rest on the nape of her neck, as he returned her familiar gesture for the first time. With his other hand still clasped around hers he tilted her mouth up to his, whispering the answer against her lips.

"I don't know."

- + - + - + - + - + -

Yes, I know its short, but it seemed such a great place to end this part.

Panache


	17. Confrontations II

Disclaimer: Still someone else's sandbox … still play here because its fun.

Author's Note: Well, one thing you can say for me. When I have a chance I do write.

**- + - + - + - + - + -**

"_Stop pretending you weren't the reason he left."_

Tanya grimaced inwardly as Kat's features crumpled at her words. Damn this sucked! She didn't want to be here, didn't want to be the one saying these things, but she'd been watching her best friend over these past few weeks, and she didn't like what she saw. The Kat she knew was disappearing, fading away. It was slow, so slow in fact that she wasn't surprised Tommy had made no mention of it. If she'd been around she probably wouldn't have noticed it either; it was the kind of change that crept over you. But she'd been gone most of the summer, busy with her own life, wading in her own good fortune. And when she'd shown up for school on the first day, still floating on the waves of her parent's presence and Adam's love, the changes in her friend had hit like a sack of cement, sinking her with its weight.

Kat looked like hell. Not outwardly, not on the surface, she'd been very careful to ensure that all the superficial pieces were in place. She was still pretty, still smiled at all the right moments, but that smile never reached her eyes, the meticulous care in her appearance was worn like a shelter like the real Kat hid beneath it. She no longer sparkled, no longer shone.

It had been that moment when Tanya knew that she had to intervene. She'd known it instinctively, known that nothing short of an emotional punch to the gut would pull her best friend off this self-destructive downslide. Known it in the same way she knew that this had something to do with Billy.

What she didn't know was what to do about it, so she'd waited, stupidly and selfishly. She'd waited because she was scared. She'd waited until it was obvious she couldn't wait any longer.

But she still didn't know what to do. Sitting here in this room, listening to her friend lash out with so much anger, so much desperate pain . . . she'd had no idea what to do. So she did the only thing she could think of and laid all her cards on the table.

And questioned the wisdom of that choice the moment the words out of her mouth. It wasn't a punch to the gut; it was a gunshot.

Kat crumpled, that was the only word for it. Whatever had been keeping her going left in a great rush, leaving her weak and defeatedin its wake.

"Oh God." She caught hold of the door frame supporting herself against it. Her voice cracked as another explosive little cry left her and she sank to the ground. "Oh God, Tan . . ."

As horrible as it was to witness, Tanya found herself grateful for Kat's reaction because it gave her something to do. Coming off the bed, she knelt down beside her friend's defeated form and gently gathered the Pink Ranger into her arms.

"Hey . . ."

Kat clung to her, her breath coming in desperate little gasps. "I miss him so much Tan."

"I know sweetie. I know." And the crazy thing was, she did. The day Billy had called to say that he was staying, and everyonehad beenfalling over themselves to congratulate him, Tanya had ventured a glance over at her friend . . . and that vague undefined notion she'd had in the mall suddenly stood out in sharp relief, given contours by how Kat eyes desperately clung to viewing globe searching for any sign, any acknowledgement, given depth by the strange quality in Billy's voice, as though reciting from memory, by the way his gaze remained unfocused never coming to rest on any particular team member.

Yes, she'd known in that instant, and her strangeintuition had been just as depressingly right as it always was—she desperately wished she didn't. And maybe it had been selfish and maybe it had been weak, but it had also been easy to convince herself that she didn't know. After all, she was the unperceptive one, the one who bulldozed over people's feelings with all the subtlety of a mack truck, and no one else knew, so why should she?

Except she had. She had and she'd turned a blind eye. So this was her responsibility now. This was her mess to clean up.

It would of course help to know how.

"Do you . . . do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Kat hiccupped.

No of course she didn't want to talk about it. That was a stupid question. In fact all the other questions that occurred to her seemed stupid. So she simply rocked her friend a little, just trying to offer what comfort she could.

"This wasn't what was supposed to happen." Kat started again. "Not after . . ." She trailed off her words devolving into sobs.

"Shh, shh."

"And he left! He just left! Because he finally found someone he _relates_ to? What about us? What about me? Didn't he relate to _me_!"

"Oh, honey . . ."

"Well, I don't care! I don't care why he left. Whether it was because of me or her . . ." Her voice went hard at the last word and she sat up. "I don't care. He left without saying goodbye. He couldn't be bothered so . . . that's it I'm done hurting. I am _done_ hurting."

"Good for you." Tanya murmured brushing away a few of the errant strands that hung in her friend's face. It was a poor lie and Kat knew it as well as she did, but she liked the way it squared her friend's shoulders, and perhaps if it was told often enough sooner or later it might be true.

The pink ranger smiled wanly and laid her head down on her counterpart's shoulder, "So how do I do that?"

"Well . . ." Kissing her lightly on the forehead, Tanya thought for a moment. "You start by going to bed and getting some rest. Tomorrow the sun will rise and you'll get up and you'll go to school . . ."

"Like that's worked so far."

"But tomorrow when things get bad or you start to hurt, you'll come interrupt my softball practice or my voice lessons or if I get really really lucky pre-cal." That earned her a small laugh. "And I'll be there, so you're not doing this alone. Then eventually you won't come as often because it won't hurt as much, and I'll stop having to make up so many lame stories to cover with your parents."

"Not the Zords, Tan. I meant what I said. They don't repair themselves." There was a warning in Kat's voice.

"No. I guess they don't." Tanya exhaled in preparation for diving head long back into this. "But I meant what I said, too. Eventually, you'll stop needing to be there, so you won't create as much work for yourself. And someday, maybe, you'll stop needing to keep this private vigil that won't bring him back, and when you do you'll pick up the phone or hit your communicator and I'll come and I'll pick up that wrench I've never touched and you'll show me what I can do to help."

"You're already doing it."

"Well, I should have done it a long time ago."

- + - + - + - + - + -

Tommy spat out his beer and looked over at Jason in disbelief. "She danced on a bar!"

Jason laughed enjoying Tommy's reaction. "Oh yeah she danced."

"Trini!"

"Well, Trini after a couple of beers, three shots of tequila, and Zack betting her fifty bucks. I swear that man can get her to do anything."

"So . . . um . . ." He could see Tommy was experiencing a moral dilemma, but finally the damn burst and the Red Ranger blurted out, "How was it?"

"Zack still calls it the best damn fifty bucks he ever spent. He's offered her a hundred if she'll do it again and let him bring a camera."

Tommy let out a low whistle. "I think I'd help him out with that."

"You and me both man. You and me both . . ."

Something must have crept into his voice because look Tommy cast him was penetrating. "You and Trini . . ."

Reading the question in his friend's eyes, Jason shook his head. "No . . . never happened."

"But you wish it had."

It wasn't a question, so Jason didn't answer it. Instead he simply took another swig of beer and stared out over the desert. He did not come out here to have his own non-existent personal life dissected. Truth was he didn't know anymore what he wished. All through his time in Europe he'd been thinking of Trini as Billy's, except apparently nobody had bothered to inform the Blue Ranger of that. Nor, the more he thought about it, had anyone informed Trini because she certainly hadn't acted claimed, in fact he could count at least three guys she'd demonstrated her unclaimed status with since they'd been in Europe.

So why hadn't one of them been him?

No. Jason shook his head. He was not going down this road. He had Emily. He was back where he belonged and Trini was where she belonged. He was not going down this road.

"Wishes and horses." Jason muttered under his breath continuing to ignore the overly appraising look he was getting from Tommy.

"Sure," Tommy nodded with a smile, "horses . . ."

They lapsed into what started out as a rather awkward silence, but as the minutes ticked by, Tommy's whole body started to shake with laughter, and Jason felt himself begin to chuckle as well.

"Dancing . . ."

"On a bar . . ."

"There's gotta be pictures . . ." Tommy pleaded.

"Believe me I asked everyone . . ."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

Their laughter finally died down to the occasional chuckle, and Tommy smiled over at him, tipping his bottle in salute, "To dancing."

Jason held up his in response. "To tequila."

"You know we should really give credit where credit is due." Raising his bottle high above his head Tommy yelled at the top his lungs. "To Zack!"

"To Zack!" Jason shouted, following suit, and as one they knocked back what was left of their drinks.

"Damn that felt good." Tommy leaned back on the hood, "You know we should do this again soon."

_Shit._ Jason mentally cursed. He couldn't do this. He'd come out here with a plan. He'd come out here with beer, all the courage he'd been building up over the summer, and every intention of getting Tommy to talk about what was going on with Kat or talking at him about it. But there was such an open and carefree light to his friend's face. He hadn't seen the Ranger's leader look so relaxed since, well since _he _was the leader. He couldn't ruin this for Tommy, not tonight.

Sighing, Jason reached behind him and grabbed another bottle. "Yeah, we definitely need to do this again."

- + - + - + - + - + -

Cestria pressed her lips together trying to keep the feel of him with her. She wanted to remember this, wanted to be able recall every exquisite detail, the scent of him, the feel his hands on her skin, the weight of his forehead as it rested against hers. If she kept her eyes closed, if she didn't move hands, she could freeze this moment.

But this would be her only moment. There were none beyond this, and she could not stay in this one forever, because whether he knew it or not he had answered her question with his kiss.

Inhaling softly, she pulled away just far enough to meet his eyes desperately searching for some sign that she was wrong. "That was not . . . right, was it?"

The corners of Billy's mouth turned up in a small sad smile, that she was certain mirrored her own and his thumb flicked along her bottom lip. "No."

The word was soft, apologetic,and though expected it fell like a slap all the same. Dropping her hands, she turned her eyes to stars, trying to stifle the little wail in the back of her throat. "Because I am not her?"

"I'm sorry."

"Is she beautiful?"

Billy's hands, which had never left her face, tensed almost imperceptibly, "Cestria, please don't do this."

"Is she beautiful?" She pressed, her voice turning the question to a demand.

"Yes," his whispered finally releasing her from his touch, "she is very beautiful."

"Tell me about her." She had never heard him speak of her. In fact with the exception of the one desperately brief explanation of why he had to stay, Billy had studiously avoided any mention of his time on earth since they had last parted ways. Maybe listening to his voice paint this woman could kill her hope.

"She's a Ranger. You've seen her."

Cestria waved these superficial details away impatiently. "Not what she is. Who. How she holds you so completely."

Frustrated Billy threw himself back against the rock wall that had been serving as his support. Dropping his head to his knees, he ran his hands through his hair and locked them at back of neck, clearly at a loss. He might have been trying to wait her out the silence extended so long, but Cestria was a patient woman, far more so than this strange man who made her ache so deeply.

"She makes me coffee." He mumbled, his voice muffled by his stubborn refusal to lift his head.

"And?"

"Her patch jobs are prettier than mine."

"And?"

"Dammit, what do you want?"

"I want to understand." Cestria whispered, trailing her fingers along the curve of his neck. "I want to understand how you hold me."

His hand moved like a _rafarik_, a flash of moment and strong fingers pinned her wrist, tightly, bruising a little. Then whatever her touch had stirred in him seemed to melt, and his grasp softened into a caress. Tracing the length of her fingers, he intertwined them with his own, in a way that she could tell meant something.

"She made me laugh when I didn't feel much like laughing."

Slipping their hands over his head to wrap around his legs, so that Cestria was forced to mimic his posture, he turned his head to look at her. "She's unlike anyone I've ever met, yet she's scared of being a replacement. She shares silence and she forces me to talk. She wants to fight her own battles and mine too, possibly everyone's."

Now that he had started, Billy seemed to warm to the topic, as though he had longed to shout this from the mountain top, but found greater comfort in whispering it in her ear. Leaning back against the rock face, he brought his other arm around her, pulling her close, and strangely as she rested her head in the curve of his shoulder, it was okay that he wasn't talking about her.

"She's been a guinea pig, a bird, and a fish. She looks pretty in torn jeans and grease. She looks amazing in a gauzy pink dress I can't describe, with her hair in curls. She makes me go to the Youth Center and eat something other than chocolate. She makes it okay I'm not a Ranger. She calls me Doctor . . ." His voice trailed off in hesitation.

"And?"

"She makes me want to be Lancelot."

The words were breathed more than spoken, and Cestria found her heart going out to him. She did not know what a Lancelot was, but she could hear in his voice that he found the idea both terrifying and beautiful. It haunted him.

Titling her head up to look at him, she asked, "Does she want you to be a Lancelot?"

"I don't know."

"You do not know much."

Her statement tore a little explosion of laughter from him. Fierce and hollow, it echoed against the spires. "No, I do not know much."

They lapsed into silence again, and as Cestria looked out to the stars, there came a soft breeze, rippling across the ocean, seemingly without reason. Recognizing _Kantro_'s touch, she closed eyes and tried to let him guide her.

"You have to return."

"I ca--" He started to protest, but she cut him off, pressing their intertwined hands against his lips, holding his eyes with her own.

"You are stuck, just as I am. I do not think until you have the answer to your question you can move. And although I have the answer to mine, I know that, as long as you remain, I will be unable to."

She moved to extricate her hand, but he caught her fingers and pressed his lips to her palm. It was intimate in a way that was unfamiliar and consuming all at once. No other male would ever mark her there.

Feeling a slight moisture on his cheeks, she looked at him in alarm.

"You are leaking!"

It was a real laugh that rumbled against her palm this time. "It's okay," he assured her, guiding her fingertips so she could feel how the drops started at the corners of the his eyes and trailed along the curves of his face. "Humans . . . leak sometimes, when we're happy or sad or mixed up."

"Which are you?"

"All of them I think."

"It must be difficult to have emotions that lack definition."

Strangely enough this caused him to laugh again. Holding her hand to his face, he kissed the inside of her wrist, and when he spoke his lips moved against her skin so that they were felt as much as heard. "God help me Cestria, I really think I could have loved you."

_Kantro _forgive her, but he unraveled her! Her life had been a beautiful tapestry when he came, so many finely interwoven strands of effort, punctuated by the brilliance of success. True there were imperfections, knots, snarls, but always the weaving went forward. Now she wanted to pluck the threads out, take herself back and change the pattern. She wanted to go back to when he had first come and convince him to stay, convince him to love her instead; she wanted to return to the time when she had volunteered to tend him and surrender the task to another. But that was not the way; the pattern could not be unmade. She must simply finish this portion and let the strand drop. Still she knew she would gladly pick it up again if offered.

So she found herself smiling back at his admission, because it was enough. "If you find she does not want you to be a Lancelot . . . I will be here. I will be different, but I will be here."

- + - + - + - + - + -

Thank you for reading. Comments and Criticisms are greatly appreciated as always.

Panache


	18. Seeing Dawn

Disclaimer: Still someone else's sandbox … still play here because its fun.

Author's Note: Well, here it is. What everyone's been waiting for, including me. This part is dedicated to everyone who ever took the time to review this fic or even read it.

- + - + - + - + - + -

Kat fingered the worn post-it-note in her hand, and sighed staring up the length of the metal ladder that ended abruptly at a small trap door. She didn't look at the words scrawled with a sharpie. There were too few for the message to be difficult to remember.

Top of the Command Center

3:00 am

There was no signature, but then it didn't matter because there was only one person in the world who would a leave a note for her on Lynn's primary control panel and be confident she would find it. Of course that rather dubious distinction actually belonged to Tanya.

- + - + - + - + - + -

"Here, here, and here." Kat pointed the spots that needed work out to Tanya on the computer schematics. "Same procedure all three places."

"Right," The Yellow Ranger nodded throwing the tool sling over her shoulder. "Go up there unscrew the panels, play around with the wires so it looks like I've done something, call you to come fix it."

Kat rolled her eyes. "It's good to see you've been paying attention."

Tanya grinned. "I'm a fast learner. Seriously Kat, I'll be fine. See, I even took notes."

As proof she waved a bit of folded paper in front of her friends eyes before tucking it in the waistband of her jeans and turning to climb into the Zord.

But not before Kat yelled after her, "How do I know that's not a love note from Adam you're just going to sit up there and read?"

"You don't. That's why you'll come check me."

The Pink Ranger shook her head at her friend's antics. Tanya didn't like people to take things seriously unless she was taking them seriously and that was almost never. Still it was good to have her here. Surprisingly good. And she come with such a willing spirit, immune to the shadows and memories this place held.

"Kat?"

Laughing, she walked over to the entrance, and sticking her head in, shouted up the ladder. "Uh-uh, I am not falling for that."

"No, Kat I really think you should up here." Her friend's face was serious as it peered down from the top of the shaft, but Tanya had pulled off better tricks than that before.

"Have you even bothered to unscrew the panel?"

"Kat!" The sharp word was accompanied by the echo of ringing metal as Tanya's hand slammed against the shaft that held the ladder. "You _need_ to come up here."

"Okay." Kat grumbled and moved to the ladder, her face twisted in a puzzled expression, which she still wore as she swung round at the bridge. "What's up?"

Tanya was leaning against the control panel, staring at her in a way that was eerily reminiscent of the night their confrontation.

"Tan? Come on, you're scaring me."

"I found this on the nav screen," She extended her hand and it took Kat a moment to register the small slip of yellow paper stuck to the tips of her friend's fingers.

Numbly, she reached up and took it, her stomach already solidifying into a ball of lead, as though knowing what she would find. Still she stared blankly down at the writing unable to process the words.

"Please tell me that's Tommy's handwriting."

"No." She whispered. The hoarse monosyllable functioning both as a response to her friend's plea and a denial of what she held.

"That's what I was afraid of."

They simply stood there for a long while—Kat staring down at the seven little words, Tanya staring at her.

"So, are you gonna go?"

Her hand closed over the post-it crumpling it into a tiny ball. "No."

"Okay then." Tanya nodded as though that were the end of it.

But both of them pretended not to notice when Kat's hand slipped crumpled paper into her jeans pocket.

- + - + - + - + - + -

Over the next few days she'd abused the note. That was really the only word for it. She took out her anger at the writer on that poor little scrap of yellow paper. She'd crumpled it and unfolded it and crumpled it again. She'd torn it up thoroughly and just as painstakingly taped it back together, only to repeat the process with a scissors when she found it was difficult to tear through tape. Hell she'd even thought about setting it on fire so she couldn't keep salvaging it, but the small singe in the left hand corner was a testament as to how far she'd gotten with that.

So here she was three days later, standing at the foot of this ladder. There hadn't been a date on the note, but she knew he'd be there. He had probably come every night since leaving the damned thing, giving her time, giving her space, letting it be her choice. Cursing him for that, Kat propped her foot up on the first rung, and asked herself the same question, she'd been asking at every juncture—Do you really want to do this? The answer had been the same every time—No.

But still she teleported here, still she turned right to come up to the Command Center instead of left to head down to the Zord Bay, still she closed her hand around the second rung above her head and began to climb.

No she definitely did not want to do this, but she had to.

- + - + - + - + - + -

Billy stood waiting, his legs braced against the slope of the Command Center's roof. He had scrambled to his feet at the last minute, realizing that his first instinct of simply sitting with his back turned was either too comfortable or too cold, he couldn't decide which.

But now he waited.

He had counted each footfall, his heart beating a slow tattoo in time to her approach. And when she stopped at rung nine, just at the point where she would be able to reach the door's control panel, his heart stopped with her. No click came, just a terrifying silence. He held his breath, rationalizing that a lack of oxygen wouldn't matter if his heart wasn't pumping blood to carry it anywhere, and clasped his hands tightly behind his back to keep from reaching to open the door himself.

Then just when he was certain the next sound he heard would be a soft retreat, there was the tiniest of clicks, and the door slid open in a small whoosh.

Kat's head was down as she climbed the next few rungs, so it wasn't until she was high enough that his shoes had come into her line of vision that she seemed to notice he was there.

She froze—her hands braced against the rooftop, her body suspended between one world and another. For an infinite moment neither one of them breathed, neither one moved, like soldiers before the charge they simply waited. Then, almost fearfully, her eyes began to trace the length of him. He watched her face as it turned up to his with aching slowness, devouring every detail of her as completely as she did him. Finally their eyes met, and they were frozen again, drinking in the sight of the other.

It was like downing several shots of espresso in rapid succession, pleasant warmth sweeping through them, even as it set their nerves jangling violently.

Suddenly realizing that he'd been staring down at her like a callous dolt, Billy knelt and extended a hand to help her up.

The movement snapped Kat back into reality, and she hoisted herself up to sit on the edge of the opening, pointedly ignoring his proffered hand. Fighting the urge to look at him, she released a shuddering breath and focused on sliding the trap door closed.

God, she hadn't expected to see him face to face like this. She'd come thinking he'd be in his usual posture, back turned, waiting for someone to force their way into his own private world. She'd thought to take one final look, to tuck a picture of him away in her heart, and then speak her lines, all those pretty lies she'd rehearsed in her head, about how she was happy he'd decided to come back, that she hoped his time on Acquitar had been nice, and she didn't care one wit whether he stayed or left. And then she'd creep away, never having to meet his eyes, never letting him read the truth on her face.

But instead he stood facing her, asking to be let back in to her world, offering himself up to her vulnerable and unguarded.

"I brought coffee."

"I don't drink coffee anymore."

His body tensed momentarily, then loosened, and he dropped his head, accepting the lash as his due. "Oh."

Kat bit her bottom lip to keep from crying. It had been a tiny gesture, a fragile extension of himself, and she had felt compelled to slap it away, to remind him that the world had kept turning in his absence, when truthfully there was nothing in world she would like more than to share a cup of coffee with him.

"I guess, I had just thought . . ."

"What?" She snapped, "You thought what?"

_Stop me Billy. Please stop me._

He shook his head. "Nothing. It was stupid, a stupid hope."

With a sigh, he got to his feet, and finally turning his back to her began to make his way down to the flat precipice where he had laid out two blankets and a thermos of coffee.

"So that's it?"

The sharp desperate pain in her voice, acted like a choke collar, drawing him up short, and he stood there in the darkness trying to catch his breath.

"That's all I get? Coffee and a stupid note?"

"You hate me."

"No, Billy, I don't." She sounded almost sad about it, and he turned. She was still kneeling next to the trap-door, hands spread on either side, ready to bolt if that had truly been all he had to offer.

"You should."

"But I don't." She raised her eyes to his, letting him measure the truth for himself.

His mouth curved in a grim, half smile. "You always did let me get off too easy."

Kat snorted in response. "Well someone had to. You were so set on taking the hard way."

They started to smile at each other, but then Billy's eyes flickered closed, a look of pain crossing his face. "Are we really past tense?"

"I don't know. Haven't you finally found someone your _relate_ to?" The words were acid and sarcastic, but they still tasted sweet on her tongue. She didn't hate him, but she couldn't yet forgive him either.

"She's not . . ." Shaking his head to negate whatever he'd been about to say, he tried to start again.

But Kat had latched onto his first attempt and she wasn't about to let go. "She's not what? Not close to you? Not someone you care about? Not someone you love?"

"Stop it, Kat." His voice had gone hard, warning her off the road she was determined to charge blindly down.

"Just explain exactly what she is and what she isn't, because I'm a little fuzzy on that part."

"She isn't _you_, okay!" The admission was practically shouted, and the words hung heavy in air, echoing in the blackness. It should have been enough, enough to get through to her, enough answer every doubt, but her emotions were too scarred over.

After a long moment, she muttered, "Is that a good thing or bad thing?"

"Neither . . . both . . ."

His voice was so sad, so full of remorse.

"You love her."

"No." Billy stared at the stars. "I wanted to, I really did . . . it would have been so much easier, but we both know I'm no good at that."

"So what is she?"

Slowly, he turned to face her, and for awhile he simply stared at her as though trying to figure out how to answer her question. Finally, very quietly and deliberately, he responded with a question of his own. "What is Tommy?"

"How dare you."

To her utter amazement, he laughed, a kind of low mirthless chuckle that she had never heard before. "I'm standing here, aren't I? Let's just say I'm feeling rather daring."

"And if I tell you its none of your business?"

"Then I guess I have my answer."

"Billy . . ." For the first time that night her voice reached out to him rather than slapped him away.

"What do you want from me, Captain?" It was not a demand, as it had been with Cestria, but an offer. In using the nickname he had transferred all power, she could ask for anything and he would give it.

"I don't know anymore." Kat slammed her hands against the roof in frustration. "If you had come back a two months ago or even a couple of weeks . . . God, Billy I would have done anything to have you back, to have you standing where you're standing now. But now . . ."

She emitted a horrible noise that somewhere between a scream and a sob, "Dammit I'd just finally gotten it into my head that you were gone! What gives you the right! What gives you the right to come back like this, and leave me this awful cryptic note and tear everything open again?"

She was babbling now, words pouring out of her like she was purging herself of some awful disease. It was too painful to watch. And before he could stop himself, before his brain could remind him that probably the last thing she wanted was to be touched by him, he had crossed the roof, dropped to his knees, and pulled her into his arms.

Clutching her desperately, afraid that it would be the last time, he whispered harshly against her ear, "Nothing. I don't have any right to be here, so tell me to go. Tell me to go Kat, and I promise you'll never have to see me again."

"You bastard." But her arms closed around him, even as she said it. "I would never tell you to go. You know that."

"Then tell me you wish I never came back."

"I can't."

It was whispered so softly against his neck that he barely heard it, but he felt it, deeply and completely. He felt it and everything fell away, trivial and inconsequential compared to this. "Kat . . ."

"You called me Captain once." She lifted her head slightly, and suddenly their lips were less than a breath apart. The tiniest movement of his head, and he could have her, touch her in a way he felt he'd waited a lifetime for. Still he needed permission.

"Captain . . . tell me you don't want me--"

But he never finished his sentence.

Kat's lips closed over his, swallowing his question, answering it with her caress. Soft and undemanding, she simply gave, pouring all the things she couldn't say, all the love that somehow kept getting twisted into bitterness by her attempts to voice it, into her kiss.

His response was tentative at first, unwilling to believe the miracle. But she tasted like vanilla and, despite her earlier protests, coffee. And at that he was lost, relinquishing his last shreds of control because they were unnecessary. She was his, his Captain, and he was safe with her.

When the kiss finally broke, it was only for her to whisper against his lips. "I want you, Doctor. I do want you."

She barely finished the declaration before he kissed her again, a laughing, celebratory kiss. She wanted him! Him with all his insecurities and poor judgment and hideously awful ways of dealing. She wanted _him_!

And when he pulled away it was to whisper teasingly in her ear, "You lied about the coffee."

Smiling a little, she whispered back, "Don't tell Tanya. She thinks she's cured me."

It was like being dosed in cold water.

"Captain?"

"Hmmm?" She murmured distractedly, her lips brushing against the curve of his neck.

Pulling away reluctantly, he cradled her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Is that all she thinks she's cured you of?"

For a long moment she stared and him blankly, and then closing her eyes, Kat let out a long resigned sigh, "No."

But before he could release her, her hands closed over his, trapping them against her face. "Don't you dare . . . don't you dare pull away."

"The team . . ."

"The team . . ." She repeated sadly, "always the team . . . I am so _sick_ of worrying about what the team will think or feel, at the expense of actually thinking or feeling."

"I can't just stop."

"No you can start! You can start putting yourself first, putting this first." Her hands moved to his face. "This is good. I know this is good, and nobody can tell me otherwise, not even you."

"Tommy . . ."

"Doesn't own me! For God sakes, you're the one who told me that I'm not Kim, that some color doesn't define me. Why are you letting this define me now?"

"You're still dating him Kat."

"Because he was here! You left me, and I was all alone. And I couldn't do it, I couldn't make myself more lonely. It was horrible and selfish, but that's all it was. You have to believe me Billy, that's all it was."

"But not for him."

"So I'm supposed to continue the lie? Compound my sin?"

Rolling away in defeat, Billy dropped his head into his hands. "So many people . . . I'm going to wind up hurting so many people, and all I was ever trying to do . . . God, I never meant . . ."

Reaching over Kat stroked the nape of his neck. "No one ever means do they?"

Gently, but firmly, he removed her hand and kissing her fingertips, brought it to rest on his knee, covering it with his own. "No, no on ever means . . ."

She stared down at her hand, and knew, knew that Tommy wasn't the only casualty, and though she felt a surge of resentment at the idea of Cestria claiming some portion of him, as she intertwined her hand with his own, she realized he was here with her, holding her hand, sitting on her roof. He had made his choice, and whatever tiny piece of him she had lost in the process was a small price to pay.

"We're going to be okay you know . . . as a team. We're too strong for this one thing to finish us."

Smiling down at her, Billy shifted a little, and bringing his arm to her waist, drew her close, brushing a kiss against her lips. "You have amazing faith."

Snuggling closer into his embrace Kat sighed, "I'm sitting on top of the Command Center, waiting for sunrise with the one person in the world I never thought I'd see again. Faith is easy."

- + - + - + - + - + -

Okay, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, this story is not over. The bad news is this fic is. The entire universe of Conversations is being continued in a new fic called "If Camelot Fell" the start of which is posted tonight as well. I am doing it this way because the story will now begin to head in a new direction so that it is no longer solely character driven (though believe me it will still be primarily so), and expands to take in more of the other Rangers.

Believe, I agonized long and hard about this given my rather sporadic posting habit, but this was where I have intended the story to go since about part five, and honestly I couldn't picture it any other way. So rather than try to make you all read something forced. I thought I owed it to everyone who has hung in there to do this right. So I hope you will accept my Mea Culpa and follow me along on this merry little acid trip.

Panache


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